Saturday, April 30, 2011

Role modeling

October 2009:
He might not have the comb-over, but millionaire Wellington property developer Terry Serepisos is to be New Zealand's answer to Donald Trump.

The Phoenix football team owner has been chosen as the host of a local version of The Apprentice. The reality-TV show, an international hit with Trump as host, pits teams of aspiring entrepreneurs against each other.
Terry Serepisos is spending a lot of time in courts pleading for a postponement of his bankruptcy for just one more week when that $6-million cheque will arrive, and another week, and another.

So far he has not announced his intention of running for the Presidency.
As noted earlier, Don Brash has taken over leadership of the ACT Party so we don't have Rodney Hide to kick around any more.
At some point Brash has promised to actually join the party, ideally before the next election when he will be campaigning against the National Party to which he currently belongs.
Fortunately no opinion polls have been taken to gauge whether voters have more respect for low rat cunning ruthlessness than for loyalty, so journalists can speculate about how many seats the rejuvenated party will win come the election, unconstrained by cold unsympathetic facts.

John Banks -- another old National Party member who left national politics a few years ago in order to be rejected by voters in a couple of mayoralty elections -- has announced that he will also run against National under the banner of the ACT Party.

It can only be a matter of time before Michael Laws joins them as well.

Trump / Toupee 2012

In their infinite wisdom, the editors of the Com-Post (Wellington's newspaper of note) decided to reprint an article from the Washington Post in which several thousand words described the superior negotiating skills that Donald Trump would bring to foreign policy if he became US President, without mentioning even one of his bankruptcies.

Obviously there is little hope for the future of a nation where major media outlets are falling over themselves to provide such obsequious, uncritical tongue-baths to a potential Head of State. I threw the newspaper away and turned on the teevee to watch the non-stop coverage of the Royal Wedding.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Orly? (revisited)

Unexpected phraseology in academic discourse:
A commenter at Righteous Insolence points out that the plural of 'anecdote' is not 'bukkake'.

This comes in response to people being mean about an insubstantial science-fair project by Platek, Burch and Gallup (2002), inexplicably published in what appears to be a real journal and recently in the news.* Criticisms include:
  • the authors' apparent unawareness that many of the hormonal contents of semen can have no effect on mood (even if they enter the recipient's bloodstream) because of a little-known phenomenon called the 'blood-brain barrier';
  • the curiously antiquated Symbolist / fin de siècle quality of the hypothesis that women need regular doses of male semen to maintain their proper cognitive function;2
  • their casual assumption that the direction of causality runs from "having sex without a condom" to "improved mood", rather than vice versa, or from some third variable affecting both;
  • their general uninterest in controlling potential third variables.
Miffed, the authors wrote to an Authoritative Website to defend their reputations. And to mention their semen testimonials.

UPDATE: Bonus Platek et al.:
There is growing evidence that human semen has the potential to produce profound effects on women.
Another RI commenter responds:
Yes. For instance, it can cause them to harbor a massive internal parasite for nine months, followed by another eighteen years of debt...
I could add several hundred words here, describing the particular strand of fin de siècle misogyny that viewed women as lacking in brain and spirit, making them sexually-insatiable vampires, compelled to suck seminal essence from men to compensate for their incompleteness. There was an explicit magical-thinking equation between semen and cerebral tissue: men could apparently expend one, or the other, but not both. Hence the popularity of the Salome motif in art, drama and music (and Judith to a lesser extent, as a less-familiar emasculator decapitator of men). But that would involve the Explaining Voice.

Thank goodness we've moved on from all that vile bullshit now.

UPDATE3 for mikey in comments: Bonus decadent literature.
Consider this a sneak preview of the next "Gardening with AK" column.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Dog Licks Man

Prime Minister of New Zild, John Key, ate some food with the Queen of England, Ireland, Scotland and Wales and some of her relatives. A dog licked Key's hand.
It is NOT a slow news day in NZ, but just a little cringing before the Lady of the Manor.

In a hectic week for the Royals, it is significant the Queen granted Key almost two hours of her time. He will also see Prince Charles on Thursday, on the eve of Prince William's wedding.
"It's fairly busy week and I don't think she is having a private audience with anyone else this week, which reflects how much she's got on her plate. But she cares passionately about New Zealand."
 Almost 2 hours, people! Ain't we important!
The photo is ripe for captioning in a hum'rous manner because of the "squeezing out something" look on Key's face and the Old Persons Alarm posture of the Queen. It can't be easy having these people wandering around wittering on about God Know's What, whilst one is deciding which footman to have flogged for the incorrect bedsocks ceremony on the previous evening.
Plus there is the problem of having the Corgi vaccinated.
The actual link which was eated in teh original

Welease Wodney

Evangeline van Holsteren (head barmaid at the Old Entomologist) called our attention to the missives and epistles amassing in the Riddled mailbox / drinks-tab / dud-cheque-depository behind the bar. She also called our attention to the absence of "Riddled Secretary" written anywhere in her job description. Strong language was used, contents may offend, adult themes and human anatomy references.

So once our ears had stopped ringing, AK and I ran our eyes over the letters -- some penned in scented violet ink upon tinted deckle paper and some reeking of marker pen and Lynx weaponised body spray -- and wouldn't you know it, everyone was asking "What's Don Brash been up to lately?" Except one letter that called him 'Dunny Brush' for which the finger of suspicion points at Mentis Fugit.

A swift recap is in order. Once upon a time the Don parachuted into the job of Leader of the Opposition. During his tenure, taking strategery advice from the US Republicans, he returned the National Party to its roots as a force for resentment and exclusivity, and went into the 2005 election campaigning for the votes of "Mainstream New Zealanders" whose identity was defined by not being unionist, gay, brown-skinned, female, poor or any other form of Other. Yet despite campaigning on an overtly-racist platform of "Kiwi vs. Iwi" -- in New Zealand! -- he still contrived to lose the election, and if you say "Whadda loooser" then no-one's going to argue.

Since then (as documented by AK) Brash has been administering the occasional speech about the failure of democracy and the incapacity of voters to recognise the policies that would be good for them, i.e. the electorate has failed to properly represent the government and should be dissolved and replaced with a more representative one. He has also been serving as Head of the Independent Commission for Giving Government the Independent Advice it Wants, a sinecure created in 2008 in recognition of his sacrifices.
Tradition demands a Hans Bellmer
image with every mention of ACT.
But now, Cincinnatus-like, the Don is called back into public service! Circumstances oblige him to claim the leadership of the right-wing ACT party.* Chief circumstance being ACT's triumphant climb from its previous low of 3.7% popularity to the dizzy heights of 2%. Don ascribes this to the personal unpopularity of current leader Rodney Hidden, rather than to a party manifesto that appears to have been written by rabid ADD badgers towards the end of a week-long datura bender.

Don is not deterred by (1) his current non-membership of the party he is proposing to lead, nor by (2) concerns about offending ACT's other five non-Rodney members of Parliament with the admission that none of them are fit to organise a dollies' tea-party let alone a political force, nor by (3) the unfortunate optics of a canoe-jumping carpet-bagger parachuting in from nowhere with only a sense of entitlement to compensate for his track record of failure. All that matters, as he correctly points out, is his corporate backing:
His pitch is likely to include a promise that funders will turn the tap back on if he is leader.
This presents a challenge for the busy little elves who constitute the right bloggosphere in New Zild and whose job it is to write copy for the newspapers explaining how whatever happens is good for a John Key-led government. They will have to present Brush's buy-out as unification rather than internal turmoil and a sign of abject desperation, corporate ownership as a form of broad public support, and a septagenarian leader as party rejuvenation. And having convinced politicians and journalists, they will still have to convince the electorate at large that Brash is their Man. But they know what side of the toilet paper is be-shat and already they are beavering away to spin strawmen into gold and mixed metaphors into ummm something else.

Already we can read that Brash's leadership of the National Party was "brief but successful" if you overlook the picayune business of a lost election.

We can expect further explanations of how Brash's lack of any involvement in the Hard Work aspect of creating the ACT party, like his lack of involvement in the National Party before his 2005 leadership,** is evidence that he is 'above politics'.

Riddled is agin the whole thing because what would we do then with the 'Rodney's Hidden' label?
* UNCONNECTED: Rodney has spoken of abolishing the ICGGIAW, as part of general governmental belt-tightening activities, as a fair trade for the dissolution of social-welfare programs, i.e. rich and poor, Left and Right alike are carrying their share of the Recession. But TOTALLY NOT A FACTOR.

** Prior to that, Brash was Governor of the Reserve Bank from 1988 to 2002. To borrow J. K. Galbraith's description of Hjalmar Schacht (head of the Reichsbank in the 1920s and 1930s):
"a man whose reputation for financial wizardry was supported by an exceptionally austere appearance and a notably frozen mind".
AK NEWS UPDATE!!! Rodney Walks The Plank!!!

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Gastronomy Domine: Pain aux œufs en chocolat-et-marshmallow

Here at Maison d'Être this is the highlight of the culinary year, when I venture into the kitchen to celebrate the Rising of the Zombie God and mark the passing of the seasons by preparing a ritual meal of battered Jesus-onna-Stick. Followed shortly after by the ceremonial 'Dousing of the Flames' and the traditional 'Annual redecoration of the Kitchen'.

However, the recent scares about the health hazards of contaminated godmeat meant that the Frau Doktorin was not so enthusiastic this year. I would have explained that vat-grown godmeat contains no nervous tissue and anyway the cooking denatures the prions, but I have learned not to argue in the kitchen on account of the "inappropriate touching with the expensive copper-bottomed saucepan" danger.

No problem; science has given us the gene-transfer transfection gun, propelling a spray of DNA-coated gold particles into the recipient cells.* I figure that if we transfer enough godmeat genes into a Theobroma cacao tissue culture then we can make Chocolate Jesus for the ritual meal** and no-one can complain about that.

No-one could possibly have predicted that subsequent to harvesting, the Theobroma bush would contract witches' broom and grow all deformed-like. It is now exerting an uncalming and malign influence all over the neighbourhood, with people igniting themselves in protest against the letter D, and popping up out of the pavement at the skate-park to the general consternation of the local youth who gather there and take E.

We have called in AK to trim the plant to a more regular shape and thereby return the suburb to a state of well-ordered tranquility. All in accordance with the principle of Utopiary.

* "But wait!" the alert reader interjects. "Does not the human genome contain 12 strands of DNA, only two of them being material and known to science? Is this not a complicating factor? For I read about it in Pharyngula and it must be true."
The six pairs of strands are called the 12-strand Spiritual DNA. In the 12-strand system, the first pair is physical and the other five pairs of strands are non-physical energy imprints in the human energy field.
... the human race was at several times in a high developed state of multidimensional consciousness - like Atlanteans - but was unplugged from their power through dark alien forces called Annunaki (Gods of the Sumerians) which intended to gain and maintain their power. So they first decided to do a genetic manipulation, which created the split brain. This separated the analytical part of a person's reasoning from their intuitive, emotional part and the problems associated from this can still be seen today. They then unplugged 10 of the 12 strands of DNA but left them there. Some of this is the chemical DNA that science calls "junk" DNA, the DNA that is just sitting there inside your cells, the other is the etheric DNA that exists in higher harmonics of frequency that you can't see with the naked eye.
Indeed the reader is correct, though let the record show that Riddled was onto the 12-strand-genome story before that late-comer PZ Myers. Anyway, we are one step ahead, and we loaded the interfection gun with mono-atomic gold, which is also more advanced and spiritual and in a superconducting distributed quantum state of nuclear spin excitation, allowing it to transfer those additional strands.

** This is certainly worth a try:

Jesus-onna-stick DOIN IT RONG.


It is not often that the van Holsteren family has a reunion. This is probably due to a less-than-sympathetic Police Force who do not share the same liking as the family with regards to frank and full exchanges of views.
Recently Evangeline van Holsteren began moping around the Olde Entomologist and being "out of sorts", even banishing Greenish Hugh from the carpark for being "unhygienic". Partly, that is precisely Greenish Hugh but it was felt it was best not to argue.
Eventually the flying barstools and "trousers-on" raids became too repressive and an anonymous note using words cut from magazines was glued to Little Tim's hand asking "Wot's up with you? Two for one Tuesday at Willie Shrimp's house of  Beef Substitute"
So it came out that the van Holsteren family would be reunioning and Evangeline was unsure what to wear to the saturday night "Political Systems, Science and Willie Shrimp meetballs, evening".
Oh! we vouchsafed, why did you not say? Immediately ideas began to pour out and within 5 hours we had  "nice floral hat" written down.
Needless to say the marketing people at Riddled Industry stepped up to the mark and produced a very Evangeline costume.
With Greenish Hugh and Little Tim to push the tableau into the hall we are sure Evangeline will be the winner, the hard bit will be to get the gear off her, what with having nicked acquired some items from history.
I must say the Tablets of Justice (now with a reading light) are pretty jazzy.

Blogroll advisory

The legendary Mick Farren's blog is our go-to place for all our naked Germaine Greer photographic needs. Professor Farren is also the leading authority on sub-Antarctic Nazi bases. However, Blogspot have recently hindered access to his site with a 'content may offend small-minded dickweeds' warning, and he is no longer seeing accidental visitors from random searches.
Censorship Robot falters
before the Riddled onslaught
I am confident that adding him to the Riddled blo-groll will restore his traffic and bring his collection of dubious imagery back to the attention of the civilised world and Australia.

* Robot stolen from Greg Broadmore.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Unconfirmed Fish Sighting

Unconfirmed reports are beginning to emerge of a sighting of the elusive "blogger" known as "fish". It is unclear as to the activity fish was involved in at this time and the "blogger" is still unavailable for comment. It is thought to be a comments raid carried out on a "blog" by fish to garner comments for use as his own in later "blogging".
It may be that the photo shows an attempt on the world record for smallest fish pyramid that has more than 1 fish in it. A worthy activity.
These kids and their "blogs"!

I blame the energy-drink industry

Over two decades have passed since Pion et al. discovered that taurine deficiency is the main cause of feline cardiomyopathy.

Has anyone since then done any research into feline deficiency as a cause of taurine cardiomyopathy? Have they bogroll.

Potential victim of taurine cardiomyopathy (left).
Needs moar kitteh.

Ferdinand escapes taurine cardiomyopathy by self-medicating with Bach flower remedies, to the frustration of the matador who was so mad he cried because he couldn't show off with his cape and sword.

Friday, April 22, 2011

What do you expect from Westham supporters?

When Californian artist Thomas Kinkade plunged a plastic mouse into a glass of his own urine and painted it in 1987 under the title Piss Mickey, he said he was making a statement on the misuse of kitsch.

Controversy has followed the work ever since, but reached an unprecedented peak on Palm Sunday when it was attacked with hammers and destroyed after an "pro-copyright" campaign by French Disney lawyers in the southern city of Avignon.

Slash-fic Fail

"To our community, Andrew Wakefield is Nelson Mandela and Jesus Christ rolled up into one," says J. B. Handley, co-founder of Generation Rescue, a group that disputes vaccine safety.
There are well-documented undesirable consequences from rolling up into one a human being and a creature so alien that even the processes of death and decay follow unearthly laws:
The urn-shaped torso was endowed with two heads. One of these heads was beaked like a cuttlefish and was lined with long oblique slits where the eyes should have been. The other head, in close juxtaposition on the narrow shoulders, was that of an aged man dark and regal and terrible, whose burning eyes were like balas-rubies and whose grizzled beard had grown to the length of jungle moss on the loathsomely porous trunk. This trunk, on the side below the human head, displayed a faint outline as of ribs; and some of the members ended in human hands and feet, or possessed anthropomorphic jointings.

Through heads, limbs and body there ran recurrently the mysterious noise of regurgitation that had drawn Milab and Marabac to enter the vault. At each repetition of the sound a slimy dew exuded from the monstrous pores and rilled sluggishly down in endless drops.
Wakefield's degree from Miskatonic University Medical School should have sent alarm bells ringing.

A Fierce Pancake #2

James H. Fetzer, philosopher and founder of "Scholars for 9-11 Truth", responds to a critic:

Are you trying to tell us that the material of the building wasn’t there? If so, that makes no sense at all, but then you rarely do make sense.


Dan Lacey's "The Collapse of the WTC as a Stack of Pancakes" is perhaps his most controversial work.
Professor Fetzer is not sure what did happen to those missing parts of the Twin Towers which (he argues) should have remained after the collapse as a 15-storey-high stack of pancakes. His erstwhile colleague Steven Jones espoused the "massive quantities of thermite" account, but this led to an acrimonious parting of the ways with Fetzer inclining instead towards Judy Woods' "Directed Energy Weapon from space" theory. I myself rate for Alexei Sayle's "Elephant positioned in the Loft by Incompetent Architect" explanation.

Fetzer has now come to believe that the location chosen to construct the World Trade Centre proves that it was intended for ultimate demolition even at the planning stage. However, he is not a complete conspiracy theorist; on the balance of the evidence and taking into account the epistemic issues he has concluded that the Apollo missions were probably faked, but he accepts the possibility that they were in fact genuine.

We mention Professor Fetzer not out of desperation and bloggers'-block, but because he has been popping up at websites lately at the drop of a tin-foil hat to explain his evidence & reasoning. One hopes that in the philosophy of science he is not completely hatstand fritillary calenture.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011


An evolutionary psychologist of note, regularly ridiculed at Pharyngula for the crap nature of his junk-science research, reported that women who use condoms are depressed compared to those take part in unprotected sex.
Supposedly this is because semen contains oxytocin. The Just-So story evo-psych explanation is that women have evolved to need regular doses of oxytocin administered in this way, to motivate them to have sex and form pair bonds:*
Odds are, men's semen makes women happy. It would biologically make sense, and I and the various friends who I discussed it with today have seen its effects and generally agree.
You know what contains even more oxytocin?

It is satisfying to know that there is a Just-So story evo-psych explanation for the behaviour of zombies.

* One might wonder why Evolution did not pick on a less Byzantine mechanism -- e.g. evolving women to enjoy sex -- but only if one is not an evolutionary psychologist.
There is also the problem that oxytocin does not cross the blood-brain barrier and has no behavioural effect unless it is administered as a nasal spray (or injected straight into the brain), but NEVER MIND.
In other news, some smart person at Lancôme came up with "taint" as a name for a new facial.

I look forward to the release of competing lotions with names like Contamination, Degradation and Moneyshot.**

** Also a good name for a law firm.

Smut is banned

Pierre Bonnard’s Open Window [Phillips Collection, 1921] ...
... is an invitation to reverie. It is a hot, lazy summer day of a painting, as palpably warm as Monet’s winter scenes are shiveringly cold. Sit back, relax, let your thoughts wander. How can you do anything else in this heat? Here is a room where the walls glow orange like hot coals, a veritable oven of a place. If you touch that patch of wall below the curtain, it will burn you. And the white curtain itself has no cooling effect; against the sweltering orange, all the wintry associations of whiteness are burned away and the curtain looks white hot. Understandably, our eyes don’t linger long in this broiler of a room. We rush toward the large open window, and our visual escape into the window’s green and blue is like leaping into cool water on a 90° day. That band of blue sky is the painting’s relief: coolness, depth and distance combined with transparent lightness. It is a soothing tone, as calm and quiet as a Rothko rectangle. As we look at the painting, that illimitable blue is the focus of our waking dream.
I am a vandal.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Who would win?

A colossal Stalin made up of little moustaches...
...or Super Terrum Hobbes' Leviathan?
The outcome decides who gets to fight the winner of Godzilla vs. Goya Giant.
This strikes me as an unnecessarily round-about way of deciding on the challenger to fight 50 FOOT TALL ROBOT HITLER WITH LASER EYES, which is probably why I am not a World Voltron Foundation promoter.
Fractal God...

versus Fractal cow.

There will be drag-&-drop Luchador masks as soon as I find H. Rumbold in comments suggests something sufficiently cow-themed.

Monday, April 18, 2011

A Monocle for Leibowitz

We get mail!

Subject: CVNet - Frontiers Special Topic: "Binocular rivalry: a gateway to consciousness"
From: Georgios Keliris []
To: "" []
Thread-Topic: Frontiers Special Topic: "Binocular rivalry: a gateway to consciousness"
X-Antivirus: AVG for E-mail 9.0.894 [271.1.1/3512]
Frontiers Special Topic: “Binocular rivalry: a gateway to consciousness”

We are pleased to announce an upcoming Special Issue on Binocular Rivalry and related Multistable Perceptual Phenomena in “Frontiers in Human Neuroscience”, for which we are now accepting submissions.

Hosting Journal: Frontiers in Human Neuroscience
Topic Title: Binocular rivalry: a gateway to consciousness

Description: Brain-mind problems like consciousness have been stimulating the interest of philosophers and scientists since the ancient times. In the last decades, the dramatic development of neuroscience has allowed studying such phenomena at several different levels – from single neurons to behavior. Binocular rivalry, a paradigm dissociating the sensory input from the conscious perception during dichoptic viewing of incongruent images, has been a celebrated example of such a tool. During the last century, empirical research on binocular rivalry contributed the first important insights into the neuronal mechanisms of subjective visual perception. Recent advances in brain imaging and electrophysiological recording/stimulating techniques as well as novel theoretical concepts and analytical methods could be exploited to expand our knowledge on this fascinating phenomenon of visual perception and elucidate the neural processes underlying visual consciousness. This special topic aims to bring together contributions that could expand the current frontiers of knowledge in binocular rivalry. In particular we would like to focus on reviews, hypothesis & theory or original research articles that specifically combine novel concepts, analytical tools and neurophysiological techniques with binocular rivalry. We expect that these contributions will a) integrate the vast knowledge already existing in the field b) formulate and, when possible, address questions under the light of recent methodological advances in neuroscience and c) provide a benchmark that will stimulate future cutting edge research.

Submissions of articles on related topics such as multi-stable perception and other families of interocular suppression phenomena are also welcome and will be considered with equal weight.

I have nothing to say on binocular rivalry that's not already on the Intertuber, so here's an artist's impression of trinocular trivalry instead.

Due to "rivalry" not rhyming with "chivalry", I am unable to provide the Special Issue with a rude limerick. My submission will deal with the little-known history of Renaissance experiments in 3D movies, and will involve a certain amount of Explaining Voice.

One factor for the commercial failure of the trials was the absence of red and green lenses, due to anaglyph magic-lantern displays not being invented until 1858. Not everyone was prepared to undergo injections into the eyeballs to dye one green and the other red.

Instead, the images for the left and right eyes were screened side-by-side.

Early experiments with stereoscopes to help fuse the two images were promising. Before the mirror apparatus could be brought down to a reasonable size, however, the research was terminated when Brother Bartholomew fell downstairs during a loss-of-depth-perception episode.

The history of Renaissance animated movies has already been documented in a series of Riddled publications. The technology never really took off. Partly this was because the directors were forced by funding constraints to farm the work out to multiple studios to ensure buy-in from all the monasteries, and monks at each scriptorium had different graphic styles, which didn't always mesh when the gels were assembled. The other problem was that they could not help themselves from adorning each image with extraneous foliage, illuminated capitals in gold leaf and whelk purple, and random devils running riot in the margins, pooping and farting sulphur on account of being unable to distinguish between scatology and eschatology.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

I Must Scream but I Have no Pearls to Clutch

Via, the normally reliable Newbusters comes the dreadful news that someone swore on the telebision!
I thought the endtimes would have some sort of celestial component but, you know, I'm a little out of the loop on that stuff.

Where there's muck there's Brassica

There are also a number of children in the playroom, whom you can't see because they are burrowing around under the sprouts while their parents shop or drink coffee.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

In the garden district Where the plants grow strong and tall

What do they get up to at those Leafy conventions? Are the stories true about 'viffing'?

Unfortunately your reporters' attempt to sneak in was not crowned with success.

"Let us in! What do you mean, wrong sort?? We're a horse radish!"
If you're wondering about the Cavalier-slashed-jerkin* nature of the costume, let's just say that extra ventilation became essential at last year's Riddled pantomime ("Ali Baba and Solifugae relationships within the Arachnida") when Another Kiwi insisted that it was his turn to be in the front despite a surfeit of pickled onions prior to the performance.

* Veiled reference.

UPDATE: Alternative title is of course "My vegetable love should grow Vaster than empires, and more slow".
Note complete lack of watermelons.

UPDATE2: Alternative2 title is "The Inevitable Outcome of Combining Vege Tales with Rule 34".

Better uses for animated GIFs

This is John Key, NZ's Prime Minister. According to our media he is a Man of the People, loved by all due to his warm spontaneity and Human Touch, and not really an inflatable doll with a rictus grin. Animated by "Key Poses".

Friday, April 15, 2011

Humorously shaped Vegetable Department

The Riddled ethos is all about openmindedness, inclusiveness and non-condemnation. If consenting adults opt to dress up as root vegetables to get their freak on, we do not cover them in obloquy or call them sick twisted fucks even though they clearly are. Our attitude is that no-one is forcing us to wear a parsnip costume and go browsing through the 'leafy' websites with their 'art' galleries full of obsessively-drawn graphic depictions of OMG LOOK AT THOSE TUBERS. Anyway it was only for research.

And at least the 'leafies' police their own. Certain trangressions of social norms are still unacceptable even amongst these lowest dregs of society. They retain some semblance or dim memory of honour.

Left: A Brussels Sprouts cosplayer (Peter Lorre) attempts to defend himself and his compulsions before a kangarutabaga court (right).

Normally we are down on vegelante justice but when the victims of the condign punishment meted out by the 'carrotmobs' are these cruciferous lowlifes then we turn the proverbial blind eye.

Could be vitamin-A deficiency. Eating more carrots might help.