Saturday, February 27, 2010

"Mother," said Painted Jaguar,

"there are two new animals in the woods to-day, and the one that you said couldn't swim, swims, and the one that you said couldn't curl up, curls; and they've gone shares in their prickles, I think, because both of them are scaly all over, instead of one being smooth and the other very prickly; and, besides that, they are rolling round and round in circles, and I don't feel comfy."

"Son, son!" said Mother Jaguar ever so many times, graciously waving her tail, "a Hedgehog is a Hedgehog, and can't be anything but a Hedgehog; and a Tortoise is a Tortoise, and can never be anything else."

"But it isn't a Hedgehog, and it isn't a Tortoise. It's a little bit of both, and I don't know its proper name."

"Nonsense!" said Mother Jaguar. "Everything has its proper name. I should call it “Ananias” because it is a liar." And she impaled it on a sharpened spike, as a warning to all the other animals on the banks of the turbid Amazon that they should not attempt to masquerade as salted pineapples.

The little object to the left of the spike, under one of its leaves, may look like a house but it is obviously much too small. It is in fact the rare Amazonian Rectilinear Truffle, expensive but a crucial ingredient when cooking a whole tapir, available in any good delicatessen. If the shopkeeper says FECK or BOLLOCKS then you have entered an indelicatessen by mistake.

7 comments:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

I like ananas with bananas.
~

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Painted Jaguars are the salted pineapples of just-so story fascism.

mikey said...

You can put a banana on your antenna if you want, it WILL work, but a potato is SO much less messier...

mikey said...

Also, it occurs to me that I am routinely abused for Kipling, and here my man Clyde Kipples to his heart's content.

I would very much like to be free to kipple also. What's your secret?

Substance McGravitas said...

God help the man foolish enough to armadillo.

Cool Coach Urban Meyer said...

God help the man foolish enough to armadillo.

Badoodle Boo-ya, we call those arma-ding-dong-dilly-os where I'm from.

Urban out!

mikey said...

As a first order american patriot, I firmly support your right to arm bears. But dillos? Seems that would be downright irresponsible...