Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Fire of Unknown Origin

Lieutenant Lucius Martius, notorious for cheating at golf, realised that his poor sportsmanship had cost him the respect of his troops when someone swapped his hair pomade for self-igniting napalm. He was not well-pleased.

Rather than own up or dob in the prankster, the halbardiers merely tittered, and made signifiying fingers in the direction of the extra balls concealed within his plus-fours.

19 comments:

merc said...

It is because of this insubordinate act in the face of pomade that no individual has ever volunteered for leadership since. All our current leaders are stunt doubles.
For this reason I wear pomade on Pomade Day, August 9, and curse the inane waste of life that is golf.

nuddlig,a small steel screw used for fastening mens tights. Now out of use.

ckc (not kc) said...

...nice rocks

Smut Clyde said...

Ah, but notice how the 'rocks' come in pairs, each accompanied by a smaller partner. I believe these to be an early rendition of the budding of yeast cells.

Otherwise we would happily add a "nice rocks" tag,

tigris said...

Text reads, "there is no fuel other than an old [fuel]," so I'm guessing they used ye olde Napalme of Gilead, having lifted it(for science!) from some ancient reliquary.

Jennifer said...

Those are some fancy plus-fours! I wonder if they'll make a comeback.

The rocks look like exploded golf balls... Perhaps they got a dab of the napalm as well.

mikey said...

I believe in fairness, and in the open and transparent sharing of knowledge and information.

So it is in this spirit that I have very kindly shared my old, kitchen-tested napalm recipe in the past, and it is in keeping with these values that I request, nay, I DEMAND the recipe for this "self-igniting" napalm of which you so cavalierly speak...

Substance McGravitas said...

I see how his wife acquired the burning bush.

lawnguylander said...

,,when someone swapped his hair pomade for self-igniting napalm.

I rather think this cat has come to work like any other day only to find himself the guest of honor at an intervention and I hope his confronters held firm and didn't fall for that old excuse. I don't know why they're pointing at his junk but they might be pleading that if he won't think about the damage his addiction is causing to him and his loved ones, maybe a lecture on the sexual side effects of trans-dermal stimulants such as napalm and shoe polish will be enough to convince him to have a go at rehab. Having one's head catch fire on sunny days would represent hitting bottom for most folks but the staff down at the EAP have seen this before and know that those with the disease can easily rationalize such occurrences away.

J— said...

Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got
I'm still Lucius from the block
Used to have a cool head now my hair is hot
I'm still Lucius from the block

Substance McGravitas said...

Don't be fooled by the rocks

Balls!

Smut Clyde said...

maybe a lecture on the sexual side effects of trans-dermal stimulants such as napalm and shoe polish

Let's not talk about the mix-up with the Astroglide and the Tiger Balm, known to his nearest and dearest as the "Greek Fire" episode.

J— said...

Thanks for the very kind words at Sadly, No!, lawnguylander.

J— said...

Don't be fooled by the balls that I got
I'm still Lucius from the block
Used to have a cool head now my hair is hot
I'm still Lucius from the block

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

hey, he's got a full house; jacks fulla kings!

Smut Clyde said...

Round objects!

Substance McGravitas said...

Orbs!

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

The pomade grenade has been an indispensable part of the well-dressed partisan's arsenal for many a year.

M. Bouffant said...

I believe Smut has heard a misinterpretation of the Johnny Cash classic, "Ring of Fire," wherein Ben Gay was substituted (perhaps accidentally, perhaps not) for KY. (Not the state.)

This is how legend becomes myth.

ckc (not kc) said...

Otherwise we would happily add a "nice rocks" tag

that would just spoil it for the aficionado - let them hone their nice-rock-detecting skills in the cold, cruel world of largely rockless random artworks.

wv kheryos - any help from the Greeks among us?