There once was a manI think I'm getting the hang of it.
Whose dick was so long he could
He said with a grin
The bottle is then riddled, so that the lees settles in the neck of the wine bottle... Manual riddling is still done for Prestige Cuvées in Champagne... mechanised riddling equipment (a gyropalette) is used instead. (Wikipedia)
My haiku doesn't really
ReplyDeletecount because of the
syllable thing and the
line breaks and all Autumn?
spesses, fukit.
Boobs, diff'rent sizes
ReplyDeleteOne small, 'twas nothing at all
Two large, won prizes
Von wins.
ReplyDeleteZombie votes for Von.
ReplyDeleteImpartial? We have to ask.
He may have been bribed.
As I've said so many times before, I don't understand Haiku. It just makes me want to say Gezundheit. So here's my contribution:
ReplyDeleteI sit on the sofa, cradling my drink
Probably should admit my armpits stink
The davenport is where I am
Whoops, dropped the remote, what's this, god DAMN!
I found a creature, hairless and small
But it jumped out of my hands and disappeared down the hall
Should I pull my feet up off the floor?
Should I make a mad dash for the door?
I'm still sitting here on the fucking couch
Locked in a defensive crouch
Scrotum tight against my torso
Like a scary movie, but a whole bunch moreso
Now the creature laughs at me
I'm on the couch, but have to pee
But the creature stands 'tween me and relief
Looks like I'm gonna come to grief
Where'd he come from, what's he want?
If I knew the way I'd run for Vermont
How long has that fucker been in my couch
What does he want, why is he---OUCH!
Little bastard bit me - hard!
I guess I shouldn't have dropped my guard
Now I think I'll probably die
Say, hand me the remote, willya guy?
All the rest of us use Haikuizer(tm), indeed everyone does when they are not using special hidden talents(also tm). Helpfully I ran your real poem through the Haikuizer, so it is now unreal (tm).
ReplyDeleteScrotum tight against my tors
Locked in a defensive crouch
Now the creature laughs at me.
Now everyone's a winner baby that's no lie.
He may have been bribed.
ReplyDeletenot yet.
you have less than two weeks to get a competing bribe to Wisconsin.
Mikey is successfully putting me off the idea of a monkey butler.
ReplyDeleteI'm on the couch, but have to pee
ReplyDelete...man, I wish I wasn't so lazy!
monkey butter?
ReplyDeleteEven the monkey butler won't go more than a couple strata deep under the couch cushions....
ReplyDeleteThe monkey butler
ReplyDeleteserves the master of the house
It is the monkey
~
The nature of the monkey is irrepressible!
ReplyDeletemoses, moustachio emphasis.
Ifthethunderdon't,
ReplyDeletehere is your new internet.
Use it wisely: porn.
Thanks, tigris.
ReplyDeleteA new internet, and a closest to the pin award, all in four daze!
Next thing you know, I'll get run over by a car.
~
The Innernetz warn of poor Von
ReplyDeleteWho did what she shouldn't have done.
She asked for a haiku,
but Smut said "that's my cue
To dredge up all manner of pr0n".
You can't just bust a haiku like that there's rules, innernationale rules you know.
ReplyDeleteAnd BTW haiku must have Autumn metaphor, International Haiku competition rule 4. as specified by Higher Haiku Scientism Kommiteee staes the need for Autumnal Metaphor, e.g. cherry blossom wilting or similar.
Sheesh, what next, free verse?
medom, without i senseless.
Staes is a word too you know.
ReplyDeletevoccola, cola only in name
Cherry leaves falling
ReplyDeletedisappearing in the rain
The kiwis ate them
Cherry leaves and 'ate them' sounds like autumn (oh yeah)
Haiku Kommittee are pleased with your antipodean efforts however, disqualified for unrefined use of eating. No mention of primary bodidly functions will be allowed.
ReplyDeleteNo discourse will be entered into etc.
dinose, she did but.
We need a haikubudsperson.
ReplyDeleteNot a bad entry Kommittee says, buds is good use. Please expand in official format.
ReplyDeletesobsoo, no correspondence will be entered into...
My understanding is that strict form haiku should have a reference to a season, but it doesn't have to be autumn.
ReplyDeleteZom NOM NOM NOM NOM
ReplyDeleteOM NOMNOM NOMNOM NOMNOM
ZOM NOM NOM autumn
There once was a man named Smut
ReplyDeleteWho was known for his literary strut
He was challenged by Von
To a haiku-a-thon
He thought he could win, but…
Oh wait... the limerick challenge was at fish's.
I second teh Zombie... Von wins.
ReplyDeleteperhaps Von wins the post of Haikubudsperson.
ReplyDeleteFor certain definitions of 'winning'.
LOVE all of this!
ReplyDeleteLOVE SC's haiku,
LOVE Mikey's um, whatever it is.
LOVE Jennifer's limrick
LOVE the comments.
This is so not me, so cheerful
makes.me.want.to.haiku.
Smut Clyde a challenge
To be a haiku writer
Fun was had by all
"Von wins"
ReplyDeleteI like the sound of that.....
reference to a season, but it doesn't have to be autumn.
ReplyDeleteBloody Wellington.
Feckin' cold, rain pissing down,
gale-force winds AGAIN.
One small ... Two large
ReplyDeleteBy my maths this makes three boobs altogether, not that I'm complaining.
This is now deemed a haikoo splinter group by the kommitern.
ReplyDeleteSitting in Wellington, sipping tea
ReplyDeleteA few blocks down from City and Sea
In the dark and damp of Frank Kitts Park
Wondering where I'll go when it gets dark
Staring out across Lambton Harbor
Wondering if she's left Ann Arbor
Dinner, perhaps, down at Shed Five
A couple whiskeys might revive
Me, than catch the bus on Wakefield Street
I guess that means another day's complete
Another night in Kelburn Park
Shivering in the endless dark
I'll get a mango Lassi from the Victoria Kids
That's life on the Wellington Skids
Excellent, Mikey!
ReplyDeleteYep it is a good poem I reckon.
ReplyDeleteemencat, yeah he has one.
Should I pull my feet up off the floor?
ReplyDeleteShould I make a mad dash for the door?
From The Combat Diaries of J. Alfred Prufrock.
From The Combat Diaries of J. Alfred Prufrock.
ReplyDeleteActually he stole it. I originally published it as "Combat Guide: Small Unit Tactics for Those Who Don't Give A Shit"...