Once again it is the time of year to harvest the winter's crop of whacky backy. Under the supervision of the excise-men, the the stickiest heads have been packed into the ceremonial crate using the Dual-Purpose Wool-Baler at Hunterville, and now everything stops in the streets while the Sotweed Factors bring the crate into Wellyton, amid general festivity and a frenzied tohu-bohu. There will be feasting tonight at the Guild Hall!By convention the contents of the crate should go untouched until the Governor-General takes the first toke before passing the joint widdershins to the agents of the Buyers' and Shippers' Guild, but it looks to me as if the Minister for Tourism on the second carriage has been engaging in some quality-control in preparation for the Rugby World Cup.
Pay no attention to the goats in the foreground. New Zealand does not really have a problem with goat trauma. It is a safe place to visit.
Those goats are undercover stunt doubles, or apparitions of goats, or something.
ReplyDeleteOk, we got action. Action is good.
ReplyDeleteSo the doods in the foreground are fighting each other over the goats. Alannis says it's like rain on your wedding day, 'cause it's actually the goats that are being killed in the fight. Oh well. Everybody else thinks it's kind of funny and goes for Gyros.
Then there's the dood who lost his wallet and for some reason has decided it's in the butthole of this other dood. He reaches up for it, and is mortified to find that this other dood shot it on his iBrick and posted it on youtube. How embarrassing, right?
Which brings us to the guy who thinks HE knows where the lost wallet is, and it's stuffed with enough cash that he can't afford to wait for the cart full o'mutant to go by before he dives in to grab it. The family requests just flowers.
In the meantime, the carny took this other dood's tickets, hooked him up to a cantilever device and gave him a shootin iron. "Kids are worth 2 points. Strong young men 5. Grannies only 1. Feral Grannies, on the other hand, are worth five dollars"....
goat trauma
ReplyDeleteNever turn your back.
If anyone's wondering about the curved building partly visible at extreme right, it is the Municipal Waterworks, modeled on the Bodleian Library in Oxford. There was going to be a second storey to house the Municipal Fireworks but the construction went over budget.
ReplyDeleteYou know, it's true, goat trauma is real, that's all I'll say except that when that goat jumped out...the word curry springs to mind, and was mighty fine...just sayin'
ReplyDeleteOh and they do hide everywhere...
Never turn your back.
ReplyDeleteDanger surrounds you
Don't turn your back
To the dogs who hound you.
You got to keep the dogs away.
ReplyDeleteOMG.
ReplyDeleteThat dood has GREAT boobs...
Lots of nude mountaineering.
ReplyDeleteLols.
ReplyDeleteHow did you know about that link, J—?
~
My brother sent me a shirt a couple of years ago after he found the site. We had a few pygmy goats when we were kids.
ReplyDeleteSo the doods in the foreground are fighting each other over the goats.
ReplyDeleteMickey Kaus hates competition.
..."kids"....heh.
ReplyDeleteThere was going to be a second storey
ReplyDeleteThat's okay. The first story was pretty dull, with little narrative arc and a very pedestrian denouement.
it's not just a curved building, it's a rotunda.
ReplyDeletestorey
ReplyDeleteyou don't get to define my terms for me, fish.
it's not just a curved building, it's a rotunda.
ReplyDeleteIt's a beehive.
LOL@ZRM
ReplyDeleteI really stepped in it over there...
yeah.
ReplyDeleteYou should go back and pick a fight about circumcision.
a very pedestrian denouement
ReplyDeleteWe call them "footpaths" rather than "sidewalks". Just so you know.
We use them as target practice.
ReplyDeleteWhen I surf I enter the food chain, some long place down the list...hell I speak to fish.
ReplyDeleteShooting fish, when not barrel-resident, is essentially impossible. Bullets just don't retain their terminal ballistics in a medium as heavy as water.
ReplyDeleteI'd recommend a grenade, if you're independently wealthy, or a hunk of C4 or primacord in a can with some rocks and a chemical primary. But either way, it's a damn lot of fun, but not a cost effective way to catch dinner...
C4 makes a good firestarter, apparently.
ReplyDeleteTrout here can be caught by hand, then a flip into wet newspaper on the fire (brain kill first!), illegal because of the fun and possibly fears of reincarnation?
Shirley there is some mistake. C4 is a perfectly good coffee bar in Christchurch and I would rather that Merc did not use it as a firestarter.
ReplyDeleteI can't tell you what that merc fella might do, really it's like two people inside with him, it, her.
ReplyDeleteBullets just don't retain their terminal ballistics in a medium as heavy as water.
ReplyDeleteAh! you saw that episode of Mythbusters also?
I WISH!
ReplyDeleteI dropped a perfectly good stainless Ruger 4" .357 into Pilsbury Lake trying to shoot fish that mostly existed in my imagination.
Dammit!
And yes, it's completely true you can light C4 on fire. It burns hot and fast, and a chunk the size of your thumbnail will boil a cup of water in seconds. But here's the thing. When you're done? Do NOT stomp it out. That is, unless you have an unlimited supply of feet...
ReplyDeleteWould I lie to you?
ReplyDeleteWell, in whatever form of post-apocalyptic compound I wind up in, mikey is automatic Armory Officer.
ReplyDeleteAlso, we have apparently broken the "recent Comments" feature, although judging by the relative lack of nearby destruction, I don't think mikey and his C4 habit are to blame...
Definitely first procurement officer.
ReplyDeletetrator, without I aren't we all?
When I surf I enter the food chain, some long place down the list
ReplyDeleteUpabove, our food chain is a little different.
Don't you be going all Chain Of Being on my ass...
ReplyDeleteseahquo, yeah I do.
Did someone say 'food chain'?
ReplyDelete