Thursday, February 17, 2011

Name that nematode: Inaugural Parasite Blogging

Research reveals a significant association between the level of religious fervour in a community and the prevalence of parasites. To put it another way, mindworms and tapeworms go together.

Worst case of nematodes EVAH.
Or possibly Morgellons.

This is a complex situation because obviously both variables are linked with confounding factors like 'poverty' and 'poor education'. But rather than wait for a LISREL analysis to trace the direction of causality, best public-health practice demands that we step up the screening of trans-substantiated wafers and wine as possible vectors for trichinosis and hydatids and so on. Precautionary principle and all that.*

Also, can we be sure that the transsubstantiated godmeat is free from divine neural tissue, with the associated risk of prion diseases?
This is my body, placed for you on the conveyor belt that will end in the Advanced Meat Recovery room.

Sadly, none of this is likely to happen until someone rarks up public opinion with a best-selling exposé about the squalid conditions and corner-cutting that go on behind the scenes in the communion-wafer industry.

* We had a precautionary principal at Hastings Boys High School. Oh how we laughed at his lectures on the importance of seatbelts.



UPDATED: Bonus Godmeat Conveyor-belt imagery.

Animation potential!

Needs moar revolving knives.



UPDATE2: Bonus Bonus Godmeat on the way to the Advanced Meat Recovery room!

13 comments:

Willy said...

"Albatross!"

"Do I get wafers with it?"
- - - - - -
Has nobody has produced a paper correlating religoisity with mental illness?

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

...until someone rarks up public opinion with a best-selling exposé about the squalid conditions and corner-cutting that go on behind the scenes in the communion-wafer industry.

Smut, you are that someone. As long as you don't get distracted.
~

vacuumslayer said...

Parasites affect everyone differently. My parasites make me more sensitive to light, sound and gravity.

Whale Chowder said...

I'll have my communion wafer medium-well, please, with a nice merlot.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Research reveals a significant association between the level of religious fervour in a community and the prevalence of parasites.

Those aren't snakes you're handling!

vacuumslayer said...

"Those aren't snakes you're handling!"

Oh, pardon me.

Smut Clyde said...

My parasites make me more sensitive to light, sound and gravity.

And to taste and smell? Or are you past the morning-sickness stage now?

guitarist manqué said...

During the time that doctors in the 'greatest goddam country in the world' took to diagnose the enormous parasite growing in Mrs Manqué there were remarkable psychological symptoms, the most unusual being memory related (memories created and destroyed at random). Fortunately there was no increased religiosity, one can only take so much.

Smut Clyde said...

The same Godmeat-on-conveyor-belt pose turns up in Chapter 4 of The Incal, when John DiFool enters Techno City, but I can't be arsed scanning it in.

vacuumslayer said...

"And to taste and smell? Or are you past the morning-sickness stage now?"

Oh yes. Otherwise I surely would have alerted your brother.

Smut Clyde said...

there were remarkable psychological symptoms, the most unusual being memory related

Morbidly-curious inquiring minds would like to hear more, if Mrs Manqué can be persuaded to tell the story.

mikey said...

I can't be arsed to go into any detail, but the primary differentiator between Type I and Type II parasites is the direction of flow.

Type I parasites generate a powerful OUTBOUND arse flow (Subby McGravy has imagery if you need clarification) while Type II parasites gain access to the host through the arse, typically a hard to detect wiggly jiggly giggly right up the old chute 'til you've got the whole thing in your lower bowel and oddly, an utter inability to be arsed to look it up...

Smut Clyde said...

typically a hard to detect wiggly jiggly giggly right up the old chute

I think I would detect that.