Tuesday, June 7, 2011

There's one on the right side and there's two on the left

Idea for a fantasy novel in the Jorkens / club-story genre:

The tame animals / familiars belonging to various cartoonish supervillains have their own club.* Their contracts allow them a night off once a month from perching on their employers' shoulders, which they spend instead at the Daimonion swapping stories of supervillainish incompetence.

Accompanied by his Gaki, the Biwa mulls over his
plan to conquer the world with pentatonal music.
Some chapters centre on the perennial grumbling about supervillains who pretend that their devilishly brilliant schemes for world domination and wealth beyond the dreams of avarice are their own inspirations, and that the tame animal on the shoulder is just there to provide ironic counterpoint to their brilliance (or to implore "Don't go! Don't go!" in the case of Haze-Gaunt's spectral tarsier). How the club members would like to set the record straight.

The typical animal-on-supervillain-shoulder is a primate. The club members are still arguing whether to relax the rules and admit strap-on electronic memory-augments that have advanced from merely reminding their owners of appointments to controlling their neurochemistry and running their entire lives. Inevitably there are supervillains who want to show off with more exotic, more expensive animals but the pet-rhinoceros-perching-on-the-shoulder experiment has not been repeated.

An animal on one side is enough. Going for a pair is generally regarded as try-hard.


* Idea completely unstolen from the Sidekick Lounge.


UPDATED with bonus Gogol the alien telepath, (a) to show that cats belonging to supervillains are welcome in the Daimonion Club as long as they meet the 'sitting on shoulders rule', and (b) as an excuse to add the 'helping tigris' tag.

17 comments:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

I support Homer in his effort to achieve balance, and also failing totally.
~

tigris said...

The club members are still arguing whether to relax the rules and admit strap-on electronic memory-augments etc

Test for entry: offer strap-on a banana.

mikey said...

Pssshhhh.

I've been trying to get my casually dressed monkey butler to sit on my shoulder for YEARS.

The only time he'll accommodate me is when he has to take a particularly nasty and runny shit.

I've figured out his game, but you gotta admit a non-human sidekick on your shoulder loses much of it's threatening or coolness factor when it's wearing a diaper.

Turns out to be true with astronauts, too...

Smut Clyde said...

Dibs on the concept of "Monkey Butler Apprentice" as a reality TV show.

mikey said...

You got it.

I'll run with "Monkey Butler Astronaut"

Substance McGravitas said...

You'd think it'd be an advantage to be born with one, BUT NO.

Smut Clyde said...

What hump?

Another Kiwi said...

BEHIND YOU!!

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Is there a place in the club for animals that don't perch on their fiendish masters's lap, such as Blofeld's cat or 77south's alligator snapping turtle?

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Uh, perch on their master's shoulder... ignore the man behind the cretin!!!

Substance McGravitas said...

Only the stinkiest of supervillains choose to have a perch on their shoulder.

Smut Clyde said...

Shirley Mr McGravitas is thinking of a smelt on one's shoulder.

such as Blofeld's cat
Cats are welcome but they have to sit on shoulders. Gogol can do it so it is not too much to ask.

I didn't make the rules.

Kathleen said...

make sure to admit Lord Peter Wimsey to your club so he can solve any murders that take place.
and there will be murders oh yes.

Another Kiwi said...

Getting Bunter to balance on Lord Peter's shoulder may be difficult.

Smut Clyde said...

Murders? Prime suspect is the ventriloquist's dummy who is really the ventriloquist.

Gentlewoman said...

Oh, dudes. Lay off the akavit, k?

Smut Clyde said...

Nonsense, Gentlewoman. The only akavit-related problem here is that you have evidently not consumed enough.