Thursday, January 2, 2014

The weasel-poo gourmet coffee-bean industry need not fear the feline competition

Do not eat the magic beans, people! Firstly, no-one wants magic farts. Second, they are likely to germinate internally and send their tendrils sprouting out through all available orifices as well as the sutures of your skull in the manner of an otherworldly orchid or a dream-apple seed.

Fortunately this did not happen to Mrs Spat when she brought us a bean or nut or something as an early $mas present, although it was firmly wedged in her duodenum, for she is not a fan of the time-wasting activity of chewing her food. The blockage resulted in a few days gone AWOL without eating or drinking, followed by a few more days of nil-by-mouth at the vet, and finally expensive surgery, and a bill running over two itemised pages.

Now I have the bean, which really should be a gold nugget for what it cost me, and Spat has a zipper of sutures along her midline and looks like a pyjama bag. STUPID CAT you are NOT A LABRADOR.

10 comments:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

♫ Don't fear the pooper...♫

Good to see that Mrs. Spat (and Tigris) have been halped.
~

fish said...

That is the most realistic pillow pet I have ever seen. do the batteries go in where the zipper is?

Smut Clyde said...

She is unrealistically large.

mikey said...

I can think of NO REASON why you should not plant the damn thing and see what kind of alien spawn from hell sprouts out of the many-venomed earth.

If it turns out to be an unthreatening apple tree hosting a talking serpent, keep Mrs. Smut away from the damn thing, wouldja?

Oh, lookee here. WordVer accuses me of being repeatedly oweemish. Now, that's just unfair. Sure, I was oweemish the other night, but I was drunk...

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Poor Mrs Spat. I guess she won't be catching small automobiles for a while.

El Manquécito said...

This is why competing blogs are shutting down, not enough cat pics.

WV sez; ubuythi made

Not gonna buy a made from riddled but I could see renting one.

Hamish Mack said...

Jeepers, I am NOT climbing the beanstalk that grows from that bean. Mrs. Cat says "Rock on, Mrs. Spat"

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Off topic (or IS it??): I see mention of orbs and earthquakes.

See? The Orbs ARE here to help us.
~

Smut Clyde said...

You mean these orbs and earthquakes?

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Yes, that is indeed where I seed them.
~