Thursday, March 31, 2016

Early drafts of Bach's allegorical novel were called "Jonathan Livingstone Rattus" and described the aspirant rodent's attempts to overcome his biological limitations and teach himself to vomit

Above: The Vulgar Little Mouse acquired that name from its habit of drinking Kestrel 9% all afternoon, reciting dirty limericks and all 18 verses of the Ball of Kerrymuir, and puking in letter-boxes on the way home.

Research into rodent regurgitation really began in 1955 with Garcia's pioneering observation that rats do not throw up after exposure to gamma radiation, despite experiencing nausea (as evinced by their literary output of French existential novels).

A more recent study concluded that other rodents are equally emesis-impaired. Their inability is partly explained by their anatomical design, but also they seem to have lost the neural structures that other mammals use to coordinate the intricate muscular ballet known as a "puke".


The question of whether rats can throw up, and (if so) what they require as sufficient incentive, acquired political relevance after the loosely-choreographed consortium of weasels occupying the skin-bag known as "Ted Cruz" felt obliged to call a press conference and report their collective erotic predilection:

Horn et al. used a variety of emetic and nauseant drugs, while filming their subjects from below in suitably-sized enclosures (ruling out the use of coypu and capybaras) to document their unsuccessful stomach-purging convulsions.

The paper is further enlived by a description of the "brain-stem preparation" used to "conduct detailed recordings of mouth, esophagus, and shoulder movements, and neural activity of the phrenic nerve", in the absence of higher brain function.
Animals were then transected below the diaphragm and [...] decerebrated above the superior colliculi. [...] The cerebellum and abdominal cavity organs were removed, keeping the esophagus to the level of the gastroesophageal junction.
Which brings us back to Republican voters.
Below: A Brown-Jenkin rat, stealing Trump
toupée to disguise itself as a skwirl
UPDATE: "Where am I supposed to find a picture of a nauseated beaver?" I asked.

10 comments:

J— said...

ruling out the use of coypu and capybaras

Well, that's unfortunate.

Smut Clyde said...

I am disappointed by the absence of actual vomiting in J-'s "vomiting capybara" youtuber.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Poor Donguri. No one would even hold her hair?
~

fish said...

Donald Trump may be a rat, but I have no desire to copulate with him."

Doesn't this actually imply that if the rat were not Donald Trump, he would be interested?

fish said...

ruling out the use of coypu and capybaras

That's because capybaras are not rodents, they are fish.

J— said...

I am disappointed by the absence of actual vomiting in J-'s "vomiting capybara" youtuber.

The video description covers it with "vomit/regurgitate."

Smut Clyde said...

Doesn't this actually imply that if the rat were not Donald Trump, he would be interested?

It is difficult to single out any one aspect of Cruz's statement as being creepier than the other aspects.

In my day, the idea of dirty politics was to accuse your opponent of bestiality (and to make him deny it), but Cruz is not clear on the concept.

Smut Clyde said...

capybaras are not rodents, they are fish. Beavers were also fish, for the same reason.

Coypu, it seems, have never been piscine. Even so, the Louisiana Dept. of Wildlife & Fisheries is encouraging people to add them to the menu:
http://nutria.com/site14.php

(Horn et al. did study coypu after all, they just called them "nutria" to confuse me).

J— said...

Re: ratfucking

Something to keep an eye on, from a lengthy Bloomberg piece on on-line dirty tricksters/consultants working for right-wing politicians in Latin America:

Last year, based on anonymous sources, the Colombian media reported that Rendón was working for Donald Trump’s presidential campaign. Rendón calls the reports untrue. The campaign did approach him, he says, but he turned them down because he dislikes Trump. “To my knowledge we are not familiar with this individual,” says Trump’s spokeswoman, Hope Hicks. “I have never heard of him, and the same goes for other senior staff members.” But Rendón says he’s in talks with another leading U.S. presidential campaign—he wouldn’t say which—to begin working for it once the primaries wrap up and the general election begins.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

"Let me be clear: Donald Trump may be a rat, but I have no desire to copulate with him."

Donald Trump is no Hisvet.

Even so, the Louisiana Dept. of Wildlife & Fisheries is encouraging people to add them to the menu:

I've been in Cajun country... Cajuns need no encouragement to eat nutria.