Saturday, April 29, 2017

Go home, Google Translate. You are drunk

This is why Finland can't have nice things:
Yeah! Shub-Niggurath!
Come on! Shub-Niggurath!
Come on! Shub-Niggurath!
YEARS! Shub-Niggurath!
Shub-Niggurath!
We have Shub-Niggurath!
THANK YOU NOW! Shub-Niggurath!
We have Shub-Niggurath!
THANK YOU NOW! Shub-Niggurath!
Shub-Niggurath!
Shub-Niggurath!
Shub-Niggurath, ever since!
Shub-Niggurath! All right now!
Shub-Niggurath! Everyday!
Shub-Niggurath ever had it!
Shub-Niggurath! Ever since!
Shub-Niggurath has ever been here!
Shub-Niggurath has always been here!
Shub-Niggurath has ever been here!
Shub-Niggurath has ever been here in all times!
Shub-Niggurath! Ever since, all around the world!
Shub-Niggurath! In the days of nowadays, all over the world!
Shub-Niggurath! EVERYTHING EVERYTHING ALWAYS ALLOWED!
Shub-Niggurath! Ever since, all over the world!
Shub-Niggurath! Ever since, all around the world!
EVERYTHING EVERYTHING IS HERE! Shub-Niggurath!
Shub-Niggurath! Ever since, all around the world!
Shub-Niggurath! EVERYTHING EVERYTHING ALWAYS ALLOWED!
Shub-Niggurath! Ever since, all around the USA!
Shub-Niggurath! EVERYTHING EVERYTHING ALWAYS HERE!
Shub-Niggurath! EVERYTHING EVERYTHING ALWAYS ALLOWED NOW!
Shub-Niggurath! Ever since, all around the world!
Shub-Niggurath! EVERYTHING EVERYTHING!
Shub-Niggurath! Ever since, all around the world!


EVERYTHING EVERYTHING EVERYTHING HOW TO HAVE EVERYTHING
EVERY DAY THROUGHOUT ALL OF THE WEEK ALL OF THE WEEK
EVERYTHING EVERYTHING EVERYTHING ALWAYS ALLOWED
EVERY DAY THROUGHOUT ALL OF THE WEEK ALL
EVERYTHING EVERYTHING EVERYTHING
EVERYTHING EVERYTHING EVERYTHING EVERYTHING
EVERYTHING EVERYTHING ALWAYS ALLOWED
EVERYTHING EVERYTHING EVERYTHING
EVERYTHING EVERYTHING ALWAYS ALLOWED
EVERYTHING EVERYTHING ALWAYS HAVE EVERYTHING
EVERYTHING EVERYTHING ALWAYS HERE
EVERYTHING EVERYTHING ALWAYS HAVE EVERYTHING
EVERYTHING EVERYTHING ALWAYS HAVE EVERYTHING
EVERY DAY THROUGHOUT ALL THE WEEK
EVERYTHING EVERYTHING
EVERYTHING EVERYTHING
EVERYTHING EVERYTHING
HOW TO HAVE ALL OF THE YEARS
EVERYTHING EVERYTHING
EVERY DAY THEREOF
EVERY DAY THAT HAS BEEN HIMSELF
EVERYTHING IS HERE
EVERY DAY NOW
EVERYTHING IS HERE
EVERYONE THAT WE HAVE
All the time
EVERYONE
I've ever had time
In the past
In the evening
YES
Come on
Yeah

Coda
Yeah! Cthulhu!
I am! Cthulhu!
Do not you! Cthulhu!
Come on, I'm cthulhu!
Daddy Daddy Daddy Cthulhu!
Daddy Daddy Daddy Cumshot!
Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy Cumshot!
I'm sorry I'm sorry!
 

9 comments:

M. Bouffant said...

Nam-myoho-renge-kyo

H. Rumbold, Master Barber said...

+++MELON MELON MELON+++

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Does this mean that the Finns are actually Hyperboreans, perhaps the descendents of refugees from glacier-buried Commoriom? How does this fit into my CAS, HPL, REH, JRRT mashup? You know that the Cimmerians are actually Atlanteans, who are actually Numenoreans. I can haz nine-figure film deal?

Smut Clyde said...

JRRT definitely drew on the Finnish pantheon when he was naming the semi-deities in the Silmarillion. The Whackyweedia tells me that Elven languages are largely inspired on Finnish, but that should be obvious to anyone who's read the Kalevala. You could go as far as to say that High Elves are basically Finns, which I suppose puts the wood-elves of Mirkwood on a par with Estonians and Karelians, which would explain a lot about their uncouth behaviour. Just don't get any of them drunk while in possession of a puukko.

Emma said...

I discover, after leaving the internet for less than a month, that I have missed multiple episodes of my favorite alt-health quacktitioner soap opera — including lots of new content in my favorite yogurt-related subplot (how yogurt ever reinvented itself as a modern cure-all is a mystery to me; at least in the 20th century people preferred their snake oil to be radioactive and sciencey-sounding). And something called a rotoverter! Which is made from an old lawnmower engine (?) and lots of fancy clear plastic tubes, and which "THEY" will stop at nothing to possess. I mean, you'd think if THEY wanted a rotoverter so badly, THEY would just build one themselves, wouldn't you? Rather than kill people and freeze all their assets and steal it or whatever. I suppose I just can't put myself in THEIR shoes, though; I lack dominant megalomania genes. Like sands through the hourglass...

And now here I find you are worshiping Cthulu, like some kind of conventional theist!

I've actually never read Lovecraft. My very first exposure to him was in Stephen King stories (I was a big King fan when I was a little girl), and so I avoided Lovecraft because I thought reading his work would drive me literally insane. Then, a few years ago, I saw The Shadow Over Innsmouth online, read the first few pages, and thought, Hmmm, this is actually quite boring. Also, the story's Wikipedia entry is not inspiring:

Price notes that Fishhead, as the "son of a Negro father and a half-breed Indian mother," "embodies unambiguously the basic premise of The Shadow Over Innsmouth.... This, of course, is really what Lovecraft found revolting in the idea of interracial marriage...the subtextual hook of different ethnic races mating and 'polluting' the gene pool."

I mean. That's basically me. Why would Lovecraft be so scared of me that he had to exorcise his revulsion in fiction? It's distressing. I have this problem a lot, with the Great Masters.

However! That Wikipedia entry also asserts that another of Lovecraft's influences was a story called "The Harbor-Master," which I read many years ago in a used paperback horror collection that also contained the short story you often bring up here at Riddled, about the man who drank so much green tea he started hallucinating/'truly seeing' an evil green ape with red eyes all the time, and maybe had to kill himself in consequence. As well as a story about a man who revered perfection so ardently that he murdered his wife and child when he found out the wife was missing a toe (her ghost revenged herself with his murder, I think), a story about a red room in an old mansion that made you kill yourself if you slept in it, and various other nightmare-generating stories that kept me awake 24 hours a day for much of my childhood.

Anyway, my point is: "Shub-Niggurath! EVERYTHING EVERYTHING ALWAYS ALLOWED!" is probably giving Lovecraft a headache even now.

Didn't know the thing about Finnish elves, either.

A day of learning and discovery, and it's not even noon yet!

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

I left the internet for months, too!

Err, blooger. Maybe I'm back.
~

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Good to see you back, old chum! You have an international fan-base to think about!

Smut Clyde said...

I discover, after leaving the internet for less than a month

See, I wasn't paying attention when you returned, so I missed the sudden flurry of news & reviews on Sea Rabbits. Adding it now to the Blo Groll.

That's basically me. Why would Lovecraft be so scared of me that he had to exorcise his revulsion in fiction?

Even weirder, Lovecraft was scared of himself. One of his favourite Surprise Endings to stories is where the protagonist discovers that his ancestors were not fastidious about species barriers, and one is Driven to Insanity by Winds from the Abyss, and it all ends badly. Lack of purity in one's personal bloodline was one of the worst things Lovecraft could imagine (so he assumed that all his readers shared his mixed-ancestry phobia); it was one aspect of his broader theme of Cosmic Horror, where all our intellectual solidities and comfortable assumptions are a fragile self-deceptive bubble.
But ultimately it gave the world such delights as the Fishmen song and Death to the World.

thought, Hmmm, this is actually quite boring.

Lovecraft's prose started out as a pastiche of Dunsany's, but then he tried to make it less lyrical and more, well, crabbed and scholarly. Being paid by the word did not improve his style.

Emma said...

Adding it now to the Blo Groll.
Awww, how lovely! I will try to live up to Riddled's impossibly high multidisciplinary standards.
Perhaps I should also change my name to "Vulgar Emma."

Even weirder, Lovecraft was scared of himself.
On closer examination, it seems as though Lovecraft was not merely a callow racist, and actually appears to have struggled with legitimate mental illness for much of his life. So I will conditionally forgive him his stupid shit moron ideas. Also I know what it is to be terrified of one's latent potential for degeneration! I put my 23&Me raw DNA into Promethease a couple of weeks ago, found out I was heterozygous for methionine @ M129V, and then had three-day panic attack before realizing that about half the human population — including "basically all the Chinese people" — is also heterozygous for methionine @ M129V. Still ain't eating no more hotdogs.