And the Quicklime girl still plies her trade Reduction of the many from the one

It has not gone unnoticed how war-crime forensic archaeologists show little enthusiasm for the rest of the human remains but focus their attention on the state of preservation of the victims' brains: *

• Almost 50% of individuals from a Spanish 1936 mass grave had their brains preserved.
• Chemical analysis confirms that these brains were preserved by saponification.
• Three factors influenced brain preservation: microbiological, chemical and physical.
• A forensic and holistic approach is emphasized for the recovery and analysis of human remains in forensic context.

[Thx Neuroskeptic]

It is a vision of a parallel world in which Guillermo del Toro directed the Indiana Jones movies.

We note, regretfully, that the process of saponificaton may preserve the structure of the cranial contents, perhaps even at the microscopic level, but the chemicals have been sea-changed into something strange and new. Analeptic Alzabo is the tomb-robbing historian's best friend, but it would be of little use here, and the prospect of the 3^rd season of "iZombie" shifting the action to Spain is just not gonna happen.

In other news, not entirely coincidental, Professor Michael Persinger is still at the top of his game. Building on earlier brain-related reports, he provides another installment of his unconventional and stimulating perspectives on embodiment, and further demonstrations that structure -- not metabolic activity -- is what counts. It may be that his team at Laurentian University could provide the Spanish team with first-hand clues for identifying the culprits of the Civil War atrocity.

Much as a printed circuit diagram of a Symbolic Hieronymus Machine fulfills its function every bit as well as an actual circuit of wire and capacitors and battery, so a 20-year-pickled slice of cortical tissue retains its neural wiring diagram (although the proteins are denatured and cross-linked and the lipid membranes are vulcanised rubber), allowing it to show detectable gamma- and theta-wave activity when steeped in neurotransmitters. Not to mention the emissions of bio- necrophotons, and the responses to auditory frequencies in the primary auditory cortex. All implying that it also retains a dim flickering level of consciousness, memory and awareness of its status as a slice of brain in a jar of formalin.

Mind you, Nicolas Rouleau and Persinger have previously found EEG activity in blue PlayDo, so the bar is not high.

Right: Nicholas Rouleau: Another
victim of Nominal Determinism?

I for one am withholding judgement on Persinger's necroneurology until he manages to access the memories locked within a 130-million-year-old dinosaur brain.

AFTERTHOUGHT: Therein lies the script for a mash-up of 'Jurassic Park' and 'Total Recall', with an contraband trade in first-person dinosaur experiences that goes horribly wrong. I would watch the hell out of that.

----------------------------------------------------------

* During the excavation of the Spanish Civil War grave at La Pedraja (Burgos, Spain), 104 individuals were found interred within it, 45 of which displayed brains that were preserved but dehydrated and reduced in size.[...] The results of the analyses on these morphologically identifiable human brains confirmed the presence of nerve structures, fatty acids, and in one case ante-mortem evidence for an intracranial haemorrhage. The fatty acid profile corresponds to the process of saponification. Therefore, the interpretation is that the preservation of these brains at the mass grave of La Pedraja was due to the saponification process, which was influenced by the manner and cause of death, the chemical composition of the brain, the physicochemical properties of the soil and the meteorological conditions at the time.

Like a Treen in a disabled spaceship

Physalis

Whatever happened to lyric poetry? Where are the poets of yesteryear? Often are these questions asked at the Old Entomologist, followed shortly by questions like "Why are you such loonies?" and "When do you propose to pay off your bar tab?" Which means that it is time to order another round of "Cape Gose-berry" Goslar-style sour beer (with Physalis peruviana for vitamin C) and change the subject.

According to Pohl and Kornbluth [1952], anyone "capable of putting together words that stir and move and sing" has found a comfortable niche in the advertising industry, one more productive and lucrative than versifying could offer. But that statement is no longer operative... these days, all the true poets have become predatory publishers, where they exercise their word-smithy skills in the demanding, abbreviated metier of journal titles.


Thus the International Journal of Recent and Futuristic Cryogenics Engineering. Only eight words, but so condensed, so evocative! Imagine the work that went into choosing those eight words. In the mind they exfoliate and effloresce like vacuum flowers, conjuring images of Futurity the way it used to be, all nuclear-powered zeppelins and the monolithic towers and 30th-floor ped-ways of Metropolis...


...and bowler-hatted Treens on the #93 Holborn Helibus...

sky-cycles and streamlining, monorails and utility suits...

They conjure a Dan Dare plot-line, possibly involving the capture and cryogenic preservation of the Pilot of the Future.
The unsung genius behind "A D Publication" is productive, too, with a further 55 titles... although an element of weary repetition creeps in, and most of them involve Futuristic Management, Futuristic Technology, Futuristic Engineering, and other expressions of the epithet. Nothing could be more future-looking than a loosely-codified collection of Dark Ages superstitions and conmanship, so we should not forget the International Journal of Recent and Futuristic Ayurveda Science.

But crucially, the IJoR&FCE is the only one whose Raputed Editor Board consists of a mysterious Dr Z. Can one speculate that this is a pseudonym adopted by the Mekon in the course of his nefarious schemes? It would be irresponsible not to.

The Riddled Universal Journal of Journal-Title Poetics and Prosody solicits readers' submissions, at a purely nominal publication fee, all contributions to undergo rigorous and prestigious double-blind peer review from our editoral panel.


BELOW: Not two, not four, but three different visions of Futurity, because that is how we roll at Riddled.

It's springtime now and cares subside And the planting's almost done

There were random gratuitous acts of wrapping, and outbreaks of bedecking and festoonage at the Old Entomologist, and the moon was blotted out at night by the flights of reindeer and sleighs on reconnaissance expeditions. It did not take your perspicacious Riddled reporter long to recognise these as the warning signs of Christmas... which means that it is the season once again to open up the Riddled Gift Shop and offer some giving-time suggestions!

1. Self-pruning shrubbery. Perfect for every gardener. Saves no end of labour in Spring, leaving more time to lying on the grass drinking Old Sheepshagger. I have no idea why there is a stray chyron caught in the foliage like one of Charlie Brown's kites. For a small monthly retainer you can hire Another Kiwi to come out and shout at the trees occasionally, and the nice rocks in the foreground are free.

2. Apple tree. Condition uncertain as whenever AK goes out to shout at it, the naked snake lady throws apples at him. She does seem to get rid of the chyrons.

3. Trained bug-eating poultry. Make short work of hurebers, blackfly, whitefly, greenfly, yellowbacks and any other colour-coded insect pests.

For some reason the feathered little buggers will only peck at their arthropod targets if these are shaped like minims and crochets and quavers, and if they are caught on rectilinear spider-webs. I am beginning to suspect that poultry are not very smart and I sympathise with the dispirited mood of the kaka at lower right, forced into propinquity with such unintelligent company.

4. Non-pruning shrubbery is also available. We acquired the plants under the firm impression that they were grape-vines but after close inspection, Another Kiwi vouchsafed that the grape bunches are mere decorative adornments bedecking each bush, festooned around it like $mas decorations. There will be stern and forceful words with the vile Throgmorton the next time he sees fit to make an appearance. 95% naked-snake-lady free.

------------------------------------------------

It has come to our attention that the Self-Pruning Shrubbery illustration was in use as a printer's mark in books from the 1530s onwards. I can only surmise that time travel was involved, and perhaps an expedition to Leiden in 1529 to procure cheap Memlings.

Deep is the well of the past. Should we not call it bottomless?

Any number of months have passed since Another Kiwi informed the eager Riddled readership about the exciting and lottery-based nature of drinking the tapwater in Havelock North. Now you are probably asking yourself many questions, like "What's really in these Cornish Pasties from Mrs Miggins' Pie Shop?" and "How about an update?" For AK has been silent on recent developments in the story, and it may be that he has been nobbled or his silence has been bought by Big Water, although I am more inclined to suspect the involvement of Big Gin.

Now we are focused here on the Heretaunga Plains, where --  if I may quote a bottled-water company --

Three major rivers cross the plains; the Ngaruroro, the Tukituki and the Tutaekuri.

But no-one of any sense drinks water from these rivers because before they pass by the Cities of the Plains they trickle through dairy-farm country. Suffice to say that "Tutaekuri" translates into the English as "dog shit". I am not making this up. Instead we rely upon artesian wells and akvavit, in Hastings at any rate (how they cope in Napier does not bear thinking about).

By "Recent developments" I refer of course to the GNS report:

Yesterday Hastings District Council released a report from GNS Science, which revealed water - some as young as a month old - had been found in its bores.

"Water in the bores", you are thinking, "that sounds good, it's the very thing they're looking for, like finding a lump of coal in a coal mine", feel free to think this in a Peter Cook voice. But a word was elided there... they refer specifically to under-aged water finding its way into the pipes, and in this particular situation, it seems, when dealing with water, fresh is not necessarily best. Water improves with age, in the manner of wine and Old Scythe-Sharpener Beer-Flavoured Beverage and AK's jokes, preferably decades. So this is not a desirable situation.

"Clearly what it means is that for the first time we can now show it is new [water], something has dramatically changed in the aquifer and there is new water entering what were traditionally very secure supplies."

Borewater may be hallucinogenic

The reason for the change is uncertain.

this could suggest levels of water abstraction - the taking of water from the aquifer for irrigation, industrial use, municipal water supply and other purposes - might be having an influence on the aquifers...

In retrospect it could be that Hastings was not the optimal location to set up a $2mill factory pumping out 900,000 m³ / year from the aquifer to ship to China for the bottled-water industry.

Timely Oglaf is timely

Last night's "Notochord homologs in the Pterobranchia and Haiku Slam Night" at the Old Entomologist turned somehow into a brainstorming benefit night, as we thought of new illustrations that the Miracle Water company might want to use on its labels for future shipments.

AFTERTHOUGHT:

What keeps bringing me back to the GcMAF market is the high calibre of individuals one thereby encounters (#104)

Woof Woof!

What's that, Widdlebum? There's been an accident with the Canterel 8-Tesla Tooth Magnet?

Woof Woof!

Another Kiwi and Swearing Bob are testing the Advanced Alcohol Imbibement prototype in breach of the Health-&-Safety protocols?

Woof Woof Woof!

Ah, Widdlebum, you are correct about the Vieland brain-stimulating nostril-torch; it is clearly a rip-off of a recent Riddled invention. I shall pass your woofage on to our legal counsel, Messrs Trahison & Clerisy (solicitors and commissioners for oaths), so that they can advise us of our legal redress.

Though I cannot deny that the Vielight is a classy appliance, targetted to stimulate the immune response as well as illuminate the lobes. It's a backbrain stimulator, it's a cerebral vibrator, OOOPS sorry about the Hawkwind lyrics, they are bleeding though from the Riddled Prog Rock Podcast. The accompanying blurb appears to have been penned by someone whose first language was Computer Network Geek rather than English --

It directs pulsed near infrared light (NIR) to the hubs of the default mode network (DMN) of the brain using optimally engineered light emitting diodes (LED).
Research on DMN abnormalities and related neuro-pathologies are highly advanced, providing useful data for us to further develop the Neuro. It also allows us to address the whole brain by targeting at a few hubs.

-- but the message comes through that if you succumb to virus or bacterium it was for lack of a nasal / trans-cranial spotlight.

So we took ourselves straight to the supplier's on-line shop, expecting to find more of our intellectual property shamelessly plundered, including the inventions we haven't even invented yet. And what a cornucopied revelation of WTF it was at
1. www.TotalHealingInstitute.com!
Behold, to begin, the magnificence of the DENAS-Vertebra-2 Back-Massaging Neuro-reprogrammer: it may look like a prog-rock hipster keyboard fucked a turbot, but it has 4 automatic therapeutic programs and additional 1 NEW INNOVATIVE PROGRAM - individual prevention and treatment of acute and chronic spinal diseases:

This is a significant increase in the effectiveness of treatment and medical vozmozhnosteyapparata expansion by increasing the number of programs.

I could not have put it better myself. When we get around to inventing the original, I shudder to think what its purpose will be.
Other points of interest include the TrueRife Hyperdrive Cellular Attunement Oscillator, Qx2 Double Bubble with Amplification Shroud, dilithium-crystal warranty void at speeds in excess of Warp Factor 8,

NEW F-117 Hyperdrive frequency generator and Amplifier. This is the engine that drives all other devices. With a built in Micro-processor it is the only Plasma based frequency instrument with scanning capabilities when connected to the GRS Scanner.

...and the Synergy Cold Corona Ozone Machine. And we saw St. Elmo's Fire, spitting ions in the ether FECK there go the lyrics bleeding through into reality again. But they provide an excuse to link to Brian Eno, so no harm done.


The LiveO₂ personal oxygen tents do not claim to concentrate Orgone Energy as well; the manufacturer dropped the ball there.

It came as no surprise to find that the ad copy for Organic Pure Sulfur (which sounds less industrial than "Methyl sulphonyl methane") is focussed on CHEMTRAILS, and the UN's DEPOPULATION AGENDA 21, which only a sulphur-centred diet can save you from. For a sense of "Health Freedom!!' and "Logic and Consistency aren't the boss of me!!" pervades the whole site in the manner of colloidal-silver joss-sticks. Much of the copy-pasted rhetoric appears to be Yang Worship Words, added to foster a sense that the store's proprietors share an affinity with prospective customers and can therefore be trusted with their money, rather than to convey information. It is as if the consumer niche targeted here is a clientele of survivalist preppers, gold buyers, Trump voters and Sovereign Citizens, looking for fellow conspiracists to buy stuff from.

The store's Terms of Use continue in this vein. Do go and read them, they comprise an exercise in censorious asshattery a remarkable document -- built on the premise that the TotalHealingInstitute is a "Private Members Association", and that consumers become Association Members when they buy, exercising their Constitutional Right to Freely Associate. If it were a flag it would have gold fringes. Because

We believe that the Constitution of the United States is one of the wisest documents ever written by man, and that the signers of the Declaration of Independence did so out of love for freedom and for all people to live in a society where life, invention and creativity could flourish free of Governmental oppression.

-- This is best declaimed while dressed in the buskins of Greek Tragedy, and the next Riddled Amateur Dramatic Society production will consist of a recitation of this Membership Contract Memorandum of Understanding, in a range of histrionic voices, rendered more resonant by giant sea-shells built into the walls. Dora @HIVforum had fun with it.

The purchaser having Freely Associated, and formally acquiesced to the Contract by the act of reading it, he or she relinquishes all rights, promises to bring no Admiralty-Court lawsuits in the case of dissatisfaction or injury but submits to the adjudication of the Association. Children and grandchildren are bound by its terms unto the ninth generation. In the cause of FREEDOM. One Michael Carroll, Founder, enjoys the special confidence of the Trustees, who are mentioned in the Memorandum and therefore undoubtedly exist:

The Trustees and members have chosen Michael Carroll as the person best qualified to perform services to members of the Association and entrust him to select other members to assist him in carrying out that service.

Plating a Boiler

But despite its magisterial tone, the legal status of this foundational document is undermined by its equivocation about the name of the Association, which changes halfway through to "The Truth About Cancer Store Private Association Membership", and then to "Synergistic Nutrition Private Association". It is almost as if similar faux-legal screeds are common around the scammosphere, favoured by grifters and con-men hoping for legal immunity, and Michael Carroll boiler-plated a few bits together but lacked the attention to detail required for nominal consistency.

Woof woof yap!

It is funny you should mention that, Widdlebum. No, the panaceal wonder-drug GcMAF is not among the potions and nostra sold at TotalHealthInitiative, for that product lost its efficacy and was replaced by Reinwald Rerum, which Michael does import. And from the same people, Bravo Magic Yoghurt, rich in GcMAF-producing bacteria... This brought him within the ambit of the Riddled Mission Statement, and under its aegis, and perhaps even into its aembis. In fact, anticipating growth in this market, he opened a fifth Webstore devoted to the sale of fermented dairy products and $560 ampoules of immune-boosting Unobtainium (h/t Dora):

5. www.bravo-probiotic-yogurt.com

Yap yap woof!

Patience, Widdlebum. I was coming to the other three:
2. www.thetruthaboutcancerstore.com
3. www.oxygenhealthsystems.com

4. www.zenhealthstore.com

All with the same Membership Contract legalastic bafflegab, and a overlapping product ranges of Alt-Med tchotchkes. The main advance with #5 is the focussed range of worthless swill, and the address, which is no longer Michael's home abode... the sales team are evidently crowded into a PO box at a USPS office, and possibly they are recruited from the species of aliens who inhabit Locker C18 in MiB.

The overarching narrative of "Oxygen-for-Health" alternates with a counterpoint of "Oxygen is poison". Anti-oxidants of all forms and flavours abound, most of them with liposomes, for "liposomal" has become another Worship Word in alt-health circles. There is Marine Phytoplankton if your tastes run to Soylent Green. If coal eating is more your thing, there is RESTORE Pre-biotic Mineral Supplement from Biomic Sciences ("leading US-based developer of soil-derived supplements"), elsewhere glossed as "lignite extract",* formulated to remediate the havoc wrought on your intestinal lining by reckless consumption of Glyphosate and Gluten and GMOs and Garibaldi biscuits and Giraffopedes.

There is no connection between #2, or Michael's alternative domain www.TTACStore.com, and the longer established and more profitable site TheTruthAboutCancer.com -- which already has its own shop, as well as videos, conspiracy theories, and fraudulent promises of cures. The possibility that suckers might confuse the names is regrettable.

Anyway, you'll be glad to know that Michael Carroll is not resting on his laurels. His speed at staking out domains of potential on-line shops out-strips his ability to boilerplate new Association Membership Contracts and customise their internal nomenclature. Thus we are teased by a list of Yoghurt-shop variants, and disease-themed websites of the form "TheTruthAboutX.com". Not yet instantiated, these exist only as domains and place-holders, and we are currently deprived of his insights and privileged access to medical secrets... although I will go out on a limb and speculate that TheTruthAbout Celiac, Fibromyalgia, Lupus, Lymphoma and Psoriasis will prove to be that they can all be cured by sufficiently large doses of Bravo Yoghurt and magical polymerised sugars.

A second list of domains is equally tantalising:

Of them, www.painreliefusa.com, www.healnaturallynow.com and www.o2healthsystems.com redirect to #3. And although the Liposomal Store enjoys its own independent existence in Google Maps, liposomalstore.com redirects to #4. Practitioners of Zazen -- concerned to see their philosophy co-opted, traduced and pimped out as another consumerist confection, bedecked with stylings of Simplicity and Spontaneity -- will be relieved to learn that healinginzen.com also redirects to #3.

Activated water: Always ends badly

Most of all, however, I would like to learn more about hydratedwater.com and superhydratedwater.com... it appears that ordinary water is simply not adequate to human needs and must be processed, fulfilling the age-old Alchemical dream of water that contains more water. One can only speculate how the species survived until now, forced to drink water that had not been Alkalised, Oxygenated, Hydrogenated, Ionised, Deionised and Activated with Bond-Angle Realignment through Molecular Resonance, I am not making this crap up.

Here at Stately Riddled Manor we would pay well for technology to Deonionise water, as plants of the genus Allium seem to be growing in the plumbing somewhere, and we have a real problem with scallions and ramps emerging from the taps. To say nothing of the leeks in the pipes.

With all Mr Carroll's TruthAbout expertise, and the devices and treatments he retails, I struggle to understand why he needed the charity of strangers for his Holistic Cancer Medical Fund:

My name is Michael. Five years ago I was diagnosed with stage 4 Lympoma Cancer. For the 3 year prior to my diagnosis I had worked as a contractor support NATO and the US military in Afghanistan. During that period of time I had encourtnered very harsh conditions living and working on a Nato...

The GoFundMe appeals have been shut down, having raised a total of $0.00 towards the target of $300,000.00, after three months. I am just surprised that Michael found time for his patriotic heroism in Mesopotamia, what with all his website activities (not to forget his day job with a realtor firm).

It has not gone unnoticed that the MRET Water Activator bears more than a passing resemblance to another Riddled invention, the Plektodotroscope. Rest assured that the matter now rests in the hands of Messrs. Trahison & Clerisy. To be fair, the Plektodotroscope cannot be used as a $510 Kush breast-cushion.

----------------------------

* Full marks to the marketing dudes at Biomic who realised that suckers will pay well for a mixture of dirt and coal ash if it is billed as Organic and Natural.

UDDATE: I forgot the Free Shipping, $19.75.

Also the Carnivora, flytrap-extract cancer scam. Michael was hocking the stuff as Pure Spanish Fly (product now discontinued, sorry) --

Carnivora is also known as SPANISH FLY and is an aphrodisiac NATURAL libido enhancer promoting sexual health.

Congratulations, sir, you have made yourself into more of a low-life scuzzball than even Vi4gr@ spammers.

Zen cones

A reader is inspired to reminiscense:

I was hired by the local government to cut costs on emergency equipment by standing by the side of the road and warning drivers about upcoming roadwork.

Roadcone cosplay is not recommended in New Zealand, where the Kea is the Roadcone's main natural predator, for Keas are bitey little buggers.


The other natural predator of roadcones -- in Christchurch at least -- is the Mitsubishi sedan.

Cones have evolved a number of ways to disguise themselves from their enemies.

They masquerade with equal ease as flower-pots, as a giraffe and as the Duke of Wellington's head.

In groups they can disguise themselves as a chessboard or a sea-urchin.

HA HA that one is not a camouflaged roadcone; it is a pink flamingo in the middle of the Polhill Reserve, possibly placed there as part of a guerilla marketing campaign to promote a theatrical reenactment of a John Waters movie.

The orange colouration comes from caretenoid pigments concentrated in the roadcone's outer layers to demonstrate its fitness to potential mates and thereby improve its reproductive success. Except in Japan, where they come in all colours (including black and white) because Japan.

I for one am concerned that these chromatic aberrations are introduced to other countries, they will out-compete the orange variety, in the manner of grey skwirls. One can only hope that they only look like road cones and are in fact a variety of Kasa-obake.

http://www.contractormag.co.nz/contractor/feature/road-cones/