Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Lost Lake

I found it! Is there a reward?
I guess the authorities are not too worried about its precise location because they have built a barrier further up the river, so they know it can't wander very far.

Monday, September 26, 2016

Dentistry is theft

Perhaps these high- rotation scammy spam-heads at World Continuing Education Alliance have confused me with Herr Doktor Hans Peter Bimler -- celebrated creator of "Bimler Cephalometric Analysis", and of Bimler's Orthodontic Appliance. I can think of no other reason why they should be bombarding me with these once-in-a-lifetime biweeky opportunities to monetise my dental expertise.

13th September:
Want to monetize your Dental courses?
Would you be interested in distributing your content to more people?
Would you be interested in your courses generating more income?
Following 3 years of research and development we have now launched our Dental Continuing Dental Education Platform.
We have thousands of Dental professionals waiting for courses!
Find out about Selling more courses to your industry now.
Kind Regards,
World Continuing Education Alliance

WCEA - The World Continuing Education Alliance
16 Sovereign Park, Cleveland way, Hemel Hempstead, Herts HP2 7DA, UK
22nd September:
F R E E Dental Continuing Dental Education Distribution: get access today

Our new Dental Continuing Dental Education platform has just went live.
We would really value your opinion - you can join for FREE today and give us your feedback.
Our online seminars last around 10 minutes and will explain everything.
Let us know if you have any questions,
Kind Regards,
World Continuing Education Alliance

The World Continuing Education Alliance Ltd (WCEA)
16 Sovereign Park, Cleveland way, Hemel Hempstead, Herts HP2 7DA, UK
25th September:
Important: Sell MORE Dental courses


27th September:
Urgent: We need your Dental Continuing Dental Education courses!
We have Dental professionals waiting for courses.
We urgently require quality Dental courses.
If you are interested in distributing your Dental content please join our short online seminar to get started.
We look forward to hearing from you.
World Continuing Education Alliance 

The World Continuing Education Alliance Ltd (WCEA)
16 Sovereign Park, Cleveland way, Hemel Hempstead, Herts HP2 7DA, UK
Despite a slight similarity of surname, I am not that Herr Doktor, because (a) he died in 2003, and (b) he "was a perfect gentleman until the end".

UDATE: I should probably be grateful that the WCEA grifters did not confuse me with Herr Doktor Richard Bimler -- Lutheran evangelist from the Wheat Ridge Ministry, and author of [inter alia] the "Sex and the New You" guides for adolescents, and "Aging Joyfully: A Christian Guide". I do not care to speculate about the kind of spam they would be sending me, and the range of possible on-line courses to monetise my expertise that they would be inviting me to contribute.

Sunday, September 11, 2016

News from Nowhere Oslo

The alien slave raids grow more brazen every day.

No-one is safe from being sucked up in their mass tractor-beam abductions.

Saturday, September 10, 2016

When a new city of Clyde is created in my honour...

...I will insist that the street plan is based on the craquelure of Peder Balke paintings.
Conceivably there are secret subliminal messages there in Runic alphabet, perceptible only to Norwegian viewers.

Balke also painted lighthouses, providing "A Plague of Lighthouse-Keepers" as alternative title.

Sunday, September 4, 2016

What's going though your mind right now?

In the early days of lobotomies, the absence of x-rays and stereotactic devices made it difficult for the neurosurgeon to plan the lesion with any precision.
Not to mention the necessity of distracting the patient.

Saturday, September 3, 2016

From the dust I rose on high
Thunder cloud in a two-lane sky

Season follows season, as is their tiresome but time-honoured custom, and soon with the coming of Spring the garden bar at the Old Entomologist will be fit for human habitation again. At the moment it is only Old Jem who spends any time out there.

Which is a roundabout way of working up to warning you that another Riddled gardening column is about to occur. For your convenience, Old Jem's explanation of his garden-maintenance activities are translated into a rough approximation of English, rather than leave it in his own quaint but impenetrable rustic idiom, as a succession of meandering mouth-related sound-effects is liable to offend.

1. How many demons fell out of the sky in the course of winter and embedded themselves in the mud? Now it is time to get out the double-trenching spade and work up a sweat digging them in to a two-spit depth, or one capacious vomit, whichever comes first.

Despite an unpromising appearance, they make good fertiliser and enrich the humorous.
2. Have you checked the bindings around the mouths of the dragon stumps? Admit it, you forgot, everyone forgets... until the fabric perishes and their jaws are free and ugly rumours about missing children begin to percolate around the neighborhood again. That's why it's a good idea to wrap them with fresh bindings at the same time each year while the nasty brutes are quiet. I don't know why we grow them at all, it's not as if they produce any fermentable fruits; it must be a tradition, or an old charter or something.

3. There is still a heightened risk of lightning strike associated with the Magic Font. No-one knows why. Perhaps it is the wrong kind of magic.