Thursday, April 28, 2016

They are the Mothers!
Do you fear?
The Mothers! Mothers! Strange the word I hear

The details of hipster fermentation, if done properly, are even ickier than I realised:
I don't remember that from the Philip Jose Farmer story.
Here, it seemed, was the ultimate source of all miscreation and abomination. For the gray mass quobbed and quivered, and swelled perpetually; and from it, in manifold fission, were spawned the anatomies that crept away on every side through the grotto. There were things like bodiless legs or arms that flailed in the slime, or heads that rolled, or floundering bellies with fishes' fins; and all manner of things malformed and monstrous, that grew in size as they departed from the neighborhood of Abhoth. And those that swam not swiftly ashore when they fell into the pool from Abhoth, were devoured by mouths that gaped in the parent bulk.

Saturday, April 23, 2016

Spam, Spam, Spam, Pathos and Spam

The award for 'Most Embarrassingly Pathetic Plea for a Pity-Fuck from a wannabee predatory publisher' goes to...
Bio Accent!
From Renu and Ravi Kuppala, of Hyderabad. Not only naming their company like a laundry-powder additive; but also for contributions to fulsome flattery in the griftergram genre:
We, Bio Accent open access publishers came newly into publishing sector to provide a platform to the researchers, practitioners, students and professionals from both academia as well as industry to meet and share cutting-edge development in the field of Neurology.

We have found your profile from your institute; it seems you are a very good expert in Neurology. We don’t want to miss your appreciable work so, we are inviting you for manuscript submission in BAOJ Neurology.

We request you to let us know if you have any kind of research work to publish with us and please let me know your tentative date of manuscript submission.

We are expecting huge support from your side, so it will help us to get indexed & impact factor soon.

Awaiting for your positive response.


But "Fair words butter no more than 0.025% of parsnips" as we found in the course of rigorous research at the Riddled Experimental Cuisine Laboratory. A rough translation follows (courtesy of the Riddled Ktistec Machine):
Ktistec Machine
"The website collections of floor-sweepings, barrel-bottom scrapings, and jizzmop squeezings that we misrepresent as 'journals' are such contemptible trash that they are not indexed or impact-factored [and we can't be arsed buying a fake impact factor or fake indexing from one of the second-order parasites, or making up our own like the other low-lifes in the field]. It would benefit our scammy enterprise if we could steal reputation and prestige from established researchers. Please pay $650 each time you transfer your credibility to us."
From Oglaf
When this doesn't work, they will progress to the "Other Operation" (in which they offer not to publish my papers as long as I don't send them $650); and after that, to the "Other Other Operation" (in which they threaten to publish my papers, unless I send them $650).

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Laughing Jack -- Not just a murderous clown from Creepypasta

Alternatively known as Laughing Jim, Giant Flamecap, Spectacular Rustgill and Prächtiger Flämmling, all of which are acceptable names for adventurers in a Fritz Leiber novel, singly or together.
According to one guide, "A yellow cortina covers the gills of the immature fruitbodies, breaking and shriveling to leave fragments around the rim of the cap and around the stipe." I think they're just making that up. "Fragments of cortina around the Stipe" sounds suspiciously like a re-make of that Sledgehammer video.
This time of year they sprout in impressive clumps from tree stumps or logs, or in this case from a piece of log that must have been ploughed just under the soil during the last round of landscaping.
Some are said to contain psilocybin, but they are also hideously bitter, and may contain a range of other neurotoxins, and there are some things even I won't eat. Now using them to flavour beer, that's another matter.

Saturday, April 16, 2016

Letting the days go by, 365 of them since last ALaJVC Day

And you might ask yourself, How did I get here?
And you might ask yourself, Why am I dressed this way -- in the habit of a Cupatory Nun of the Littoral Dispensation, on the Isle of Varve in the Rhodomontane Reaches? Accompanied by a pair of the tutelary baboons essential to the votive duties of a Cupatory Nun, hoisting the Amphora of Holy Mugwump so that they might drink deep of the salted pineapple juice? And why does that costume appear to be modeled on the usual work clothes of Evangeline van Holsterin when she is barmaiding at the Old Entomologist?

And you might ask yourself, How is it that I address the baboons in this strange manner of speech, an idiom that is at once antic and lapidary and bombastic with braggadocio, as if intoned by Cardinal Bembo in the course of his secret career as a Landesknecht?

And then you remember, as if from a fading memory of a dream, that you allowed yourself to be cajoled and wheedled -- inveigled, even! -- into entering the immersive, multiple-player game that we at Riddled Research Laboratory commissioned from Space-Time Eddie. A game designed to celebrate International Act Like a Jack Vance Character Day,* and to make it easy by rephrasing all the players' interactions into the appropriate style.
And looking down at your avatar, you remember that the game assigns you a persona without offering a choice about the gender... any more than it allows a choice whether to be a mooncalf or a non-pareil. Eddie reckons that all the cool MMORPGs have gone this route of imposing an avatar's appearance, and it has nothing to do with making life easier for the programmers because of female characters in the Jack Vance universe generally having SFA to say.

You won't make that mistake again, will you?

* Don't worry, you still have until April 20 to mentally prepare.
Why is this not a MMORPG yet? In which guilds of crusading Librarians rampage from hexagon to hexagon of the infinite Library? The non-existence of "World of Lorecraft" is deeply disappointing.

Friday, April 15, 2016

Extraordinary Popular Delusions and the Madness of Crowd-funding
[Serious stuff, not enough jokes]

Back in the days, someone with smarts and experience warned against goofling for "GcMAF + GoFundMe" 'unless you are in the mood for a long parade of sadness and exploitation, in which the phrase "rejected Western chemotherapy" recurs like a Wagnerian Leitmotif farted out on a tuba.'
Now let me extend that warning to searching for "Mexican + clinic + cancer + GoFundMe". For the result is a litany of despair and desperation that will destroy all will to live and turn your previously sunny, optimistic disposition into a fish dinner without illumination, a long dark night of the sole.

Ultimate blame rests with the combination of magical thinking and conspiratorial Truther ideation... is there anything it can't accomplish? Once someone has accepted that there must be a cure for cancer, i.e. for the particular cell-line within them that have adopted a new agenda of short-term growth, then it is evident that because hospitals do not offer this cure then it is being suppressed, for the benefit of the elite. Therefore it will still be available from sketchy individuals in countries where central government is too weak to enforce that suppression, on account of governance being 50% corruption and 50% criminal gangs (also yawning inequities of wealth, the official policies of therapy-suppression are unlikely to stop the billionaire elite from getting what they want).

At which point it suddenly becomes a plausible claim that some bunch of self-certified butchers or hairdressers, having converted a condemned public toilet into a 'clinic' by slapping on a fresh coat of paint, are now in command of cutting-edge therapies that are decades of anything that well-funded first-world researchers can offer at their state-of-the-art facilities. Hence Ukrainian stem-cell clinics, and the Mexican cancer-leech industry, and such as.

Professional-charity crowdsourcing companies have been a godsend to the cancerleech industry. They no longer need to limit their charges to what individual victims can charge; the net is now broadened to whatever their victims can wheedle from their social network and from the generosity of strangers.
'gofundme hope4cancer': About 2,120 results
gofundme hoxsey clinic': About 65 results
'gofundme "oasis of hope" mexico':
So please to welcome Peggy-Sue and Rusty Roberts, of "Cancer Research Awareness", who will say whatever they must to talk cancer patients out of receiving chemotherapy or radiotherapy or surgery or any treatment that works; for they are recruiters and groomers for the Immunity Therapy Center of Tijuana and its panoply of worthless but theatrical ways of waving dead chickens modalities. Here in particular is Rusty, generously creating Annette's GoFundMe money-funnel. Annette cannot raise the $46000 that would undoubtedly save her life, but such is the philanthropic altruism of the Immunity Therapy Center, they are offering her a bounty for every patient she can persuade to come to them instead of to treatment that works.
The Peggy Sue special is will reduce treatment costs by $2000 for anyone who stays at the clinic for 6 weeks and contributes $200 or more to Annette’s campaign.
Oh joy, it is a pyramid scheme of mortality.

In a similar vein, please to welcome Amanda Mary, of Pearl Lodge (Bulgarian Ski-hotel-turned-quackcentre), giving of her time to set up a GoFundMe site for Anne Pharo, to help her pay the £15,000 demanded by Pearl Lodge for treatment. As of August 2015, with £3,486,
We are just £1,800 away from Anne being able to afford her treatment needed, we are so close and I just wanted to ask everyone to kindly share this information, maybe a little fundraiser or work raffle to help with the extra funds, we are so close now, all help will be well received with thanks x
but after that the site fell silent and was shuttered.

Now a challenger appears, in the form of Flor de la Salud!
They may not have GoFundMe charities that specify their name, but they do have Amanda Mary, wearing a white lab coat to reassure us that all is above board. I struggle to read the diplomas on the wall. Perhaps 'Caveat Emptor' is the assumed name of a clinician, a hommage to Dr Lecter.

Steve Kellogg asks your assistance for treatment.* He went to Flor de la Salud initially for stem-cell therapy for his metastatised prostate cancer, because stem cells are what plants bodies crave to destroy metastatic tumours [I don't understand that part either]. But now the clinicians are adamant that his cancer springs from a slipped cervical disc which must undergo surgical reconstruction before anything else will work, and he needs money for at least three more weeks there.
These internal and external protocols are unavailable in the U.S. Originally they planned to be there for 3 weeks, but after the doctors examined him and ran numerous tests this week, they find he needs surgery on a herniated disc in his neck. In addition to surgery, Steve is scheduled to have stem cell therapy.
As you can imagine, these extensive treatments and the extended stay comes at a cost they had not counted on.
Kellogg's charity is mainly of note because he is one of Amanda Jean's most enthusiastic cheerleaders. His Twitter stream is a paean of praise to the panaceal glory of GcMAF and credulous Tea-party politics and God.

Non-white people, always expecting hand-outs
Six months ago he was up at Pearl Lodge receiving the full protocol of GcMAF and bleach enemas, which totally cured his metastatic prostate cancer.**

It is not clear why the bonus surgery came as a surprise to Mr Kellogg, for the Grifter-in-Chief at Flor de la Salud is a slipped-disc carpenter who diagnoses and reconstructs nails slipped discs for everything... THAT IS WHAT HE DOES. All the other Alternative Modalities at the clinic, the ozone and chelation and Bach Flowers and the Magnetic Bed, they are just icing on the cake in case a patient still has money left over afterwards. But still, it's better than mainstream oncology with all that surgery, right?

When I learned that GoFundMe is owned by a private equity firm, and rakes off 5% of every donation, their uninterest in shutting down charities just because they're complicit in dodgy activities suddenly became less of a surprise.
* Mexico apparently lies beyond the reach of the Interlattice:
Due to the poor internet Steve has asked for me to withdraw funds and send him a check. I really would prefer to not handle it this way, but under these unusual circumstances I need to honor Steve's request.
"I have known Amanda Mary for a few years now. I attended her clinic in Bulgaria where I personally witnessed a very compassionate person. She helped people to obtain the recommended natural products for their illness, including mine. The restoration of health for nearly all was amazing. She has been so concerned about my health that she even used her own money to buy products for me, AT GREAT EXPENSE"
Bonus recruiting and grooming:
Andy Lewis at Quackometer notes that newspapers love these stories -- "plucky patient fights cancer IN OWN WAY, NEEDS OUR HELP".
It makes a good media narrative. It allows the newspapers and TV stations to present themselves as heroes in helping to raise the money.
[...] the media can be heroes both for sending this poor girl to Mexico and then bringing her home against all the odds when it has all gone horribly wrong.
Giving free advertising to the human tapeworms, collaborating with them, as well as professional courtesy, it has mutual benefits.

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Ra-di-a-tion. Yes, indeed. You hear the most outrageous lies about it. Half-baked goggle-box do-gooders telling everybody it's bad for you. Pernicious nonsense! Everybody could stand a hundred chest X-rays a year!

It was Monday morning and the sun was a bowl of soured milk in the sky so I went out and shook the stupid tree, and look what an embarrassment of riches fell out!

"You have stopped making sense," Another Kiwi complained. "When you have the riches, there is no such thing as embarrassment."

"It's a collective noun," tigris explained patiently. "Like 'a field of dreams' or 'a comedy of errors'."

1. This was the first phenomenon to emerge from the scornucopia. It has assumed the form of an academic paper but in fact has been lovingly hand-crafted from spittle and bong-hits, perhaps at a night-school arts class:
Between the pandemics and the cures for pandemics and the demographic transition to lower birthrates and longer lifespans, it is clear that the human race just can't get a break, the Depopulation Agenda is well past the reading-the-minutes-from-the-previous-meeting stage and is even now voting on a new secretary. I have to say, though, that if you seek dispassionately-described entropic-decay end-of-it-all scenarios, you are better off reading Disch or Geston.

Or listening to Van der Graaf Generator.

Close attention reveals that much the same spittle has previously been used in Galalae's earlier emanation. Also in the journal of "Epidemiology: Open Access". Perhaps the editors were of the view that this was not an example of self-plagiarism, but rather an exercise in cut-up creativity-through-rearrangement, in the manner of Burroughs and 'Dead Fingers Talk'. Or perhaps it is another display of cynical non-standards from the money-leeching low-life skeezebags at OMICS.

2. Then helpful friends of Riddled referred us to this article at NEWSWEEK, reprinted from Speculator or some similarly-titled mine of misinformation.
How the U.S. Made Dropping Radioactive Bombs Routine
By Barbara Koeppel On 4/4/16 at 11:43 AM
The author labours under the misapprehension that dioxin is "the key ingredient in Agent Orange" (rather than a trace contaminant), and that α-radiation is "20 times more damaging than the gamma radiation from nuclear weapons". Which is to say that she is too stupid to be allowed out of doors when it is raining for fear that she will drown from staring up at the clouds with mouth agape.

Her preferred authority for the toxicity of depleted uranium, and the hazards of background radiation, is one "Chris Busby, a British chemical physicist". Busby is noted for his non-linear quasi-homeopathic notion that radiation is most injurious at its lowest levels, just above the threshold of detection. He further believes that governments are covering up the cancer hot-spots by shipping reactor waste around their countries so that everyone is exposed to the radiation. You would expect this to reduce cancer, by pushing everyone's exposure up into the mid-band where radiation is at its most benign, but is anyone grateful? ARE THEY BOG-ROLL.

Busby is a veritable one-man puppy-mill of Bizarro-World Epidemiology papers, for which good homes cannot be found. Predatory publishers love him. So NEWSWEEK thought this intellectual scholium was fit to be puke-funnelled into the wider discourse. It may not have occurred to them, when they set out to target the Information-Averse Idiot readership demographic, that the competition is already tough. Still, it provides an excuse to link to a Kraftwerk video.

Riddled radar
3. Clive deCarle came onto the Riddled radar quite recently when he boarded the GcMAF scamtrain and started pimping the Rerum placebo (along with magic yogurt) through his "rareandbrave" website.

Delving into the domains, we learn that as well as Rareandbrave and the more self-explanatory "", our man also acquired a range of other domains, between them creating the impression of someone still feeling his way in the scammer profession and initially unsure which grift would be most profitable. I for one feel only regret that he never got around to fully fledging 'thesexsolution' and 'bonobohealth' into proper websites.
Sadly, his "Secret Health Club" site is in Abbey Ance for non-payment of the domain renewal fee, although nothing of value was lost, for copies remain in Google Cache at the time of writing.* It was billed as a so-exclusive subscription-only service reserved for the elite, and I can only suppose that all the suckers who were going to cough up £49, had done so, so no point sustaining it.

"" is his on-line knocking-shop putting rubbish 'supplements' in touch with the self-obsessed and gullible. It a wonder to behold, what with its Papyrus typography and wigwam / sweat-lodge / spirit-journey stylings.
I was speechless in admiration at Clive's 100% Pure Organic Elemental Suphur, "Derived from pine lignans sourced from marine pine trees". But equally impressed by his Fulvic Acid, which is basically soil. It takes a modicum of initiative to convince the mooks that they need more dirt in their diets, and that they should buy it at £30 for 50 ml. Other connoisseurs of conmanship, however, rate for the Mercola Organic Bronzing Spray.
But the UK's MHRA are not well-pleased with de Carle's business practices, and this happened:
‘Health guru’ Clive de Carle accused of selling potentially deadly autism ‘cure’ pill to desperate parents trying to help their kids
EXCLUSIVE: Quack caught out promoting lethal drug
Alas, the Sun displays an equivocal relationship towards facts. No, Rerum is not "a stronger form of unlicensed product GcMAF"; it contains no GcMAF at all. The whole selling point -- at least when signing up prospective marketers -- is that all its ingredients are biologically inert, and already approved for use in the supplement industry, i.e from a regulatory perspective Rerum is just another placebo. So it is possible, then, that the Sun's choice of description "Quack" is equally counter-factual, and probably we should stick to Clive's preferred and self-assigned title of "health guru".

Our man is also a producer of Youtube videos (who isn't?), mostly advertising his "Health revolution" brand (and Facebook page). Readers may appreciate his advice on "HOW TO SPOT A PSYCHOPATH".
* Mysterious atmospheric night-garden imagery stolen from here. According to the owners of the photograph, "Les photos proposées sont la propriété des Jardins Secrets et de Gilles Lansard. Pour les utilisez, merci de les contacter ." HA HA yeah right.

UPDATE: Missing Kraftwerk video re-inserted. Thx BBBB for reminder.
It turns out that as well as plain old Rerum OG,
Die Verbindung von Chondroitin, Ölsäure, Vitamin D3 und Vitamin D2
...those industrious German elves at Reinwald's joint have augmented their product range with Rerum Blue with Vitamin D3 removed for no extra price, still just € 529,00 per 3 ml ampoule. Because consumer choice.
Die Verbindung von Chondroitin, Ölsäure, Vitamin D2
Vorsprung durch Technik!
Thx Fiona!