Habeo igitur quod ex eum quaesisti, quid esset hopper. Non est hopper, non sunt hoppers, ut dixit: quod ego verbum agnovi. Sunt fratres minimi mei (de quibus lex non curat), numerus quorum generis late et varie diffusus est. Sunt amici, sunt fideles milites nostri qui neque nocentes sunt nec natura improbi nec furiosi nec malis domesticis impediti!

Imagine the excitement at the Old Entomologist when conversation turned to this paper at last night's meeting of the "Nocturnal Insect Vision and Table-top Clog-Dancing" discussion group:

Tobacco Harmful Biological Grasshoppers and a New Genus New Species of Yunnanitinae From Yunnan Province, China

Da zhi Dong, Yun zhen Wang, Xi yun Qin

Abstract
The present paper reported 40 species of tobacco grasshoppers, involving 1 order and 5 families. Additionally, one new genus and one new species are described from western and northwester Yunnan. That is Micropterus yongshengensis Dong et Wang sp. nov. All the specimens are deposited in the Kunming Institute of Zoology, Chinese Academy of Sciences.

Alas, Dong, Wang & Qin paid the wrong crew of skeevy grifters to disseminate their discoveries bump up their publication outputs. For the Journal of Biological Research (ISSN 2225-3203) was secreted by "ACT Publishing Group", who could teach the nocturnal Australian Plague Locust a few things about flying-by-night. Some time after December 17 2014 they switched their name to "Medical Science" and zorched all three issues of the JBR from their website as insufficiently lucrative (though they made up for it by adding a "Journal of Nephrology" to their stable).

The journal's vaporous state and the absence of editorial duties have not deterred a handful of academic logrollers and time-servers numbering their membership of its non-existent Editorial Board among their professional accomplishments.

Presumably there are also non-biological grasshoppers, but now we will never find out about them.

Belated UPDATE: Somehow I forget to mention Crosse's abiotic electrogenic acari.: