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Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Graphic designers: Getting no respect since 1575

The fuck? The client wants an illustrative woodcut showing 'Figure of a Man without arms'? What part of 'Man without Arms' do the readers not understand?!? I mean, it's not asking much to ask them to imagine a Man... and Oh, surprise, just to simplify the chore, they don't even have to imagine the arms!

This is not why I spent three years on a Diploma of Graphic Arts, then two years on the woodcut apprenticeship. Not to mention the three years in the forest before anyone told me that I needed a different kind of woodcutter.

Bugger this for a game of soldiers. I'm off to the boozer, before the client decides he wants an illustration of a monkey holding a gun.
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18 comments:

  1. WillyAugust 11, 2010 at 3:51 AM

    Not only without arms, the poor man is obviously suffering from crapulus cubis.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Smut ClydeAugust 11, 2010 at 4:49 AM

    And he is unable to remove the giant sewing-machine needle that has pierced his neck during a freak industrial accident.

    ReplyDelete
  3. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®©August 11, 2010 at 5:23 AM

    I'd like to order a woodcutting of a monkey holding a gun.
    ~

    ReplyDelete
  4. 77southAugust 11, 2010 at 5:42 AM

    this is the horror show against which the NRA has been warning us all these years. This man is completely disarmed and would be totally unable to defend himself from criminals or government oppression.

    Nesupest. Much better than nesuper.

    ReplyDelete
  5. zombie rotten mcdonaldAugust 11, 2010 at 6:14 AM

    sod all that, do you have an illustration of a gaping asshole?

    I mean, besides a picture of Glenn Beck?

    ReplyDelete
  6. tigrisAugust 11, 2010 at 7:21 AM

    Man without arms = really crappy juggler.

    ReplyDelete
  7. WillyAugust 11, 2010 at 7:48 AM

    Man without arms = really crappy juggler.

    ...or a truly amazing juggler!

    ReplyDelete
  8. fishAugust 11, 2010 at 8:29 AM

    ...or a truly amazing juggler!

    NO DETAILS!

    ReplyDelete
  9. mikeyAugust 11, 2010 at 9:48 AM

    Damn, I'm glad you pointed out the poor fellow has no arms. 'Cause I was looking at all the crap he's dropped on the floor and just had him figured for a clumsy idiot.

    But thankfully, there is a logical explanation for the mess around him...

    ReplyDelete
  10. Another KiwiAugust 11, 2010 at 12:19 PM

    This is Armless eric the newest and least popular member of The Old Entomologist bar staff. Evangeline van Holsteren says "It might stop the loonies from Riddled getting as stupid"

    ReplyDelete
  11. Smut ClydeAugust 11, 2010 at 12:33 PM

    ITTDGY is on the list.

    ReplyDelete
  12. fishAugust 11, 2010 at 12:45 PM

    Throw in a parrot and I will take one too.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Smut ClydeAugust 11, 2010 at 1:18 PM

    But where does the parrot fit in?

    ReplyDelete
  14. fishAugust 11, 2010 at 2:07 PM

    YOU ASKED ME NOT TO COMMENT ON THAT!!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Smut ClydeAugust 11, 2010 at 2:17 PM

    Triggerfish.

    ReplyDelete
  16. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®©August 11, 2010 at 7:04 PM

    I'd like to order a woodcutting of a monkey holding a gun.

    I'd like to revise my order. I wish to order a monkey holding a gun, sitting on the shoulder of Frida Kahlo, who is riding a Meese and carrying a goldfish bowl with a fish in it. (A woodcut, of course.)

    P.S. Mrs. Cat is welcome to make her appearance, as well. In the woodcut.
    ~

    ReplyDelete
  17. mikeyAugust 12, 2010 at 9:09 AM

    I'd like to revise Thunder's order.

    I'd like to order a woodcut of a monkey holding a woodcut of a monkey holding a woodcut of a monkey holding a...

    See, this would be a lovely depiction of infinity, and would allow the artist to demonstrate his skills with little tiny monkeys....

    ReplyDelete
  18. Smut ClydeAugust 12, 2010 at 6:53 PM

    This is the best our artist could do on short notice.

    ReplyDelete