Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Of Mice and coffee and booze

A new study shows that drinking coffee will not sober one up in a miraculous fashion As Seen On Teevee.
The animals were given doses of alcohol and caffeine in various combination, and their performance on the maze was compared to others who were given a neutral saline solution.
Alcohol made the animals more relaxed, but less able to avoid the unpleasant shocks.
Animals given caffeine were little better at navigating around the maze, but were more alert and uptight.
In combination alcohol and caffeine appeared to produce relatively alert, relaxed animals that were still incompetent at sidestepping nasty shocks.


The mice did ask for a bit of peace and quiet for Chrissakes. They continued to ask what a person had to do to be left a- fucking- lone

14 comments:

J— said...

Did they throw water in the mice's faces? That always works.

Substance McGravitas said...

Animals given caffeine were little better at navigating around the maze, but were more alert and uptight.

Surely there is some way to make the mice groovier.

Smut Clyde said...

The researchers had already given all their valium and THC to the spiders to see what effect it would have on web-spinning.

Smut Clyde said...

The result, by the way, is that the spiders all had bum trips and hallucinated Jennifers everywhere.

M. Bouffant said...

In combination, alcohol and caffeine appeared to produce relatively alert, relaxed animals that were still incompetent at sidestepping nasty shocks.

If they did little better than the others at avoiding shocks, I'm in favour of being relaxed but wide awake.

Surprized the ninnies at Temple didn't go w/ the accepted folk wisdom that adding coffee to a drunk results only in a wide-awake drunk.

Jennifer said...

I heard that...

Curious, did anyone put a lampshade on one of the mice and then take photos?

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

In combination alcohol and caffeine appeared to produce relatively alert, relaxed animals that were still incompetent at sidestepping nasty shocks.

You can get the same result by introducing them to an office work environment.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

What about giving the mice a full trad breakfast after the drinking binge?

fish said...

You say incompetent, I say doesn't give a shit.

Smut Clyde said...

This whole "Alcohol + Coffee + Maze + Electric shock" approach to designing a mousetrap seems unnecessarily elaborate. Is it for the Pentagon?

ckc (not kc) said...

...hey, barkeep! neutral saline, no ice!

Another Kiwi said...

Two mice walk into a bar. One says "you want saline?" the other says "Let's sea"

Another Kiwi said...

Two mice walk into a bar One says to the other "I said we had to pre-book for Mice the Musical but you rod'nt want to"

Smut Clyde said...

If they chilled out completely you get mice-blocks.