Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Medical Advice

Apparently if you wrap a venomous snake around your leg, it will keep the evil 10-legged spiders at bay.
A scorpion is also useful for deterring rabid dogs. The dog is looking at the open wound on the seated guy's other leg and thinking, "Hmmm that looks tasty." But the scorpion is saying "You think you're hard? You think you're tough enough? Come here then! Hey you, Jimmy, I'm talking to you!" And the dog is thinking "I may be mad but I'm not that mad."
I admire the ingenious way they have disguised a guillotine as the doorway out of the courtyard.

19 comments:

Another Kiwi said...

I like the way the two dudes in the background are pointing at Mr Herpetologist as though. "He done it officer"
Um, feet drawing classes were just starting up in those days eh?

Smut Clyde said...

The artist was probably more concerned with getting the botanical details right on the plants.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

I don't think that's a ten-legged spider, I think it's a late survival of a Burgess shale arthropod taxon that went extinct shortly before Linneaus went gallivanting around.

Jennifer said...

:)

Fortunately, I'm not afraid of 10-legged spiders! But, good to know. I'm also not afraid of snakes... or rabid dogs, or old German woodcuts. Woodcuts hurt, but a little aloe and I'm good to go.

verification word? lunolers. Hate 'em! I'd wrap a spider around me to keep them at bay!

mikey said...

I don't mean to be difficult, Herr Smut, but being as how you ARE the docent in this museum of nauseum, I have to ask you to provide an annotated version.

You see, no matter how I rotate, zoom, gaze, squint or otherwise view this woodcut, I can't find a way to see less than three legs on knifeboy.

There the leg with the open, suppurating wound, it's traditional counterpart next to it with no shoe and an unfortunate congenital defect, and the paler leg knifeboy is using to attempt to kick ol' He Did It in the sackage.

Clearly, ol' He Did It was ready for the oldest move in courtyard scraps and dropped the venomous snake on knifeboy's third leg.

EINC is a local idiot (you can tell by the man-purse) who thinks it's a rubber snake and is therefore poking at it with great abandon.

So anyway, you could see fit to provide annotation, perhaps with leg numbers and labels so I might be able to discern knifeboy's anatomical construction I'd be very appreciative.

Thanks in advance for your attention to this matter...

Another Kiwi said...

Is this the first recorded instant of a Snake Oil Salesman.
Also left hand "He dunnit" guy seems to holding a bicycle chain. What sort of medical service is this?

Jennifer said...

And, I could be wrong, I was at an evening function and had cocktails, but doesn't that spider/tick hybrid have 11 legs?? Would 11 legs get better mileage than an 8-legged, 10-legged whatever it is?

I think my fear decreases with each additional leg... Not sure that's good...

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

EEP! Here's some Serious Nightmare Fuel!

WV- porshfus: an argument with the parking valet

Another Kiwi said...

Ooooh 4B that's nasty! There was some speculation that we had bird eating spiders in NZ, but thankfully I haven't heard of any sightings. Maybe they eat anyone that finds them.

Smut Clyde said...

doesn't that spider/tick hybrid have 11 legs??
One of the 'legs' is actually a feeding proboscis like Opabinia. But don't get me started on Burgess-shale anthropod fauna or I'll get sidetracked on how Walcott originally mistook fossilised mouthparts from Anomalocaris as slices of salted pineapple, and then it's all the Explaining Voice and SHUT UP SMUT.

it's traditional counterpart next to it with no shoe
He's halfway through taking his trousers off. IN PUBLIC. And judging from the knife in his hand and the gashes in his knee, he's a bit of a cutter as well. Bloody emo kids. No wonder the herpetologist's left-hand assistant is expecting some argument before the agreed-upon consultation fee is paid, and is wrapping the cycle chain around his hand in anticipation.

Smut Clyde said...

Did I mention my lack of sympathy for cutters?

Jennifer said...

But don't get me started on Burgess-shale anthropod fauna or I'll get sidetracked on how Walcott originally mistook fossilised mouthparts from Anomalocaris as slices of salted pineapple, and then it's all the Explaining Voice

Oh!!! Pleeeeeeeze!!!!

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

There was some speculation that we had bird eating spiders in NZ, but thankfully I haven't heard of any sightings.

It's a golden orb weaver. They get pretty big, but also that's a pretty small bird, and such as.

The silk is so strong that it can trap small birds, which the spider doesn't eat. So keep this under your hat, and ignore those youtubes.

Bird eating spiders live in South America.
~

Another Kiwi said...

Oh sure, ignore youtube. That's just what they want you to do.
JOIN THE DISCOURSE!

merc said...

Smut, as you know I am a fallen Daemon...however i am now appointing you as my go-to-Smut on everything.
Say nothing to anyone, I will be in touch, oh I will be in touch.

werth, what is thing called werth?

Smut Clyde said...

There was some speculation that we had bird eating spiders in NZ

Hence the extinction of the moas and the Haast Eagle.

fish said...

I think the scorpion is just looking for a ride across the river.

Another Kiwi said...

Annde nowe a messagge fromm our Sponsoorre:
Hadd anne attack from The Vikings ore sundry otherre Varllets? Comme to The Three Wysse Menn Medical Centerre.
Full raynge of Treatments: Snaykes, Skorpyannes,Raybyd Dogges aynd Chayn whippings.
Nice Potte plantte in medycal rume. Mindde the doore!!!
We'll see ye ryghtte!!

Smut Clyde said...

Are we not all, in a sense, just looking for a ride across the river?
I don't know about Heraclitus but I don't want to step into the same river even once.