Sunday, April 18, 2010

The passing parade

So, Smut said, "What is the "Riddled' position on global warming?"
And I said "You can read it all under the Category "Anti-global warming fuckheads"
"Righto" he says "but what does the world think?"
"Nothing" I said "Only about 7 people read this blog and two of them are you and I"
"A parade would be good" he said "Through the town, putting our credentials on the line, as it were"
"See" I said "People will make jokes about that. Also, my contract, which you can't see, specifically states No Parades"
"Oh no" he says "We can get the barmaids from the Old Entomologists to be in the parade. We can be parade marshals"
"Probably we won't be able to shoot anyone' I said.
"We can take names onna clipboard" he said.
We swooned at the mention of a clipboard.
"I will wear a lab coat" I said.
"I will bring a whistle" said Smut.
Evangaline Van Holsteren, head barmaid did not want to be in the parade "It sucks and you are loonies" she vouchsafed in an extremely judgmental and self esteem flattening way.
"There are monies available" I opined to her and after I could move my fingers and feel my legs again she agreed to go in the parade with some of the others.
"You are still loonies" she said.

17 comments:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Evangaline Van Holsteren, head barmaid did not want to be in the parade...

Up until now, I've believed everything written on this here weblog.
~

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I HAVE TWO CLIPBOARDS.

M. Bouffant said...

I HAVE TWO CLIPBOARDS.

So do I, & not worth shouting about, except that ONE IS LEGAL SIZED & ONE IS LETTER-SIZED! All bases covered!

But still not as cool as one of these w/ the storage.

M. Bouffant said...

Nice little chart of the results of evolution there, by the way.

Smut Clyde said...

I HAVE A STAPLER.

Smut Clyde said...

The research director of Nocebo Pharmaceuticals told protestors that he was "mortified" and "distressed" by claims that Flammaria, Nocebo's best-selling product for restless-knee syndrome, was associated with a rare birth defect.

merc said...

My Dad's got a garage and he said we can use it as a hut.

Substance McGravitas said...

I HAVE A STAPLER.

Me too.

J— said...

So who's the bearded dude with the vorpal sword? Another Kiwi, Smut Clyde? Brett?

Substance McGravitas said...

He is holding a glowing potato.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Geddy Lee.

mikey said...

You might suggest to the Barmaids that regular use of a shampoo containing a mild fungicide such as Zinc pyrithione will reduce the growth of - well - growth on their respective and assorted heads. Hey, just trying to be helpful here - some things only your friends will tell you.

I do find myself curious about why someone might be unable to see Kiwi's contract. Is it written in invisible ink on clear food-grade plastic wrap? Is it encoded on elaborately carved sticks? Is it sung as an epic poem, in a strictly verbal tradition going back to the contract of Kiwi's great-great-great-great grandfather? Inquiring minds and like that...

mikey said...

On another topic altogether, did our patron saint of smut and akavit get a chance to sample the Locust Pizza?

tigris said...

I have a clear plastic clipboard, the vinyl whore shoe of the clipboard world. I also have my own personal lab coat and safety glasses, and furthermore am willing to have a tree grafted to my noggin as long as the species is my choice.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

M BOUFFANT STOLED MY CLIPBORZ.

Smut Clyde said...

I am willing to have a tree grafted to my noggin as long as the species is my choice.
Mistletoe? Strange orchids? A Venus fly-trap?

Mildura's a wee bit inland from Melbourne so I missed the locust-pizza deal. B^4 would be onto that like [insert entomophagic metaphor here].

Another Kiwi said...

Strange fruit