Domesticity

What with the "Riddled" Lear jet being in the garage again and Mikey losing the keys to the time machine ( he will soon) one has been thrown upon ones domestic resources lately. Several themes have emerged
1. We have an unkind spirit presence in our garage
2. It is not Mrs. cat
This is what happened;
The people that used to own our property were obsessed by Camellia trees. Why you might well ask? Well it was probably the only type of tree allowed in NZ in those far off days of the 1970's. But since they went to the shop that time, and we nipped in and changed the locks and mined the front yard, we have grown tired of the Camellias and their two weeks of bright pink flowers each year that then go brown and attract Betel Nut Monkeys (completely untrainable for butlering). So we have cut them down ha ha. This has left tree stumps which, as luck would have it, are where we wish to grow apples whose name may be something to do with witchery, I'm just saying don't eat the apples at midnight.
A trowel which we used for digging around the stumps proved in a dishandling manner to be unequal to the task but, learning from our misfortune, we saw that the handle was had been affixed with a cunning arrangement of rivets.
We borrowed an axe which was entirely used for cutting of roots and hacked away. In the middle of one series of frenzied blows, at the roots, the concrete fence and some wildlife which was passing, the axe handle broke off just below the head. A quick trip to the hardware MEGASTORE resulted in the purchase of a new handle after the requisite smirking at Mr Schmuck who don't know his 21 and 4/8ths axe handle from his 6 and 7/8ths one, Ho Ho.
But one has to remove the old axe handle and this is difficult. I thought that drilling holes might allow this and got out the old hand drill which did, indeed, help me drill two holes which may or may not have helped loosen the handle remnant. Just before the drill handle broke off. It seems that drill factories employ cunning riveters as well as trowel factories.
Then, loosened by the thumping on the axe head remnant, the little screw thing on the end of the vise handle unscrewed and the vise handle fell off.
Never mind the tree stumps were out and the axe was whole again although in a somewhat loose fashion which may require rivetting.
But then, to cooking where my years of teaching at the House o' Riddley Narwhal, Racoon and Bacon Fritters Institute is put to good use. One has to peel potatoes, of course, and this is rendered easy by such modern appliances as a peeler, whose blade does not come off. Without a blade, a modern day peeler is worse than useless and there is no hope of effecting repairs.
Then when one is making egg coating before breading Weiner Schnitzel it is helpful if the end of the black pepper grinder does not fall off and into the egg mixture along with about 4 tablespoons of whole black peppercorns. Forensic examination of the grinder has revealed a failure of the O-ring that keeps the peppercorns out of the channel bit where the handle seats into the body of the grinder.
Never mind, we soldiered on, schnitzel was consumed although kiwilets commented on the breadcrumbs being "A BIT HOT".
Look for us on "New Zealand's Most Haunted...Sheds" soon