Saturday, May 1, 2010

Knowing our luck it will make olive oil

In surprise move today, The New Zild government announced that exploratory mining operations in Whangaehu National park (not it's real name) had revealed significant finds of vegetables. The photograph shows the cores of parent rock that were found, in the words of Gerry Brownlee the Minister for Wanton Destruction Mining, "quite close to the surface so that they haven't had time to turn into coal yet." 
Minister Brownlee further explained that people were finding fossils all the time and this meant that there would be oil in the parks. "Besides" he added " it's just a bunch of old trees" and that "Miners are the real conservationists".
Minister Brownlee further said that New Zild is dependent on finding it's own minerals and oil since they were not lucky like people in America who had oil washing ashore on their beaches.

23 comments:

mikey said...

Couldn't help but notice the strikethrough. Might this be an indication that the actual position of Minister of Wanton Destruction is open?

Because I gotta tell ya, I'm having a lot of trouble finding openings I'm qualified to fill...

I think Captcha is trying to apologize whilst speaking in tongues: sollyzat

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

There's a lagomorph in the aspic!
~

M. Bouffant said...

Sweet Blood Of Jesus, that has to be one of the top three disgusting things on the internazz ever.

Worse than seeing sausage made.

Substance McGravitas said...

I have seen THE CORE and this is no THE CORE.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Couldn't NZ gain energy independence by pressing oil out of kakapos?

merc said...

I have confidently placed all my future in Paua oil.

exple, dead people.

Smut Clyde said...

The paua and the glory, indeed.

J— said...

Kiwi P'tcha! AKA fisnogen.

fish said...

Head cheese for vegans.

Substance McGravitas said...

Are vegans allowed to eat roadkill?

Smut Clyde said...

Head cheese for vegans.
A new use for the Brain jelly-mold!

tigris said...

Are vegans allowed to eat roadkill?

Wait, there's a regulatory apparatus?

fish said...

Wait, there's a regulatory apparatus?

Of course there is.

ckc (not kc) said...

Of course there is.

I haven't checked, but I imagine it doesn't specify who IS allowed to eat roadkill. Not that this affects me one way or the other.

Smut Clyde said...

Of course there is.

No honey?!
The chart is maddeningly silent on the status of Civet-poop coffee.

mikey said...

After carefully studying the two supplied charts, it appears that the question of road kill is insufficient to provide a definitive answer. It appears that we would also need to know WHAT was killed.

And then, when considering the civit poop coffee, we get to a further question, as to which individual PARTS of WHAT was killed on the road may be eaten. If the civit poop is compliant, can one make the assumption that ALL poop is compliant? But bear poop used to be raccoon, which was clearly not authorized, so even with poop we must ask the question "what was it before it was poop?"

As an odd coincidence, I'm having fried road-kill chick peas in Pita with tahini and hummus tonight. Vegan tested, vegan approved...

ckc (not kc) said...

...what was it before it was poop

You're trying to trick us into talking about politics!

Smut Clyde said...

"what was it before it was poop?"
In the case of the civet poop, it had previously been (and remains) coffee beans. But the vegan regulations rule out honey, i.e. flower nectar that has been swallowed by a bee and then regurgitated, possibly because the bees are BEING EXPLOITED. Is it the absence of informed consent, or the fact of being briefly inside an animal, that turns a plant product into non-kosher for vegans?

Obviously this is an IMPORTANT ISSUE. Drugs like kava -- where the traditional preparation consists of pre-chewing it for your enjoyment -- might be ruled out.

ckc (not kc) said...

O.M.G.!!!!

I've just discovered...

The Life of a Lac

...Usually the young lacs are given the opportunity to escape to a new home before the branches are harvested but some will inevitably remain and therefore be scooped up and killed during harvesting.

I don't think I'll sleep much tonight, I tell you.

Smut Clyde said...

More bad news about the scale insect holocaust.
(See also 'crimson', 'polish cochineal').

ckc (not kc) said...

... and Bambi is collateral damage

Smut Clyde said...

I am surprised that the Disney Corporation have not taken down that image, as an infringement of their Mickey Mouse copyright.

Another Kiwi said...

They can't be bothered with Deer tails, they are big picture guys.
The veal is here all week.