Monday, July 19, 2010

Wrongly-directed blame

Bad news, your Infallibility. The lacrosse match between the Apostolic Nunciatures and the Iroquois Nationals is off -- the other team have cancelled.

By Mary's bouncing boobies, this is nothing short of sacrilege! I declare anathema upon those reneguing redskins! To Hell with them, or at least to that intermediate postmortem spiritual state which is no longer recognised by current theology!
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Of course it wasn't the Iroquois team's fault at all, but you try arguing with the Pope when he's pissed. Until he calms down and someone changes his mind,

Iroquois Nationals Lacrosse Team Hangs In Limbo.

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The syndicated press statements I could find on the Interlattice tend to blame the British government for not accepting the Iroquois passports.

As of a week ago, the US authorities were saying "These are not legitimate passports with the Anti-Terrorist Seal of Approval, and if you let them into your country then we won't let them back into the US afterwards," while the Brits meekly followed along. Then the US authorities were all "No, no, these are nice people and we do recognise their paperwork after all; ignore all the personal-identification hoops we've been expecting the world to jump through for the last umpteen years," but the Brits failed to change course fast enough, so they're the anti-sport culprits in the current narrative.

11 comments:

Von said...

"by Mary's bouncing boobies"
Can I borrow that?

merc said...

They have no oil?

Smut Clyde said...

Let's pretend that this post was written by a more awake person, and therefore contains more off-side and ball-in-their-court sports imagery.

ckc (not kc) said...

...why are these guys always ordering two of something?

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

The Pope's made because the Iroquois originally played the game with martyred missionaries' croziers.

mikey said...

Huh. Always figured Mary for the prototypical nun. Little boobs, pursed lips, angry eyes, coarse, severely cropped hair in a utilitarian bun and sensible shoes.

Clearly Jesus had woman issues, from his Madonna/Whore complex to that weird push me/pull you relationship with Mary Magdalene. And don't even think you can tell my him and the Disciples didn't play some variation of "Polish the Sword" some of those long nights. And to be honest? I don't even WANT to hear from the donkey...

merc said...

Your Mother is a virgin and She was impregnated by a ghost via Her ear (She gets caps sorry, God).
And your Dad is not only omnipresent, he makes a pact with Satan (see Job) he also sends you to your death without ever splainin' why.
Shortly thereafter you are risin' up and have to play 3 way with Dad and a ghost, until 1955 Mum is absent without leave...aw Hell, need I go on?
Oh and Dad wants to be praised all the time, that's ALL THE TIME, ok?

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

American Insanely Bloated and Ineffective Anti-Terrorist Bureaucracy to English Moderately-Less-Bloated and Somewhat-More-Effective Anti-Terrorist Bureaucracy:

PSYCHE!

Kathleen said...

which team did Pulpo Paul pick?

Another Kiwi said...

Octopopey chooses Uruguay!!!

merc said...

Thou shalt not venerate octoidols!

cously; dishy