Thursday, July 22, 2010

Dancing on Stilts

"I hate modern dance," I said.

"The main purpose of modern dance," Another Kiwi vouchsafed, "is to make the classical ballet seem interesting and less of a waste of space in comparison."

"No really," said tigris, "this is different. The costumes make all the difference; they submerge the assertive individuality of the dancers. It is all about the costumes. Think of Oskar Schlemmer's designs for the Triadic Ballet! Rise above the urge to self-expression!"

"I feel like a theme-park roller-coaster," said Another Kiwi.

"Exactly!" said tigris. "Remember, this is a dance recreation of a theme-park version of the Divine Comedy, so for Act 1 you are the 'Going to Hell in a Handbasket' ride. Try to move so as to express the different levels of damnation."

On the right, I am apparently dressed to convey a sense of the money-bag burdens in the Fourth Circle, but I have to say that the suit binds under the armpits and rides up my crack something fierce. I so hope that Acts 2 and 3 involve fewer costume changes.

So tigris showed us some pictures of Schlemmer's "Dance of the Liquorice All-sorts" so that we would realise how much worse-off we could be.

23 comments:

fish said...

I loved the Necco Wafer interlude. Or was it quaalude?

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Can't fool me. It's photos from the Peter Gabriel days of Genesis.

I believe the second one was the appearance on Belgium "Dancing With The Starfs"?

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Although Phil Collins skirt is wonderful, it is sad to see that they only drew one fan.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Also, lacking a "B.O.C. lyrics tag, yet again.

Seriously, are you hiring BP quality control engineers?

tigris said...

To be perfectly honest and above-board, I just thought the costumes would look really hot on you two.

Smut Clyde said...

Also, lacking a "B.O.C. lyrics tag, yet again.

Like your omission of the quotation marks, that was a deliferate misteak to see who was paying attention.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

well played, you bastard.

Martini?

Another Kiwi said...

I'm just saying that the Liquorice Allsorts costume did not in any way make me feel hawt. Also Mrs Cat peed on it.

Substance McGravitas said...

Hey assholes, Oskar Schlemmer was an INSPIRATION.

tigris said...

sharing time

Another Kiwi said...

I think you'll find that that ballet is un-American, young tigris.
There is not one good song in it.

Smut Clyde said...

Tigris misspelled "Shearing time", the controversial new production from the NZ Ballet Corps.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Tigris didn't want the lambs getting upset.
~

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

tigris is on the lamb, but she ain't no sheep, thundra.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

ZRM bleats, and all I hear is some zombie sheep going "BAAAAAAAAARAINS!"
~

mikey said...

Yeah, well, Bahrain is nice, but c'mon, Dubai is INSANE!!

Another kiwi said...

Is the rain in Bahrain still mainly on the plains?

Smut Clyde said...

I have been informed that 'entrechat' does not actually mean "Enter the Cat", which robs me of my only ballet joke.

I console myself with a mental image of the NZ Ballet Corps dancing Allegro moderato to the tune of "Dirty Deeds Done with Sheep".

tigris said...

It means "between cats" and consists back-arching, hissing(French) or spitting(Russian), and scratching. There are different configurations depending on the number of cats required by a particular variation.

mikey said...

Cripes.

It sounds like hand to hand inside the perimeter.

Or marriage.

One or the other...

Another Kiwi said...

I want a secret Ballet on this!! One person one vote!!!

Smut Clyde said...

I foresee a great future for the classical ballet if they merge with the World Wrestling Federation.

AK and I could wear the same costumes, too.

tigris said...

I console myself with a mental image of the NZ Ballet Corps dancing Allegro moderato to the tune of "Dirty Deeds Done with Sheep".

Heavily featuring the pas de mouton, in which the larger dancer repeatedly helps the smaller, fuzzier one over the barre.