Friday, July 30, 2010

Does it work on Brussels Sprouts?

Why was I not previously apprised of the Hydrodyne Process?
  1. Meat goes into a water-filled steel tank at one end;
  2. Explosive charge goes in at other end;
  3. Explosion!!! with shockwave;
  4. Tenderised meat.
I would certainly eat at a restaurant where you get to choose the cut of steak yourself and then press the detonator. Also it sounds perfect for mikey's barbecue preparations (or just as an excuse for playing with explosives). John Lord the inventor is "retired from the Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory". Say no more!

Disappointingly, food industry attention seems to focus on
(a) whether or not the shockwaves and munging of cellular microstructure will destroy pathogenic bacteria on the meat (allowing less hygiene in the slaughterhouse while keeping food poisoning outbreaks at an acceptable level); and
(b) whether Hydrodyned meat will retain 40% more marinade -- that is, 14% of the shelf-weight of the product can be injected water rather than 10% as now.

Also chiz, the current version uses a capacitor discharge rather than explosives.


TruculentandUnreliable said...

Um, that is awesome.

Substance McGravitas said...

Absent detonation there's a disturbingly large amount of garborators on legs who would crack a cow in the forehead with a sledgehammer at mealtimes whether said cow was being served or not.

ckc (not kc) said...

Eleven of twelve loins responded positively to shock wave tenderization.

...hmmm, yes ... (excuse me while I cross my legs)

Another Kiwi said...

Presumably one major problem is the difficulty of explosive devices inside food production areas and cross contamination effects. Could the animals be fed some sort of explosive pellet just before slaughter and then have that detonated on the way along the slaughter chain? I worked in a meat processing plant during my university holidays and can attest that many of the workers would have found explosives in the workplace to be a major enrichment of their lives.

Another Kiwi said...

I seem to recall that Bimler Laboratories have don some work on the effects of explosives on potatoes? Were the Freedom Fries any more tender?

Another Kiwi said...

Don, don, don, done!

Smut Clyde said...

Sadly, the Freedom Fries became Self-Determination Mash.

Another Kiwi said...

Better than the Monster Mash, which might attract the Zombies. Not that that is a bad thing, necessarily. They might be vegetarian Zombies.

merc said...

Anything 'plodin' is good.

howrisa, chinatown bad guy.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Despite the positive results on meat tenderization, the technology could not be made into a commercially viable system.

This fills me with an ineffable sadness.

Maybe they could drop the cuts of meat from a height, or run over them with a motor vehicle.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

BBBB, your ideas have merit.

tigris said...

Have they tried it on eggs? I could then order them eggsploded instead of scrambled.

Capcha = flare. Really.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

As seems to be the case so often, Riddled Laboratories seems to be lagging behind M5.

mikey said...

One of the hard-and-fast rules I tend to try to hew closely to is the "Who's Shit Is It" rule.

See, I like blowing shit up. A lot. But I found long ago that, after the immediate, visceral joy, if it my own shit that I blew up I'd be sad. If it was other people's shit, the joy would remain long after the explosion had echoed it's last and the sour PETN smell had drifted away.

So I'm not gonna blow up MY meat. But if you guys are planning a BBQ anytime soon, I've got 75 feet of Primacord, a couple pounds of black powder, a five gallon plastic jug of potassium perchlorate and a quarter kilo of some latin american Semtex knockoff.

Let's eat!

Smut Clyde said...

lagging behind M5

I have not caught up with the 5th series.
There appears to be a general theme of 'explosions'.