Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Gavin M. tribute post

Back in July 2009, Tom Cronin gave a talk about stomatopod crustaceans (also known as the Holy Roman Empire mantis shrimp because they are neither mantids nor shrimps).* They are weird alien life-forms and we need more science-fiction movies called Stomatopod!! Think of incredibly complex eyes that analyse light spectra in far more detail than any terrestrial purpose could require, attached to killer cyborg bodies, fortunately less than a foot long. Usually.

Some verbatim quotes from Cronin:
"The most ridiculous colour vision system ever to evolve."

"[They are] vicious, violent and vindictive... during the Bush years I thought that the country was being run by stomatopods."

"They are more like Martians that pass among us and kill things."
Did I mention that they have invented the wheel?

* Also they taste more like lobster than shrimp.

21 comments:

merc said...

But nothing died in your storee.

Substance McGravitas said...

"They are more like Martians that pass among us and kill things."

Now that I think of it, there was one sucking the brain out of the cafeteria lady this morning. I was going to ask about it but she kept pouring the coffee, so don't interrupt when a good thing is going on, right?

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

We used to get them in our fish bait (aka live shrimps) some time back in the day (i.e. back when I used to visit the beach...sniff!)

I know, I know...why are you fishing when you got a bunch of shrimp...
~

Another Kiwi said...

I bet they taste like chicken

Capcha wants to know, whodis?

Smut Clyde said...

Retitled.

merc said...

I see what you did there and you ITTDGY get thee to the beach, now, now.
Them bugly crawlers would make narce gumboo.

wv, tempts me with cheap tummy muscles.

tigris said...

Do wheel linky people doubt the reality of HOOP SNAKES?!! But my grammaw SAW one once! Also a coach whip snake whipping somebody.

merc said...

Tigris, snakes are implacable, my son and i have discussed at great length the impossible cunning of the flying venomous tree snake that can prey on it's victims from above.
What fiercesome symmetry this?

mikey said...

I'd vouchsafe they can't gnaw through a surfboard in anything close to real time, so fuck 'em, sez I

merc said...

My latest board is EPS, I sold all the PU ones and went shorter. Samoan baggage handlers did however manage to penetrate the surface layer.
Sea snakes can't wrap their no lips mouth round anything bigger than a toe, the other bitties i have seen outer reef can however. This trip the reef caused blood, not mine though...there is some joy in knowing that the other fella is bleeding off the reef into the channel, unless as in this case it is your partner. She had the presence of mind to stay out for the whole 2.5 hour session, bleeding quietly, me unaware.
My awe was squared.
Then I saw her scrub the wounds then pour rubbing alcohol into them...reef tattoos we call them, now she has them.

mikey said...

Of course, if you haven't got rubbing alcohol, and you're not willing to spill the Sailor Jerry's because one of the boyz is caterwauling, there's always pee.

Um.

Or so I've heard from old timey antipodean surfer doods...

mikey said...

Linguine with Stomatopod and broccoli.

Yum!

Smut Clyde said...

What, no cilantro?

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Or Brussels sprouts?
~

77south said...

I was surfing in Byron Bay a decade ago when I forgot all the advice anyone had ever given me, and popped to the surface right after falling off my board. I was immediately smashed in the face by the fin of my board. I crawled on top of my board until I stopped seeing stars. In the back of my head, I tried to figure out why my situation was non optimal. Then it hit me. I was bleeding in the water, on the site where several years prior, there had been a fatal shark attack. I went in as fast as I could, following that realization.
So I am not brave enough to stay in the water when I am bleeding.

merc said...

Never pee in the sea, platelets in the blood and all, bities smell em from a mile away, apparently, at least that's what i tell grommets when i just told them to pee in their wetsuit...old age and cunning...
Funny thing was she asked if I was taking a medical kit on the trip, I said no because that would be kinda against my superstition, hence the borrowed alcohol. Still if you get a reef cut you gotta scrub out all the coral polyps, or they get all friendly and grow in you, that and staph infection...still all this pales beside the devastation we saw from the tsunami.
One village had about 3 minutes warning, then everyone got swept out to sea and over the reef.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

I know, I know...why are you fishing when you got a bunch of shrimp...

Sometimes you're thinking of a bunch of shrimp, and somebody'll say "bunch" or "shrimp".

mikey said...

Or even "of"...

Another Kiwi said...

Ahem, I believe todays Chocolate Fish prize goes to Mr. A. Kiwi as he has tracked down the source of BBBB quote to be the outstanding "Repo Man"
Ordinary Folks, I hate'em

Smut Clyde said...

Which is at least a change from talking about surfboards.

Honestly, we slave over a hot keyboard for hours to put together posts full of goodness and esoteric information, and all anyone wants to talk about is surfing anecdotes.

merc said...

Surf is life.