Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Those that at a distance resemble files flies

Typical. Here at stately Riddled manor, the Archives Curator has been headhunted by the Martial Rose Library. Now we can't find a bloody thing in the Disturbing Imagery Collection until we work out the ins and outs of the indexing system:

1. Those whose forms are based upon, have some relation to, or suggest the geometrical conception of points, lines or angles
2. Those which resemble or derive their name from some heavenly body or from one of the Aristotelian elements
3. Those which take their name from something in the sky
4. Those which are named after inanimate terrestrial objects
5. Those which bear a resemblance to certain artificial things
6. Things made artificially out of metals, stones, or gems
7. Those which resemble plants or herbs
8. Those which have the form of shrubs
9. Those which resemble trees or portions of trees
10. Corals
11. Other sea plants which have a stony nature
12. Those which have some resemblance to men or to four-footed animals, or are found within these
13. Stones which derive their names from birds
14. Those which have a resemblance to things which live in the sea
15. Those which resemble insects or serpents

We have not had much luck with curators. The previous one went mad from exposure to too much arcane information, and the one before that had to be let go after developing an unsuitable relationship with the entomology collection.

The list of Riddled curators can be divided into
(a) government employees,
(b) tenured faculty,
(c) LIS graduates,
(d) freshmen,
(e) the transgendered,
(f) Mac users,
(g) laid-off dotcommers,
(h) programmers who write recursive code,
(i) those on their fourth espresso of the day,
(j) webloggers,
(k) those using XML with a valid DTD,
(l) et cetera, and so on, und so weiter,
(m) Microsoft users,
(n) geeks.

UPDATED: I have just discovered a filing cabinet containing "Left-over takeaway foods", filed by cuisine ethnicity.
It is a regular Library of Kebabel.

11 comments:

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

I always thought you used the Screwy Decimal System.

merc said...

Good post and lists despite the fact that you have excluded LSD users quite preemptively.

Smut Clyde said...

There was one vote for the Dewey System, one for the Louie system and two votes for the Uncle Scrooge system, but then the Library of Congress was mentioned which triggered a lot of TMI reminiscing about how people had spent time in the Stacks when they should have been studying.

merc said...

You see there, there is the problem, you cannot combine lists with reminiscing (yes I spell checked that), and wordverf agrees with dedlyst and I am finding it hard to even make my didiculous (did not spell check because it is such a cool word i made there) arguments make any connection to reality...my inner meds say your post has triggered some unlatency in my recursive arguments departments.

Another Kiwi said...

I always like going down there to watch those little guys and their ladders and such. They don't like it if you throw bits of breadroll at them, which is not very sporting.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

10 GOSUB 20
20 RETURN
30 END
~

mikey said...

It's so dreamy
Oh, fantasy, free me!
So you can't see me
No, not at all.
In another dimension
With voyeuristic intention,
Well secluded, I see all.

Smut Clyde said...

10 GOSUB 20

Mr McGravitas hardly needs the encouragement.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

16. Items mentioned in Blue Oyster Cult lyrics.

Substance McGravitas said...

Library of Kebabel

SMUT IS BANNED.

Whale Chowder said...

You'll be hearing soon from John Hodgman's lawyers.

Also, I thought your archivist was an upright-walking gorilla.