Wednesday, March 2, 2011

My big hands, keep my big hand to myself

There is a reason why people stopped playing authentic Baroque bowls with the 15-kg balls made from carved trichobezoars and changed to the modern bowling balls instead. It's the same as why people play Mozart and Haydn symphonies on modern instruments instead of authentic Baroque krummhorns and theorbos and violas da gamba*... the old instruments were a load of pants.

But you try arguing with the revivalists and purists. In particular, try arguing with Another Kiwi when he's all "Let's have a night of Baroque Bowls at the Old Entomologist to raise money for the Christchurch Earthquake Fund!"

The idea is to roll the bowls into the giant beehive naturally labelled B, which is also known as a Ni-Hill and mentioned in many bowling songs. A rat with a big-smile emoticon is guarding the entrance. But here I am with both hands firmly wedged, and hello, will no-one help the widow's son? A pint of beer to the lips would be nice. No, everyone is either juggling balls and 'E's in the background, or joining a rousing chorus of 'Nihill'.

Tiny Tim is sewing threads through the cards again. Do not accept his invitation to a "friendly game" of canasta.

* Da Gamba was a man of honour in the Venetian lutenist mafia around 1680, one of the original "Gentlemen of Verona", notorious for causing his enemies' bowels to sound like an harp for Moab and their inward parts for Kirharesh.

16 comments:

Substance McGravitas said...

Ha ha, the puppy just F'd.

Smut Clyde said...

I would light a match M but MY HANDS ARE STUCK.

fish said...

Alternate title:

How to neuter an elephant.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Nihil, Nihil
Nihil, Nihil
NIHIL!
~

vacuumslayer said...

Um. It looks like that guy took the balls from the stubby penis in the back. This drawing is troubling in so many ways. Besides, I have no interest in listening to music that doesn't have a significant role for the kazoo and the triangle. *disdainful sniff*

Security word is "noods." Ha! Blogger spam filter is so STOOPID! It doesn't even know how to spell "newd."

mikey said...

Rat (D) leaves Yurt (B) to bite the young Rush Limbaugh (C) causing Dog (F) to drop dead gopher.

Dead gopher frightens Nihil, causing Round - Handed Dandy (A) to curse loudly, at which point Nihil (the other one) throws his beer at computer user.

tigris said...

It's the same as why people play Mozart and Haydn symphonies on modern instruments instead of authentic Baroque krummhorns and theorbos and violas da gamba*... the old instruments were a load of pants.

Well, yes, pants and the small detail that Haydn and Mozart were Classical, not Baroque, and Classical period instruments are much closer to modern versions. Mostly the pants, though.

fish said...

Well, yes, pants and the small detail that Haydn and Mozart were Classical, not Baroque, and Classical period instruments are much closer to modern versions. Mostly the pants, though.

Yeah, well sure, if you don't have a time machine.

Another Kiwi said...

It's a zen-like lesson but one must let go of the potato chips to enable one to get ones hands out of the bowl. Thus we are encouraged to eat the chips ONE AT A FECKIN' TIME!!!

vacuumslayer said...

eat the chips ONE AT A FECKIN' TIME!!!

Make me.

No, seriously, I always eat chips one of at a time. Fries, notsomuch. Not I.

Dragon-King Wangchuck said...

Well it's not Mozart or Haydn, but I gots your Da Gambas right here.

tigris said...

PANTS

Smut Clyde said...

I was expecting musical trousers when I followed tigris' link.

tigris said...

Did you really or are you pulling my gamba?

Dubious P said...

Well it ain't my fault, some things are sticking out.

Larkspur said...

Side by side, get stupid in the dark?

Sure.

Come, come on in.