Friday, April 8, 2011

Smokeware

We would like to reassure our customers that sword-related malfunctions in the Riddled Coalbot are rare events. The Operating Manual states clearly that the Coalbot must be fueled with anthracite to keep the dual-core processor at correct operating temperature. Charcoal is not an adequate substitute.

Ignore the rumours put about by rival manufacturers of inferior coalbots. This rare and hardly-ever-fatal malfunction is not a software fault with incorrectly instantiated objects causing the random ejection of variables 'A' and 'B'. Do not buy from Substance Laboratories.

11 comments:

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

considering that it appears the Kocksuckers will be successful in taking over my state, and then the entire country, what will you charge me to live in one of your delightful woodcut lands? Preferably one of the BOC lyrics related ones.


Yes, I am very depressed about this.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I am able to design lovely abodes and also repair the urban planning mistakes perpetrated by that jerkwad Wright acolyte.

His wife did really lovely renderings though.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Also, she was a quite talented architect in her own right, relegated to a subsidiary role due to her gender in a highly misogynistic culture.

In fact, some scholars say she was the one responsible for the best of Griffin's work.

He probably had a big dick.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Fuck, did I really post that? I apologize to all our female readers.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

So that's how the smoking jacket was invented.
~

Smut Clyde said...

repair the urban planning mistakes perpetrated by that jerkwad Wright acolyte.

You're gonna nuke Canberra?
I don't think Griffin built anything in NZ. We have our own home-grown architectural incompetents.

Substance McGravitas said...

Do not buy from Substance Laboratories.

I'll have you know that OUR coalbots have the most eye-catching and arresting coal intakes available.

Another Kiwi said...

I feel that a blanket approach to Substance laboratories would rob a certain class of people of a chance to own an inferior yet strangely charming mechanical appliance. Plus, there's a lotta lignite in the world

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

I'll have you know that OUR coalbots have the most eye-catching and arresting coal intakes available.

As a customer testimonial, I can say with confidence that the Substance Industries coalbots open their own coal scuttles.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Shouldn't the City On A Hill get a letter?
~

Smut Clyde said...

Notice how the coalbot goes into the default Cats Cradle position when it powers down for lack of fuel. SAFETY FEATURE.

Must credit Harry Harrison for the coalbots in "Stainless Steel Rat".

Shouldn't the City On A Hill get a letter?

It was designed by Walter Burley Griffin who did not believe in letters.