Friday, June 17, 2011

Turdus: Not the name of a vehicle for traversing time and space ( disguised as a public toilet) after all

Bird of paradise are known never to alight on the ground or a tree branch, as deduced from their absence of legs. It follows by the same token that in lieu of using nests they must lay hollow eggs that hover in mid-air; so naturally these eggs are sky-coloured as camouflage against egg-predating threats such as crows and naturalists.

Levitating eggs, caught by naturalist
Seen against the brown interior of a nest, however, blue eggs are not so well concealed, often causing naturalists to exclaim "My God, it's full of sky!" as their final communication to Mission Control just before they disappear part-way though an epic 5-year egg-collecting mission. I note in passing that this would make a great Stanley Kubrick / Peter Greenaway collaboration.

Moreno and Osorno note that the blue pigment is a drain on the female's metabolism, and have a theory that it is secreted as a signal to the male as to the resources invested in an egg -- giving him an incentive to hang around and take turns with brooding while waiting for the eggs to hatch.

However, on empirical grounds, Phillip Cassey does not rate for this theory. This is a pity because it would also explain why human mothers-to-be emphasise the bulge of their bellies with a coating of blue woad and sometimes some subtle gold adornment of the navel. YMMV.

This bird encourages its mate to take a greater share of the egg-brooding by involving him in the decoration of the nest. They spend many hours reading issues of Home & Garden together.

8 comments:

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Stanley Kubrick / Peter Greenaway collaboration

The Cook, The Shining, His Wife and her Strange Lover?

Smut Clyde said...

Needs moar Tulse Luper references.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Tulse Luper tried to commit suicide by holding his breath.

Better to have tried and failed then never tried at all.
~

mikey said...

...why human mothers-to-be emphasise the bulge of their bellies with a coating of blue woad and sometimes some subtle gold adornment of the navel.

Now that's just silly. WOAD-AM (Jackson, MS) doesn't PLAY Blues. As common sense might inform any fule, they compete in their market with Gospel music and ads for Homo-Cure™, a Homeopathological treatment popular in the south for treatment of lightness in ones loafers, mincing, lisping and other indisputable signs of homonality...

Jennifer said...

Explain Smurfs...

vacuumslayer said...

No, it's a sound theory. Hubby only stuck around after Dudeskull because my tummy was a gorgeous shade of Tiffany blue.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Homo-Cure™, a Homeopathological treatment popular in the south for treatment of lightness in ones loafers, mincing, lisping and other indisputable signs of homonality...

Ah, yes, it involves the insertion of an extremely dilute solution of penises in distilled water.

Smut Clyde said...

Orac has all the information you need on homeopathic treatment of homosexuality.

Apparently the Bach-flower remedy is Elm tree extract, due to elms being total sluts of the botanical world.