Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Health alert

New study with Brazilian subjects identifies Southwest Airlines as a cancer risk!
Methods.  A questionnaire about personal and sexual habits was completed in interviews of 118 PC patients and 374 controls (healthy men) recruited between 2009 and 2010 from 16 urology and oncology centers.
Main Outcome Measures.  SWA rates, geographic distribution, duration, frequency, animals involved, and behavioral habits were investigated and used to estimate the odds of SWA as a PC risk factor.
Results. SWA was reported by 171 (34.8%) subjects, 44.9% of PC patients and 31.6% of controls (P < 0.008). [...]
Conclusion.  SWA is a risk factor for PC and may be associated with venereal diseases. New studies are required in other populations to test other possible nosological links with SWA.
CBS goes for a more alarmist headline:

Sex with animals tied to penile cancer

Speaking here as a farmboy, if the animals are tied then one's penis is not the part of the body most at risk.

The authors report that Southwest Airlines is also associated with venereal diseases, sex with prostitutes, and having numerous sexual partners, suggesting that what we are seeing here -- and what might underlie the cancer risk -- is a constellation of behaviours technically known as the "horndog syndrome".

Instead, the lead author preferred to ascribe the risk to "micro-traumas in the human penile tissue [...] Perhaps animal tissues are less soft than ours". Meanwhile a Dr Köhler
speculates that the friction during SWA causes micro-lesions. "The vagina in humans has moisturizing properties, which prevent penile injury."
An anonymous Herr Doktor authority pointed out to Riddled reporters that if rough unlubricated stimulation of a teenaged male's penis caused dickrot then the human race would have died out a long time ago.

For readers who crave details, Riddled is here to help:
"The number of animals involved per individual ranged from 1 to 7. The animal types most often cited were mares (N = 80), followed by donkeys (N = 73), mules (N = 57), goats (N = 54), chickens (N = 27), calves (N = 18), cows (N = 13), dogs (N = 10), sheep (N = 10), pigs (N = 6), and other species (N = 3). Chickens were more frequently involved in the south and southeast of the country, with only three reports in the northeast, where donkeys dominated the reports."

This is IMPORTANT INFORMATION if you need to know the market segmentation for a new range of specialised greetings cards.

UPDATED with suitable image on insistence of ITTDGY.
UPDATE2 is brought to us by the letter B, and by a Swedish anthropology blogger.

18 comments:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

First of all, lettuce blame Mickey Kaus, because that is what civilised people do.

And next...
~

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

a constellation of behaviours technically known as the "horndog syndrome".

Another constellation of behaviours (sic-heh heh) which can lead to increased risk of esophageal and colorectal cancers is technically known as the "corndog syndrome".

Smut Clyde said...

NOT CLICKING.

Another Kiwi said...

Perry perry not clicking

Anonymous said...

Shirley the satyr would have more luck doggy-style?

ckc (not kc) said...

...chickens!?

Smut Clyde said...

Do not trigger ITTDGY.
I for one am more worried what the remaining N=3 "other species" might include. Amazonian river dolphins?

Another Kiwi said...

Amazonian river dolphins?
Huh, you'll be lucky, those snooty bastards never put out

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Semprini!

Grant said...

Another review of this research is at Aetiology:

http://scienceblogs.com/aetiology/2011/11/does_bestiality_increase_your.php

Smut Clyde said...

That is a good review, Grant, for people who care about the science and want a serious critique.

wiley said...

Bestiality always reminds me of Antonio Begnini in "Night on Earth" confessing to a priest that when he was young he fucked a sheep, got caught, then fucked a pumpkin, and then later in life fucked his brother's wife who had an ass like a pumpkin and wool panties that reminded him of the sheep.

Substance McGravitas said...

Lassie! Come!

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Smut knows how to draw out everyone's best instincts.
~

El Manquécito said...

Tig will be here shortly to point out that cats were NOT listed.


wv veers off into brewing terms: sparge

Von said...

Winner.
Greatest blog post ever.
Hands down.

Smut Clyde said...

Now I'm afeared to open that envelope from Von. Given the context, I am rather worried what the prize might be.

ckc (not kc) said...

(she did say "hands down" - I hope you complied)