Unreal

New Zild’s ruling National party has a special friend in the ACT party, who have been mentioned on this blog from time to time. The Nats have been askeart that the DLF will not get into Parliament what with them having policies that are marginally more popular than tooth decay so, under our parliamentary rules, they are willing to have an agreement to not seriously run a candidate in the only electorate where ACT has a chance of getting a seat which will mean that, under parliamentary rules, other ACT party animals might be able to go to Wellington. This was all supposed to go smoothly and quietly in a photo op moment which is covered, dutifully, here.

But some poltroon, some miscreant has “accidentally” taped the conversation and the “cup of tea” episode is swirling around the plonkerocity that is a New Zild election year.

However, in the tradition of Riddled investigative journalism and by using pixie technology known as Morphic Vibrational Transferance we do not have the transcript which we publish here.

The participants are not the Prime Minister, John Key and the ACT party candidate, ex politician and ex Auckland mayor, John Banks. Especially not them.

JK: Bansky!

JB: Keysy!

JK: hah hah

JB: Yah hah hah

JK: Time for a cuppa?

JB: Hah hah

JK: Tea?

JB: Yeah hah hah

JK: I’ll have English Breakfast tea. Geddit?

JB: Yeah hah hah

JK: It’s because my deputy is Bill English! English breakfast! Hah hah

JB: I don’t like tea

JK: What, don’t like tea?

JB: Tea, no. Coffee for me. Coffee is what Banksy likes. Coffee, hot and strong. Like a ….hot, strong thing.

JK: Tea and coffee grow on bushes.

JB: Do they? Bushes,eh? I’ve heard of Bushells tea.

JK: Yeah, that’s it, on the Bushell bush.

JB: Crikey, how do you know this stuff?

JK: Good people Banksy, on the desk, finding stuff out.

JB: So, we going to do this election thing?

JK: What?

JB: The election thing.

JK: I’m doing it Banksy, goin’ around shaking hands NOT BABIES, eh, not babies, makin’ speeches and such. It’s a stress and a strain but I do it for the hard working tax payers whom I represent

JB: Me too ! hah ha ha ha.

JK: hah hah haha, I like that one

JB: But you know, you’re not going to run against me and then I get into Parliament and help you out, maybe two or three of us?

JK: Not that old guy, smells like cabbage?

JB: That’s Don Brash, the leader, the Man; he has to come with me.

JK: Creepy old bugger. Always going on about something BLAH BLAH BALH.

JB: BLAH BLAH BLAH, always

JK: (silly voice) I say, Mr Key, can I tell you about blah blah blah!

JB: (silly voice) It’s very important blahhdy blah

(Both giggling for several minutes)

JK: Yeah we’ll do it Bansky, happy to do it.

JB: You won’t regret it, Sir.

JK: You don’t worry that it is a rort of the system, that we are really constricting people’s choice in the pursuit of our ideological agenda?

JB: Um, does tea really grow on bushes?

JK: I’ll get people to look into it.