Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Newspaper headline's nails it!

This headline cannot be improved upon. Imagine the horror of being stunned by a giant white snail. Your mind reeling from misfortune of stumbling onto a Ken Russell movie scant days before his death. Your dissapointment at not seeing Amanda Donohoe sauntering out from behind a tree in very little clothing. AND THEN A GIANT WHITE SNAIL STUNS YOU!!!

Here it is cunningly disguised as white chocolate which all New Zild hikers, or tramping persons (or lost as they are most commonly known) carry. Of course your average kiwi tramper when chancing upon a giant block of Milky Bar chocolate would immediately suspect that a) something was up and b) it was a commercial being filmed.
Thus the attempted stunning by the savagely transformed snail/chocolate would be unsuccessful due to the Kiwis being on their cellphones to their agents and therefore being protected by the invisible force field which protects that man on the bus who has arguments with his spouse via mobilephone on the way into work on the bus."I don't know what kind of dog it is. A brown dog, how the f.... etc etc etc"
However lettuce (snail food) not be accused of currying or even oreganuming for favour note that this is not a Powelliphanta augusta which are deuced uncommon in December anyway (having moved to Maine) but neither is it 
a locomotive
he said knowingly.

14 comments:

Smut Clyde said...

I said it was a mistake to allow giant meat-eating snails to have access to tasers. Did anyone listen? DID THEY BOGROLL.

Another Kiwi said...

The taser of Love, baybee

wiley said...

Watch it free on IMDB?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I had no idea! I can watch it on my new 42" completely paid for high-definition flatscreen!!

I'm having technical orgasms from all the goodies at our fingertips, ZOMG it's great to be alive in the 21st century!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can read stuff on the cloud and on and on and I love my laptop and the internet like nothing I've ever loved--- NO--- I love it like oils and stretched canvas. Hearts, hearts, hearts.

Also, I really like filums about one day in the life of...

Smut Clyde said...

having moved to Maine
It's so lonely, in that state.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Last month it emerged the Department of Conservation accident froze 800 Powelliphanta augustus snails to death after taking them from the Stockton plateau on the West Coast for protection.

Golf clap.
~

vacuumslayer said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Substance McGravitas said...

Also, I really like filums about one day in the life of...

Hush. Filums and biologists don't mix.

FUCK YOU LATIN.

Rachel said...

He's fucked:

http://media.comicvine.com/uploads/8/86785/1735000-hellraiser_1_02_super.jpg

Another Kiwi said...

Interesting, the man holding the cheese has the toothpicks stuck in his head instead of in the cheese. Plus there is no pineapple. He just doesn't understand how we do things at Riddled wine 'n' cheese occasions

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Plus there is no pineapple.

This sounds like a band name or a blog post.
~

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

The taser of Love, baybee

Ahab seeks Moby for some serious harpoon hermaphroditism!

Smut Clyde said...

Rachel said...
He's fucked:


Scalp massages I can understand; the appeal of acupuncture I can understand. But I am not besotted with the idea of combining the two.

Substance McGravitas said...

Christmas is coming. Think of how cute each pin will be with a little green or red light on it.

fish said...

He just doesn't understand how we do things at Riddled wine 'n' cheese occasions

Sure, switch the rules on him midstream. Pins in the head are so yesterday.