Monday, April 2, 2012

A question forages

"Who will come with me to the sports field at the end of Rintoul Street and help me collect the Suillus granulatus toadstools that sprang up there last night under the pine trees in a gregarious or caespitose manner?" said the little red hen Smut.



"Not I," said the Frau Doktorin, "for I am having a Skype conversation with my friend Myra."

"Not I," said Doktorling Sonja, "for I am showing Mum what each Skype setting does, and making bunny-ears behind her head."

So Smut walked to the sports field at the end of Rintoul Street where the pine trees are with his bag from the liquor store that's just the right size for four bottles, and filled it with yellow-orange S. granulatus boletes, the undersides of their caps divided into pores rather than gills.



"Who will help me peel the mucilaginous pellicle off each pileus?" asked Smut.

"Not I," said the Frau Doktorin, "for I am making tomato relish."

"Not I," said Doktorling Sonja, "for the idea of doing my stats homework is more enticing."

So Smut spent a long time peeling away the mucilaginous pellicle that gives this family the name "slippery Jacks", for some authors describe it as 'unwholesome'.

"Who would like S. granulatus slices on their pizza?" asked Smut.

"Even the thought is nauseating," said the Frau Doktorin.

"I will not dignify that vile suggestion with a response," said Doktorling Sonja, miming the gesture of a finger down the throat, which evidently does not count as 'a response'.

Apparently I will be eating boletes for some time to come. Just as well they can be dried.

13 comments:

vacuumslayer said...

More foraging news? I've died and gone to Rabbit Food Heaven!

I will have some of your de-pussed mushrooms on *MY* pizza, please!

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Happy shrooming!

They haven't turned up yet in W.V.
~

Substance McGravitas said...

Don't you have any nice clean Hostess™ factories there? I mean, you pick up those things off the GROUND.

mikey said...

I really like the idea of going out in the neighborhood and collecting good things to eat. The entire concept appeals to me on a multitude of levels.

But this mushroom thing...

It's the execution, or perhaps more specifically the cost of failures in execution. I don't mind a game where the cost benefit ratio is somewhere near the same level, in this case a bad taste or a tummy ache or even a case of the runs.

But mushrooms...

Fer crissakes, you get it wrong and you die, hard and slow, with much of your personal offal turning to toxic sludge as you waste.

This is well and truly to be considered going "all in"...

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Did you discard the mucilaginous pellicle, or did you make mucilage out of it?

AFAF

Another Kiwi said...

Where will the toads sit now?

vacuumslayer said...

I'fthey're like the toads at Sub's...anywhere they like.

wiley said...

You had me at "glabrous".

Another Kiwi said...

Is this going to get all slithey and such?

mikey said...

But it's nowhere NEAR Brillig...

Smut Clyde said...

It's always brillig somewhere in the world.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

I like your golf course shots, S.C.

Especially kanga3.

(IF that is your real name, of course.)
~

M. Bouffant said...

I mean, you pick up those things off the GROUND.

And just as fish do gawd knows what in that water stuff no one sane would drink, ever, animals do even worse things on the ground.