Thursday, September 13, 2012

Pig is on the roof.

I was sitting at my desk reading the latest reports on the mail service when there was a knock at the door.
"Come in" I said in a tone of seriosity, yet welcoming, a kind of Mitt Romney on Prozac voice.
In came young Smut Clyde, chief researcher of Riddled Mail Corporation ("Putting our stamp on history") and a person whose jib, we in management , had liked the cut of.
I gestured with my quill,  "The jib, Smut".
He adjusted his lab coat "Sorry" he said "but we have great news on the Pigeon post"
"Oh good " I said, trying vainly to remember what he was talking about.
"Yes" he said, "we have trained the pigeons to return home after delivering letters. It was very hard to get them to carry the envelopes in their little paws"
I raised an eyebrow at him.
"What's wrong with your eye?" he asked.
"I was asking a question, non-verbally" I said.
"That's a good idea" he said "then I don't know what the question is and I can't answer."
"I thought that they carried little messages in leg bands" I opined.
He scoffed "Old technology, boss. The modern postal system is personalised, fast and guaranteed to not be undelivered in an ongoing sense."
"That is a good mission statement " I said admiringly "I suppose it means something?"
"I expect so" said Smut.
I remembered something that Mrs. Miggins had told me when she had brought in the "Tea and Sardines In One Cake"  last week.
"What is the deal with the masks they wear?" I asked.
"Personalised" explained Smut "And helpful when the receipts from the sender is put into the voucher safe."
"The masks are all the same" I noted .
"Yeah, well Evangeline von Holsterin's vile nephew, Throgmorton, got them cheap from a V for Vendetta place, they shrunk in the moulder, he said" he said.
"Well young Smut, we look forward to a long and fruitful time in the mail business. In this case it will be good when the chickens come home to roost, eh"
"Oh yes, ha ha" said Smut and then looked fearful "Come home to roost. 'Scuse me!!" He ran outside and I heard him shouting to Greenish Hugh about "the bungee cords!"
 Well, back to the grindstone. Mrs Kiwi's dressage Corgi dog  was performing on the weekend and someone had to go and shine its collar.     


ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Ah yes, but can they deliver animal sex-organ soup in 30 minutes or less or your money back?

Another Kiwi said...

The offer is dependent on cooking times. You know, mouse deer vs rhinoceros

Substance McGravitas said...

I thought animal sex-organ soup was supposed to be done in two minutes.

Another Kiwi said...

We don't use powdered animal naughty bits, Mr. so-called McGravitas.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Suddenly, the movie Duck Soup has taken on a disturbing edge.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Since I have apparently sub-consciously made it my mission to alienate everybody within reach these days, and the InterZombies makes that reach pretty long, though I would just drive-by to let you know that I am seriously considering using Papyrus as a labeling font in a project's marketing drawings.

Carry on.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

false alarum.

Tekton it is.

Carry on. Again.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Self-conscious zombie is self-conscious.

Get over it, you are bringing shame to your kin!

(I apologize if the word "kin" is offensive to zombies, he typed self-consciously.)

Smut Clyde said...

apparently sub-consciously made it my mission to alienate everybody
"Sub-consciously", yeah right.

I am seriously considering using Papyrus as a labeling font
Elsewhere, mean people are mean about Papyrus.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Elsewhere, mean people are mean about Papyrus.

Anybody whose ever been on a FIRST robotics team has been through a swiss-cheesing weight exercise, and will be triggered by ECOFONT.