Sunday, November 11, 2012

It's always cold inside the icehouse Though the rivers never freeze

Riddled cryosauna-related activities are not a clumsy attempt to repurpose our Cryogene research and cash in on a popular form of quackery.
"Cryotherapy simply means “Cold Treatment”, therefore it can be used in many applications and medical procedures.
('I wrote that!' Another Kiwi proudly vouchsafed).
"The Cryosauna is pumped with environmentally friendly gas nitrogen (nitrogen composes 78.09% of the atmosphere), and is cooled to a temperature of approx. -110 °C. The patient is protected from acute frostbite with socks¹ and spends up to 3 minutes in the Cryosauna.

"The sauna works by cooling the entire skin surface of the body in order to develop defensive reflexes and reactions such as stimulation of blood circulation, endocrine system, the immune system and the central nervous system. Such stimulation makes the therapy beneficial to a range of conditions. During the cooling effect your brain will trigger a spontaneous release of endorphins and adrenaline into your blood stream.²

"Post treatment you will feel a tingling sensation over your skins surface together with a analgesic effect, your capillaries will expand to around four times there natural diameter.³ This enables your white blood cells to access and heal your injuries up to 50% faster then the natural process. Therapy triggers the release of endorphins which also induce analgesia (immediate pain relief)."

The number of unfortunate accidents in the Riddled cryosauna has been vastly exaggerated.
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¹ Usually. The words "surprise frostbite" do not really belong in a headline that starts with "Cryosaunas".

² and ³ That’s also what they told me at the Madame Whiplash House of Discipline.

6 comments:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Q. Watcha thinkin' about?

A. Stuff...
~

Smut Clyde said...

Thoughtful Satan is thoughtful.

el Manquécito said...

Am I to understand then that the customer is, aside from possible sox, nekkid? That does seem like it would be stimulating at least. Does one sit on cedar benches or scrabble feebly at the door before succumbing to the spontaneous endorphins?

I've been nekkid at -35C but only for the 20 meters from the house to the hot tub. WITHOUT SOX.

mikey said...

It turns out there are tremendous recreational opportunities too.

Smut Clyde said...

Am I to understand then that the customer is, aside from possible sox, nekkid?

The highly-authoritative images on Goofle Search (and at Substance's helpful link) encourage a sexxy-bikini dress code.

Substance McGravitas said...

Am I to understand then that the customer is, aside from possible sox, nekkid? That does seem like it would be stimulating at least.

This is why the Canadian birth-rate needs no boosts from huge inflows of immigrants.