Friday, November 2, 2012

X-tr3m3 weather conditions

Tropical Storm Julian passed directly over stately Riddled manor, but thanks to our bona professionalism and preparedness only minor damage ensued. I didn't even know that we had a gazebo. If tigris is to be believed, a gazebo is a kind of animal from central Africa, but a second opinion would be welcomed.

As the man on look-out duty, I performed the gestures to fend away the mutant parrots and giant black bats swooping and diving. Another Kiwi defied the thudnerclouds with the Wobbly Sword of Conductivity. The wok was a totally legitimate loan from the Chinese takeaway around the corner and not looted. Evangeline van Holsterin's idiot boyfriend was not a lot of help and spent the entire duration of the deluge trying to cast hand-shadows that look like a butterfly, under the misapprehension that a watermelon was stalking him.

The Riddled Freak Weather Preparedness team is once again available for training courses for businesses, schools and children's parties.

8 comments:

Willy said...

"The Riddled Freak Weather Preparedness team is once again available for training courses for businesses, schools and children's parties."
Are you able to convert your clockwise preparedness to the anti-clockwise storm rotation for your Northern Hemisphere clients?

mikey said...

The Riddled Freak Weather Preparedness team...

Hmm. Still trying to parse this sentence for accuracy writer's intent...

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Another Kiwi defied the thudnerclouds with the Wobbly Sword of Conductivity.

I usually use one of my golf clubs for this porpoise.
~

H. Rumbold, Master Barber said...

Julian and Sandy. I vada what you did there. The sillyjism with the infurred premises. Fabulosa!

tigris said...

If you recall I didn't actually SAY it was an animal, just that if you guys didn't go sit with it during the worst part of the storm it might run away.

Substance McGravitas said...

Storms are like little universes. If your gazebo flies off in one direction it will come back in another.

If really WAS yours.

vacuumslayer said...

tigris is totally correct about "gazebo." In fact, if you'd like to show off your smarts, I'd go around telling people about gazebos. But try to be subtle about it. Don't bring it up out of nowhere.

BTW, why do you keep the dumb boyfriend on staff?

Smut Clyde said...

why do you keep the dumb boyfriend on staff?

This is equivalent to the question "Why do we ingratiate ourselves with the head barmaid?". Would you like the silly answer or the very silly answer?