Monday, January 28, 2013

Hedge-Maze Revivalism and Table-top Trebuchet Club

The agenda began with the minutes from the previous meeting. As Acting HonSec ProTem Ibid Ipso Facto, tigris vouchsafed her opinion that the minutes would be more accurately characterised as 'hours'. With the unanimous leave of the meeting the role of HonSec was transferred to G. Hugh, who proceeded to read the previous minutes, albeit in an almost inaudible bat-like twittering on account of recent experiments with the Evolvamat.

The previous meeting had tasked the Experimental High-Energy Literature Working Group with using the hints in Borges' stories The House of Asterion, Dead in His Labyrinth and Garden of Forking Paths to reconstruct the maze that each one describes in its own way. A. Kiwi was invited to report on progress. This time, please, with less of the quaint vernacular that cannot for decency's sake be recorded verbatim in the Minutes. Apparently the data have all been input to the Riddled Ktistec Machine, along with sundry maze-related images to remove remaining indeterminacy. A. Kiwi further vouchsafed his skepticism that a Borges theme-park was really a viable business case. Even with a maze and a Circular Ruins roller-coaster.

In the ensuing robust exchange of views, it emerged that E. van Holsterin's idiot boyfriend has acquired a large number of things that from a distance look like flies, which he aspires to unload as merchandise in the projected Borges-World Gift Shoppe. It would therefore be politic for AK to keep his skepticism under wraps until such time as the Riddled drinks tab at the Old Entomologist is partially repaid and is no longer in danger of collapsing into a black hole under its own weight.

S. Clyde looked up from his Sudoku puzzle for long enough to wonder about the lack of hedge-maze environments in Doom and similar first-person shooter games, where there are plenty of labyrinths but all underground or inside buildings, or so he had heard from a friend. Space-Time Eddie obligingly ku'ed -- a Sudo joke intended to fill a joke-shaped gap in the narrative.

Old fever-wracked Mauricio Santos-Lobos (author of The Spider Glyph in Time) managed to drag himself away from his usual obsession with cobwebs. He pointed out another literary labyrinth -- the Wilsthorpe Maze, which contains and conceals an unspeakable abomination at its centre, keeping unwanted visitors away while luring wanted visitors directly inwards. In the manner of a spiderweb. The designer of the maze was a Cainite -- a Gnostic sect also known to Borges.

Tigris speculated as to the possibility that the ghost story in question had been included in the analysis for the Ktistec machine. Also, had the output had been routed through error into the Morphogenic Flux Intensifier, causing a proliferation of hedge mazes in physical and literary actuality -- all of them housing unspeakable abominations in the centre?

A. Kiwi opined that "library pixies playing silly-buggers again" sounded better and more likely than "error".

The combination of "chocolate Tim-Tams + table-top trebuchet + S. Clyde" once again proving to be a dangerous one, the meeting broke up amid acrimony. The secretary is unsure as to the exact definition of 'acrimony' but suspects it to be the herb that garnishes Mrs Miggins' Cornish jellyfish scones.

12 comments:

Another Kiwi said...

Look, those of us who live in the centre of mazes don't really want company, hence the maze. Also, abominable has negative connotations and actually verges onto unkind.

wiley said...

Perhaps it would catch on more if it promised something pleasant in the center, like a sammich or a playful puppy. When the nice prize turned into something like diptheria laughter would ensue.

Just a thought.

Smut Clyde said...

I will forward wiley's suggestion on to Mrs Miggins for her next Hotpot Surprise.

mikey said...

What does any of this have to do with the apparent revisionist presentation of 'Hansel and Gretel' that includes guns and explosions?

Substance McGravitas said...

It is sad that the "unspeakable abominations" chant ends at "WHAT DO WE WANT?"

Smut Clyde said...

guns and explosions
If it also includes repeating crossbows, I will watch it.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

A. Kiwi further vouchsafed his skepticism that a Borges theme-park was really a viable business case. Even with a maze and a Circular Ruins roller-coaster.

I rate for an endless library OF THRILLS!!!

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

The combination of "chocolate Tim-Tams + table-top trebuchet + S. Clyde" once again proving to be a dangerous one

I think this is an excellent subject for a youtuber.
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tigris said...

I did eventually come to the conclusion that you were right about not including a ride where time stops long enough for you to finish your work in your head and then you get shot.

wiley said...

See, I think that's charming, tigris.

Smut Clyde said...

Must credit a post at Feuilleton for inspiration:
http://www.johncoulthart.com/feuilleton/2013/01/23/mazes-and-labyrinths/

Smut Clyde said...

a ride where time stops long enough for you to finish your work in your head and then you get shot

We did build a prototype of the "Congress Mirror-Maze", which is without boundaries and the visitor eventually realises that the maze is the entire world, but a significant number of customers complained that they felt "ripped off".