Normally we shrug this off with a "Hey Nonny No" and lawyers up the wazoo, but this time it hurts, my friends, it stings. Last year some time we sent off the usual pile of grant applications to Funnyscience.com and were agreeably surprised when the Fendleton Little Old Ladies Club offered us $150 to research the affects of stroking cats. Tossing aside the offers of long-lost Nigerian brothers-in-law we began to formulate the Research Project. Mrs Cat and Mrs Spat were not all that keen on the joining the team and we respected their rights as Furred New Zealanders to opt out. Also they bit and scratched.
Thus we had suitable test animals arranged, a Guinea pig, a ferret, two Gerbils and a rooster called Derek. People were engaged, on a roster system to stroke the animals and record observations as per.
Fig.1:Imagine our Chagall when we find this in our inbox this very morning. Gazumped!!!
Observation of stroking animals.
Time: 0.002 to 2.220 (technical note: Mickey Mouses' Big hand has fallen off)
Stroking regime: Standard. 3 stroked forard 3 strokes sternard. (Technical note: WTF?)
Notes: That fecking Derek is on borrowed time. Guinea pig wheezing, does nothing, gerbils run around on wheel. They are scared of a sock monster and reject it's stroking. Ferret is psychotic, not touching it.
Bleedin' amateurs look at this tosh:
neurons are activated by massage-like stroking of hairy skin, but not by noxious punctate mechanical stimulation. By contrast, a different population of C fibres expressing MRGPRD was activated by pinching but not by strokingWe were just about to embark on the noxious punctate section of the work and had Mrs Miggins researching a special pie to throw at the little blighters. But now dreams of glory are dashed from our grasp by overpriced medical show ponies. This means you MR. GPRD!!
On the bright side it's Coq au Vin in the staff cafe today.