Unexpected outcomes of ground-breakingIt is a truth universally acknowledged in our field of research that the royal road** to fame and fortune and laudatory headlines from goldfish-attention-span journalists is to send out a press release about the health benefits of chocolate. It must be a tradition, or an old charter or something. The ground-breaking research at Riddled Laboratories with cocoa and godmeat gene transfection brought the reporters running, except they never actually reached us on account of the broken ground and the consequent exploding tanks and pteranodons. NOT THAT WE'RE BITTER.
But now Naviaux and his Mitochondrial and Metabolic Disease Centre have sold out and gone mainstream with a Curing Autism Mouse Study, and they have forgotten their old friends and no longer return the phone calls from Riddled.
The resulting adult mice fail the revolving pole-dance test, and in the Social Preference test they are more interested in a cage containing Lego blocks than in another cage containing a conspecific. Naviaux's press release calls this "a mouse model for autism" because a grant from an autism foundation was paying for the research.
Suramin has a number of side-effects including ballistic organ syndrome though fewer than half the recipients "will require lifelong corticosteroid replacement". But with the tabloids heralding it as a cure for autism you can bet the equine beast of burden of your choice that it's already on sale from the autism quacks.
-------------------------------------------------------* Research funded by the Hershey Corporation.
ONUS Royal Road. You must be wearing a spiky gold spacesuit to use this thoroughfare.