In the aftermath of the tremor we have received any number of anxious e-mails and texts**, so I should take this opportunity to reassure our readers that none of the delicately-poised Riddled research apparati was left misaligned any more than previously, and although the smooth aging of the Christmas Ale was disrupted, head brewer Space-Time Eddie was able to assuage its agitation by the adroit use of a brewer's technique known as "late ratting" where the details are beyond my ken. Material damage was limited to the collapse of the spacious West Wing Lean-to, otherwise known as the Insurance-rort Annex.
The psychic damage, however, is harder to dismiss. AK was clinically traumatised by the collapse of his bedside table with its glasses of three different varieties of gin, and is refusing to emerge from under the duvet until someone shaves his leg.
It does not help that the library pixies, on the pretext of catastrophic realignments in the 740-750 sequence of shelving, have opened a new portal between their fractal inter-Dewey dimensions and consensus reality, entering and exiting under AK's bed. Evidently miniature ponies are a trigger for some people. Who knew?
Eventually tigris had to emerge from the Chief Editor's
Also whose is the Rottweiler under the bed? Is today Bring-your-pet-to-work Day? Why no I do not believe it is.
So we gave AK his own narwhale horn to hold while tigris held a baby over his head. It turns out that babies are liable to pee if they are held in the air and squeezed and jiggled, but we couldn't be expected to know that, so no hard feelings, right AK?
* Just saying, some people's mental batteries are compact high density lithium-ion tech while others' are Voltaic stacks of copper / zinc / brine-soaked cardboard.
** for any number n < 3.
4 comments:
It turns out that babies are liable to pee if they are held in the air and squeezed and jiggled
Don't feel so bad; it did take a meta-analysis of 117 separate studies to conclude this.
Evidently miniature ponies are a trigger for some people. Who knew?
I thought this was a family blog!
It turns out that babies are liable to pee...
The liabilities of babies are legion.
I don't see a shaved leg. If someone will wheel the Teevee in here I shall watch a delayed telecast of Westham United beating Cardiff City 2-0. Then some restitution for the gin crisis can occur.
Post a Comment