Friday, August 23, 2013

Going into Labour

"So" said Smut Clyde "it appears that the Labour party is going to vote for a new leader".
"Yes" I vouchsafed "the last bloke was out of his depth, as the Minister for Grinding the Workers noted"
"The guy who negotiated his wife out of hostage situation in Somalia, was out of his depth?" said Smut as he, more in regret than in anger, replaced the lid of the receptacle formerly known as the biscuit tin.
"Who would have thought people could negotiate with Ostriches" I mused "What do they care for money and a jetliner to take them to Yemen".
"Indeed" said Smut "I thought that they were usually happy birds. Who knows what internal struggles they have though, until, one day, it all just gets too much. Some one should tell them that kidnapping people is not going to help their cause."
 "They never struck me as very intelligent birds" I said' One bit me once..."
tigris looked at us with the Eyes of Someone's Going to Get a Clip Around the Earhole.
"It is important that the Labour party choose a good candidate" she said "the opposition has been too weak and this is not good for the country".
"That Grant Robertson looks the best shot" I said "though I heard noted radio personality John Tamihere saying that Robertson is gay and while there was nothing wrong with that he just didn't like it"
"How could there be nothing wrong with it but him just not like it?" asked Smut
"I dunno" I said "there was a dry cleaning ad and then JT was talking about when he was an MP and was so good that people got jealous and conspired against him."
"Terrible how the voters got fooled by his stupid, offensive behaviour and did not see his worth" said Smut.
"Luckily he has a radio show and can continue to offer advice to people" I said "although most of the advice seems to be 'Sod off you loonies"'
"He could be a Head Barmaid" said tigris.
  "JT does not think Shane Jones should go for the job" I said.
"Was it because of the Porno movies on his expense account or his immigration meddling?" asked Smut
"There was a viagra ad and when he came back JT was shouting about some environmentalists" I said "he is very versatile about who he shouts at."
 "I see that noted political pundit, Mathew Hooton has stated that the unions will run the country because they will block vote for the new person" said tigris.
"I saw" I said "it is very worrying. Imagine the power they will have, a mere 10% of the workforce will run the whole country!"
"It's just that they aren't going to block vote and the person they vote for will be the leader of the opposition and thus about as powerful as Snuffles the Dog of Doom."
"Oh" said Smut "how is his assertiveness training going?"
"They still can't find him" I said " he was last seen running away from some rabbits"
"Quite tough, some rabbits" said Smut " big scary ears and all"
"Baby rabbits" I said "wearing ribbons for an Easter parade"
"Rattley, sparkley ribbons I expect" said Smut "unsettling to a sensitive dog like Snuffles"
"Goodness" I said looking at the Riddled clock "we shall have to hurry if we are not to miss Choanocyte Metabolism in Asconoid Endosymbionts and Guess the Sock night"
"Damn" said Smut "Greenish Hugh will get all the good socks"


ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

They've already picked a date for whomever wins the beauty contest.

But what if he or she is already married, I wonder?

Yastreblyansky said...

Thunder, married or not and regardless of gender, it is the tradition that the PM always has a man-date.

Smut Clyde said...

"JT does not think Shane Jones should go for the job"

This cannot be, AK, for the disinterested newspaper columns from right-wing propagandists all assure us that Shane Jones is exactly the man to appeal to NZ voters.

Another Kiwi said...

Well, disinterested right-wing propagandists have breathlessly reported that "Shane Jones is the MP that National fears THE MOST!" Fainting couches are being prepared all over NZ. JT is being all mavericky on this one.
But, you know, he is fine with the gheyness and all, but he just doesn't like it.

Smut Clyde said...

"Damn" said Smut "Greenish Hugh will get all the good socks"

Let the record show that what I actually said was "Darn".