Royal watchers are abuzz (yes, actually buzzing) with the news that a kiwi tourist and his differently socialised family have invited themselves to the Queen's house and have eaten all the bread in the fridge. "Some of it was pretty rough, too" enthused the Prime Mincer (Hoban 1980) "it was very scrunchy".
The queen confirmed that she kept her bath loofahs in the fridge due to security concerns.
The Key family settled into royal life very quickly and gathered in the drawing room to watch TV. "Some old crap was on here' enthused Steffi Key "so we changed it to Arl Moosic rayve Uppp. Dad really likes that show and he's such a mook when he does the monkey dance." "Really" she added.
Mr Key felt that Balmoral castle needed "a bit if a shake-up. Maybe a deck out over that lawn for a Barbie. Though it gets pretty cold here Phil was saying."
Mr Key's helpfulness to the Royals extended to the visitors that the Queen was seeing. "Frankly a lot of them were moochers" Mr Key enthused "some brown skin types coming around on the scrounge. So I sent them away with a flea in their ear. Bloody pikeys, Phil said. They soon got going I can tell you" Mr Karzai is reported to be considering his response.
The lunchtime menu was a hit with the Keys "Bloody healthfood crap" enthused Max Key and afterwards the Keys offered to take the Queen's corgis for a walk "Fat little takkas" enthused Mrs Key "they should get out and about more". The Keys apologised for losing the dogs but explained "they ran away".
The Keys brought a cheerful note into the otherwise staid household by getting up to watch yachting at 3am. "Go you good thing go" enthused Mr Key and "Oi Gunga Din, what about a few snacks for us". The Royal kitchen said that they excelled themselves in provision of nachos.
Prince Charles and his latest wife joined the Keys for breakfast only to find that the Keys were not talking to each other "It was my go on the Kareoke machine" enthused Mr Key "Yachting or no yachting".
"You're so wack, Dad' enthused Steffi, Max and Bronagh.
Prince Charles and wife left soon after in separate vehicles going in different directions and this reporter had to ask, aren't we all on different tracks, shouldn't we all take the time to assess where we are going and what the toast will be like. The Prince returned soon after with a sodden corgi which he dropped on the front doorstep.
Mr Key and Max went out on a shoot with Prince Andrew and this reporter discovered he had business elsewhere.