Saturday, June 7, 2014

Insert joke about Googol's "Dead Souls" here

There was a time when being dead meant an end to one's employment, but modern advances in zombification allow the university to enforce the contract posthumously, with a full academic workload including PBRFs and, yes, receiving spam-mail. Even so, it was something of a surprise to receive spam e-mails addressed to Dr Joachim Harloff, since (a) I am not Dr Harloff, and (b) Joachim died in 2012.
Dear Dr. Joachim Harloff,
I came across to your research paper titled Sample Size Requirements for Stable Clustering of Free Partition Sorting Data" and feel that your research is having a very good impact.
With a view to begin a long-term fruitful association with you, I invite you to submit your upcoming research articles / papers for publication in Global Journal of Human Social Science (GJHSS), an international double blind peer reviewed research journal.
This may be noted that due date of forthcoming issue GJHSS is 15 July, 2014.
The process of publication is expected to be completed within three to five weeks. Our processes follow rigid quality control measures and comply with international standards in journal publishing.
Brief Introduction:

Global Journals Inc. (US)* is well known, fastest growing and leading research publishing organization in the world. We encourage research activities all around the globe with Online, 3D and Print versions.** We also follow open journal system.
Yours Sincerely,
Dr. R. K. Dixit
Chief Author (Hon.)
Fellow of Association of Research in Human Science)
Global Journals Incorporated

* Global Journals Inc. boasts a US address at the 5th floor of an office block in Massachusetts, and a UK address in a suburb in East London, but Dr R. K. "Ipse" Dixit is in fact based in India.

** The 3D editions of Global Journals are presumably pop-up books. I am disappointed, however, by the absence of an Interpretative Dance option.

It does not come as any surprise to find Global Journals included in Jeffrey Beall's archive of vanity-press pay-to-print academic jizzmops. So far the Archie McPhee company has ignored my suggestion that they produce a Jeffrey Beall Action Figure, but it can only be a matter of time. Anyway, it happens that Dr Harloff's final posthumous publication listed me as one of his collaborators, and it is presumably from there that the Global Journals spamming software scraped my e-address. I am torn now, choosing between two possible replies to Dr Dixit (Chief Author [Hon.]):

1. Accepting -- in Joachim's name -- the invitation to work with Dr Dixit's skeevy bottom-feeding publishing house shack, but only on condition that I am appointed Chief Peer Reviewer and Referee over the other zombie authors. I would naturally demand the title of Umpire of the Necromancers.
The editorial committee is called to order
2. "You fool, Warren Joachim is DEAD!"

Revenant cover-art: Even after death publication,
called back from the grave to labour without rest


ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Googol tracks your dead links, and monetizes them.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

I would naturally demand the title of Umpire of the Necromancers.


Smut Clyde said...

Buggrit. A opportunity for a pun, overlooked. I blame fish.