Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Peripatus, little peripatus
Peripatus, Onychophora
It will cover you with glue
(It will cover you with glue)

The Riddled competition this week is for the best new lyrics for Carmina Burana, replacing "O Fortuna" with "Peripatus". Instead of the usual road-kill hotpot from Mrs Miggins, first prize is increased to a Bremen-Style Haggis, flown directly to the lucky winner so we can make a joke about "a knipp in the air".

This may seem extravagant but "hang the expense," sez we. It will be worth every shiny milk-bottle top if the lyrics reduce future occurrences of the unmelodic quandary arising so often at the Old Entomologist in the early hours, when the topers at half the tables are trying to sing "Peripatus" to the tune of Alouette, while the other half are all "Peri patus, peri patus, Velvet worm! Velvet worm!" to the tune of Frère Jacques.

"A quandary has horns like a dilemma, but otherwise resembles a dromedary," Another Kiwi helpfully vouchsafed.

The Peripatus or Velvet worm or Onychophora is known for its ability to squirt twin streams of sticky mucus, which is the WORST SUPER-POWER EVAH if you happen to be bitten by a radioactive one. It uses the mucus to immobilise its victims before sucking out their digestive-saliva-liquified internals.
Sadly, it has yet to feature in its very own creature-feature horror movie. In part this is the fault of the New Zealand Film Commission, where people are all risk-averse and arse-covery about funding scripts from the Riddled Amateur Dramatic Society. Also too, no-one is selling Sexy Peripatus Costumes for Hallowe'en so you'll have to make your own if you want to join our other competition. Send photographs to the judges, Open Mike and Swearing Bob. The judges' decision is (due to a spelling mistake) finial.

Here's a Peripatus I found yesterday.


ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Nice! Good to see you had your camera this time.

Sirius Lunacy said...

O Peripatus
velvut worm
put Onychoforus,
make us squirm
dual secretis;
vita digestabilis
dissolvit ut glaciem

H. Rumbold, Master Barber said...

You say periPAHtus, I say peRIPatus, they say periPAYtus. And I always preferred the Orff "Oh, for tuna!"

There might be money in licensing peripatus as a sportsball team mascot.

Smut Clyde said...

Nice! Good to see you had your camera this time.

The time before, there were two peripati, but the larger one -- all of two centimetres long! -- had gone.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

There's got to be a "Blue Velvet" joke in here somewhere.

Smut Clyde said...

There's got to be a "Blue Velvet" joke in here somewhere

*Someone* didn't notice the pop-up text for the photograph!

Box Turtle said...

Someone needs to make an adorable plushy version!

...and "Peripatus, little peripatus" has been running through my head all day. Needs more verses!

Smut Clyde said...

Hi Box Turtle!
Someone was selling plush Peripati on Etsy for a while: