Quis est iste qui venit?

Often is the question asked, "Who is visiting Riddled?" Followed swiftly by the questions "What are the sick pervs searching for?" and "What can we do to pander to their depraved interests so as to increase the traffic?" Also it is reassuring to check the search-term log and realise that there are people out there around the Interlattice who make our own obsessions and propensities seem healthy in comparison.

So without further ado or adon't, here are the Riddled experts ready to answer your queries while they commute to the office. Unless of course they get distracted by the cardioid deformation grids floating around on the right.

brewing malts explained
The only explanation you need is 'Do not accept the vile Throgmorton's offer of malted rye which "fell off the back of an ambulance"', no matter how cheap; everything else is straightforward. Ignore his blandishments and his assurances that the rye is "ergonomic". Trust us on this.

magnetic surveillance
Oh dear, we appear to be rumbled. Only the other day Another Kiwi and I were remarking at "Odonata of Australasia and Akvavit Blind Tasting Night" at the Old Entomologist, that it's a wonder how we got away with the magnetic surveillance for so long. Using the Schumann Resonance to probe the electrochemical activity of your pineal gland. Now you'll be wearing those special helmets with the ferrite cores and the flanges to block our reception. Oh well, it's a fair cop.

zeus and leda
You do not appear to be clear on the concept of how slash-fic works.

bradstreet ruggiero

You are right, several months have passed since the last time we visited the oeuvres of Marco Ruggiero and Jeff Bradshaw. Varied oeuvres they are, and some might describe Dr Ruggiero as a true Renaissance man, except that there are no images of him naked and spreadeagled on a square / circle geometry. Not that there's anything wrong with liking that sort of thing.

As well as his expertise in diagnosing autism with brain ultrasound scans, curing cancer and yogurt enemas, Ruggiero has also published extensively on cadmium poisoning, which apparently causes breast cancer. And chronic-fatigue syndrome. By fortunate coincidence, cadmium-induced CFS and autism are remediable with the same preparation he uses to cure cancer.

Ruggiero is originally of the "HIV ≠ AIDS" school of maverick denialists, but even among the wider denialist ilk he stands out with his 2009 theory that HIV is actually symbiotic with its human hosts.

Now here at Riddled Research Laboratories we hew to the theory that Serious Academical Posters for presenting theories at conferences can come in a wide range of typefaces, but NOT COMIC SANS. Also NO PAPYRUS. But perhaps the signalling devices are different in Italian academia. Anyway, there is potential for more blogging about the Doctor and his colleagues, but we are not sure whether there is the demand for it. Also I first need to check on "oeuvre"... AK reckons that it means "eggs", which would change the whole meaning of the post.

brandon ballengée
A rising star in the New Zealand Ballet? A brand of footwear? Nope, no idea, you tell us.

mousehunt movie vacuum
You appear to be imagining a re-make of the 1997 movie but relocated to outer space, possibly as part of a mash-up with '2001'. This is a terrible idea, partly because it invites comparison with the Beachball-Alien subplot from "Dark Star" and we do not relish the prospect of a lawsuit from John Carpenter (similar legal concerns explain the absence of any mouse-related episodes in the "Red Dwarf" series), and partly because we do not care to contemplate how much larger Mrs Spat could grow under zero-gravity conditions.

ray bradbury skeleton
Do you suspect us of robbing the revered author's grave and reducing his skeletal remains to 'essential salts'? The thought of using those salts, and blasphemous incantations gleaned from the VIIth Book of Abdul al-Hazmat [supplemented by clues encoded within the the Pnakotic Fragments] to imprison his spirit within an eidolon of flesh, it never crossed our minds. OGTHROD AI'F Let alone a plan to keep that revenant fettered and forced to do our bidding within the catacomb of oubliettes delved beneath the Riddled Headquarters, GEB'L-EE'H, along with the other writers and scholars we have revived in similar manner,
YOG-SOTHOTH 
'NGAH'NG AI'Y ZHRO!
Sorry about the interruptions.

upside downies
This is presumably some Urban Dictionary term with which we are unacquainted, and that is how we intend to remain.