Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Dentistry not just theft, also sexual assault

A Wellington man accused of pulling out women’s teeth told a girlfriend he liked “gummy women” and said she was more beautiful when she was not wearing her dentures, his trial has been told.
Wait, what? Perhaps he said "L.A. Woman" and she misheard. It is an easy mistake to make, especially after playing the Clash's "Gums of Brixton" over and over all morning.
This woman, who also has had her name suppressed, said Hansen pulled four of her teeth out with pliers when they were in a relationship. 
WTF? Did the library pixies secretly switch my reality with a new John Waters movie to see if I'd notice the difference?
It is established fact that dentists are all wannabe surrealist writers, and possibly vice versa, but amateur dentists are another kettle of red herrings and a mare's nest of worms:
The first woman to testify against Hansen said that in the early 1990s he pulled out six of her bottom teeth with pliers and an oily rag when they had moved to the back seat of his car to have sex.
I know from weird foreplay, but that is a new one on me, as Lemmy said after counting his moles. The guy cherished his fantasies of toothless ladies but he preferred conducting actual tooth-puller cosplay himself to maintain tumescence and hasten the moment of happy release. This is an unfamiliar paraphilia with no name to be found in the usual catalogs of fetish.

Hansen's defense was that all tooth removal was by consent and that he was not in a position to dominate his partners, it is not as if they were indentured. Fortunately he was convicted on several charges (although acquitted on others)... this has spared us the unedifying spectacle of censorious conservatives prating on about the toothlessness of current legislation.

At Riddled we do not judge, and we take no position on aberrant sex. Although "standing up" is right out on account of the possibility that it might lead to dancing.


Anonymous said...

It was the IPhone footage that nailed him.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

What a sicko, he could have found plenty of gummy women at a confectioner's shop.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...


Anonymous said...

I wonder who Ben Carson is gonna gum:

M. Bouffant said...

Revelant [sic], possibly.