"Jewelry, sand-spiders and a surprise parcel full of Monkey"."I'll take 'Things Smut didn't give the Frau Doktorin for a 25th anniversary present' for $500, Alex."

The floristry industry must be terrified by the threat of competition from this innovative alternative romantic gift:

"Your intention was to capture one and bring it home to your girlfriend," the judge said during sentencing.

This, of course, comes as the culmination of the Case of the Purloined Primate. Fortunately the District Court judge saw the droll side of the whole episode.

"I don't know what happened in the squirrel monkey enclosure. The squirrel monkeys know. You say you couldn't find them and I don't speak squirrel. What I know is that by daybreak all the monkeys were distressed, two of them were injured, and you had a broken leg, two fractured teeth, a sprained ankle, and bruises on your back."

Under the circumstances, though, clemency was not possible.

Casford was also being sentenced today for an unrelated spate of violent offending over the summer.
He had pleaded guilty to a number of incidents, including an unprovoked assault on a man waiting in his car at traffic lights, an alcohol-fuelled attack at a dairy in Westport, and assaults on a Wellington City Council community safety officer and a night shelter resident who refused to hand over cigarettes.
The judge sentenced him to two years and seven months in prison for all of the offending.

"Casford told the zookeepers he broke his leg jumping the boundary fence", but I choose to believe that in fact the spider monkeys enlisted support from their allies in the nearby capybara enclosure.

Do you have a license for that minkey?


Meanwhile in Philadelphia, an arthropod collection fell victim to an inside job. WORST HEIST MOVIE EVAH.

According to a New York Times report, police have zeroed in on three suspects, all current or former museum employees. The report cites security footage showing thieves slipping out of the building with large plastic containers. And inside those containers? An estimated $50,000 worth of giant African mantises, bumblebee millipedes, warty glowspot roaches, tarantulas, dwarf and tiger hissers, and leopard geckos.

Somewhere in Philadelphia, someone is giving his girlfriend a Sicarius sp. Six-Eyed Sand Spider as a token of love and esteem.