Showing posts with label AKisalazybastard. Show all posts
Showing posts with label AKisalazybastard. Show all posts

Saturday, November 2, 2013

Gorilla my Dreams.

"So" said tigris consulting her Memorex Executive Clipboard with sticky notes, " I see that the World Wildlife Fund movie 'Totes Adorb Babby Animules' is in the can, as we say in the movie mileu".
"Yes" I vouchsafed "In the can, though we could not find a mileu to put in it what with it not being the season, and all".
"Also" noted Smut Clyde, Senior Cameraperson and fingernail technician, "no bugger even knows what a mileu, is."
"It is not" I opined "one of them little furry, bitey things, from in the Riddled Evolvamat. I think they may be seagulls."
"Untrainable, those little bleeders" noted Smut Clyde "although they make a glider as soon as you put them in a prison cell, it's uncanny."
"Greenish Hugh got them to make a BBQ nook at Riddled Manor by telling them to make a stable for Louie the Carthorse" I noted.
"Why did they make it on the 3rd floor then?' asked tigris "he never goes up there... oh I see"
"I feel that we may hear more from the furry, bitey things after their negotiations with the Library Pixies. When they all wake up, I've never heard such singing" said Smut. "And carousing"
"Well anyway" said tigris "the babby animals movie?"
"Oh yes" I said "babby animals all over the place, being all cute and such"
"There aren't any, are there?" said tigris
"No" said Smut "the budget did not stretch to it after The Stimson Bros. Rusty Sythe Stout bill came in"
"Yikes" I said "it was vast, lucky we did not get the healthy version, with prunes. However we have a very exciting and heartwarming story about a gorilla and a dinosaur trapped on an island by invisible other monsters."
"Oh" said tigris "this accounts for the banana stains in the time machine and Throgmorton Portcullis Industries liver and bacon deliveries"
"The accounts department may be querying that bill since former Hospital meals do not constitute "Gourmet Delights To Your Doorstep" in my view" said Smut.
"That Gorilla is a bleedin' artiste" I said "always walking off and having to be soothed by Greenish-David Attenborough."
"Happy now, as parks and recreation officer for Upper Aramoho" said Smut "although shrieking at the clientèle has created some tension"
"People should learn to stand still as he charges and not show their teeth" I said.
"And the dinosaur?" said tigris
"I expect he's happy somewhere" said Smut "the time machine dials need resetting and the possibly even new lithium crystals"
"Good ones" I noted "Not ones from KMart. Even though the wrapping is purple, just like the good ones"
"Righto" said tigris "I shall fax off the standard denial form and we'll go back in time next week to not even enter the tendering process. All this time travel might cause problems"
"We are always very careful" said Smut "although the eggs in Margaret Thatcher's hair was very funny for a few weeks"
"She got got quite batty about it" I said.
"And then the dinosaur married her" said Smut "they were made for each other"
tigris ticked the project completed box on the project completion page, twice.
"I think we could use a stout" she said.
"We have been flat out like a lizard stealing eggs from a crazed British Prime Minister" I noted.



Saturday, July 20, 2013

AK- Twitterati

By now some of you will be aware of my poop and pee jokes on the twitter.  If not, YOU DO NOW!! I know, tingles up the leg, right?
Well this week I engaged with one of the greatest, if not the greatest philosophical minds in America today.
JIM "DOG? DID SOMEONE SAY BARKING??" TREACHER!!! 

Chris L. Robinson @chrisLrob
  1. Jim Treacher from The Daily Caller and I had a long tweet convo then he called me stupid and blocked me. Cowardly and weird.

  2. @HamishMack No, you are.

    Yeah baby, put me in my place I tell you.

Friday, March 29, 2013

Political Permutations with Peterson Peçanha

Bob Rummel: Hi Politics fans Bob 'Rum man' Rummel here bringing you the next programme Political Permutations with Peterson Peçanha, Rapid București Goalkeeper. Hey PP what's up?
Peterson Peçanha: Hi Bobster, we've got a big line-up tonight from all around the globe. Those naughtay Norte Koreans are getting jiggy with it and the UK is going down for the third time and not in a good way.
BR: You sly dog Paypay partay.
PP: Back atchoo Bobsteranious but first we have the Maven of Misbehavin', the man who puts the undies into Pundities, Mr Another Kiwi. How are you, sir?
[silence]
PP: AK are you there.
[studio door opens]
AK: There's plenty of time, Mr fecking Studio Head. Patrick's still gabbling on with Brian about their bromance.
PP: What's up AK? You ready to go with the politics?
AK: Ah yes, the politics. They do a nice muffin here Pancho.
PP: Peterson. Dude, you can call me Pete.
BR: Pistol Pete perchow!
AK: Bob is like advertisements in the Saturday morning cartoons.
BR: And in a good way
[car hooter]
PP: So New Zealand politics is heating up a bit AK.
AK: Oh heating up Pilate, heating up to lukewarm and higher!
PP: Pete, how is it doing that ?
AK: The government is stuffing up everything it touches at the moment Pitta, just kablooey, everything they touch. Like when Greenish Hugh dropped the Gentian Violet. Purple everything. You've probably never seen a purple Peckinese dog, nor had Evangeline van Holsterin's mother. Gave her quite a turn when her Flopsy came home, like that.
PP: Her dog was called Flopsy?
BR: I would have called it ----
PP: Thanks Bobster you old rascal. Now AK, the government is not having a good time.
AK: No Pippin, they are having a good time. They just put their fingers in their ears and sing that they can't hear you. Society crumbling around them is a minor consideration.
PP: My name is Peterson, but there is a parliament where they must answer questions? Can they escape it there.
AK: Sorry Perry, well there is a new speaker in the Parliament who appears to be doing a bang-up job of not making them answer questions. He gave two opposition MP's a time out a couple of days ago. I have written him a letter and expect to see results any day now. I am prepared to do the job if I can have a funkier chair and an iPad.
PP: Oh ho hot stuff AK. Still, eh democracy was teh winner on the day. It always comes first.
BR: I did not say anything.