Thursday, January 17, 2019

The starry wisdom
Owned by the Baron
And he’s got the cure [Carpe Diem edition]

Glymino? Glycolush? Glycovive? Glycoshyne? Are these really someone's well-considered choices for brandnames; or are they car marques from an alternative time-line, or the outputs of a neural network that has been trained on a list of small towns in Ontario and Saskatchewan? HA HA this is a trick question. These strange words come to us from the fertile glymagination of Darren Fleming, so they might as well be the work of a bot.

Fleming is arguably the world's worst conman, but fortunately he gravitated to the field of alt-med scams where standards are so low that even an absolute cockwomble can prosper. He first came to our attention, here at the Riddled Research Laboratory and Academy of Milking-Shed Innovation, by reverse-engineering Magic Yoghurt. All announced through a spray of March 2014 press releases and a portfolio of websites like GcMAF4all.com and gcmafproducts.com. That is, he promised to find a coalition of yeast and bacteria which would not just curdle milk into yoghurt, but also transform the traces of the glycolated peptide VDBP in milk into the deglycolated and all-curative analog "GcMAF"... different from the secret microbe blends advertised as Bravo Yoghurt and MAF314 and MAF878. This would break the monopoly of the House Harkonnen usurpers, weaken the influence of the Bene Gesserit witches while keeping the Spacing Guild on-side, and THE SPICE WOULD FLOW in hitherto undreamed-of quantities.

Darren's entrepreneurial zeal commended him to Trevor and Lesley Banks, breakaway members of the original protein-alchemy cartel, who invited him onto the distribution list as the Australian rep of their GcMAF-fortified products. They may also have been glympressed by the string of 5-star accolades he had awarded himself in his persona as "Dr Fleming" at his 'World Naturopathy Clinic'. Or his activities on a support-group bulletin board: asking cancer patients about their alt-med experiences, while promising his own composite cancer-vanquishing Fleming Protocol and offering unsolicited advice about other therapies they could profitably try.* Or perhaps by his volunteer co-grifting at the "Cancer & Natural Therapy Foundation". I have seen horror movies like that, and the only way this Fleming character could be made any creepier is by dressing him in the make-up and livery of a clown.



There was in fact a website for the World Naturopathy Clinic, originally erected around the stolen identities of two Ayurvedic conmen in India. From 2012 to 2013 it evolved into an entire fantasy world of curative promises, decades of experience, detailed accounts of what clients could expect at a consultation, and plans for Australia-wide expansion, all without ever providing a physical address for those consultations: instead apologising for the lack of open appointment slots in the foreseeable future. This was either a weird conceptual art project (mixed with the urge to be taken seriously as a Medical Professional without the bother of training), or the least-functional grift EVAH.

LinkedIn and curing cancer in China
Many of the social-network sites where Mr Fleming composed his alternative biographies - rich with qualifications and accomplishments - have prolapsed into desuetude, CHIZ CHIZ. I especially miss his Alibaba entry, which boasted of Trumpian deal-making skills and project management around high-end golf-club and holiday resorts. But fortunately, like the Dude and like Earth, his 'Baron's Club' abides in the Wayback Machine...
Holiday resort
a kind of cigars- and poker-chip-infused on-line wet-dream, offered to sign up suckers who might pay for an entrée to the billionaire lifestyle. Russian arrivistes were specifically targeted by an entry in the VK Faceborg clone.
No no no, you should visit The Club yourself, I cannot describe the level of aspirational grandeur it attains. The goal appears to be a cheap Ashley-Madison knock-off, offering a social portal in which hoi polloi could rub shoulders and other body parts with an exclusive invite-only elite... so the promises of hot-totty-matchmaking are interlarded with Vegas High-Roller life-style signifiers of cigars and scotch and poker chips and private jets, all with the understated refinement of Donald Trump filming an advertisement for Lynx. When the Baron's Club emerged on FB in the course of June 2013, it could already boast of a two-decade history of wild success, so who am I to doubt that membership ever exceeded 1? There is aspirational talk of a luxury cruise liner for the club members, private islands, buying French chateaux. The most charitable interpretation is that the brashness is carefully cultivated to appeal to parvenu Moscovite oligarchs.
I hasten to add that Darren was not a complete fantasist, content to settle for grandiose dreams of a career as a scoundrel, for his email addresses were used to set up an entire virtual shopping-mall of credit-card-phishing sites in the guise of illegal-pharmaceutical outlets.

Now one of those e-addresses togethersearch@hotmail.com also featured in Darren's Global Fundraising Network, a kind of charity broker. The company's website has lapsed but it lingers on in small-business community listings. Community-minded on-line shoppers would be directed towards participating webstores, with assurances that some of their money would go to support signed-up charities.


The main beneficiary being 'La Trinite Church' -- a tax-exemption-claiming entity, previously trading as Fleming Couriers, staff consisting of Darren Fleming (secretary). You get the picture. What keeps me coming back to the GcMAF phenomenon is the delightful nature of the characters encountered there, and by that criterion Fleming comes under the Riddled rubric, also within the Riddled auspices, or for short, the rausbrices.


Subsequent snapshots of the gcmafproducts.com webstore find Darren stocking the Banks' 'MAFactive' lifestyle accoutrements for a time, moving on to his own-brand no-frills colostrum-infused congelations coming Real Soon Now. Meanwhile showing all the conviction of a dude in a metro-station subway selling Genuine Gucci Merchandise spread out on a trestle table, as he hawked a series of short-lived, MAF-themed nasal sprays and suchlike, none of them likely to have ever existed outside of Photoshop.

Along the way, "GcMAF" had undergone apotheosis and become a Worship Word in alt-med-consuming circles, losing its original biochemical meaning and coming to signify one's acceptance of a whole system of anti-Big Pharma values. So it did not matter when Yamamoto's papers were retracted for fraud, and Yamamoto's enzymatic process for deglycolating VDBP into GcMAF vanished in a puff of reality (i.e. the process supposedly performed by microbes during the fermentation of Magic Yoghurt). The persons making and distributing GlycoPlus unguents just shrugged, and dropped the pretense that their colostrum cow-squeezings had undergone any molecular transformation or contained actual magic molecules.



NRG = Energy, is joke
This is the context in which Darren's glyconic glychors -- Glycolush, Glycovive, Glymino and mustn't forget Glycoshyne -- could be a thing. For they are the current glyncarnations of his colostrum scammocopoeia. I earlier doubted that they would ever get past the 'Coming Soon!" conceptual stage and I feel so foolish now. In fact there is even a US distributor, Natural ReGenesis! (some June Lee who is new on the scene). Truly the student has surpassed the master.

On the topic of GlycoPlus, the brief careers of the Australian distributors is of note. Anni Diamond the Cancer Diva... Lucy Corrigan the Tasmaniac Lyme lady... one by one they pop up, staking out websites and FaceBorg support groups to lure in users, only to vanish from the scene again, as if into unmarked graves. Perhaps Darren is only posing as a hopeless bumblefuck, while he disposes of his rivals with a combination of canny business practice and ruthless midnight assassination.


But wait, it transpires that a new Australian shopfront has opened for the GlycoPlus product (under its Pacific title of GcMAFplus), in Brisbane! The Quantum Healing Centre is one of those all-in-one New Age Chambers, where the whole chromatic-light-healing spectrum of pissant woo practitioners have come together under one roof as if drawn by the attraction of Crank Magnetism, so you can have your aura read, your chakras balanced, and your bank-account detoxified without breaking a sweat. Someone should insure their lives, or warn them to watch their backs, whichever seems easier more lucrative.


* "If your wife is only on radiation and not chemotherapy I would only recommend that she uses Arginine 20 to 30 grams taken 30 to 60 minutes before each radiation session. This can help the radiation generate more free radicals due to enhanced blood flow the the cancer tumor as well as other benefits."

Wednesday, January 16, 2019

SMUT DON'T EAT IT

The story of Chew Chong is not well-known enough (which is to say, I didn't know it until recently so therefore everyone else must be equally ill-informed). Around 1870 (1868, in one version of the tale) he came to the neighbourhood of Mount Taranaki (New Zealand), where native bush was being cleared for dairy farming, intending to start a butter factory and export business, but he saw a niche for a different extractive industry. He started and dominated the export trade of saprophytic fungus to China.
When he died (aged 92) in October 1920, Chew Chong was an honoured member of the community and a wealthy man...
It would make a good children's book, or even a Netflix miniseries. There is a biography.

The fungus in question was Auricularia cornea (or possibly A. polytricha) which is or are so closely related to the Northern Hemisphere A.auriculajudae that only the mycologists can tell the difference, and they're probably making it up. It is 'black fungus' in Chinese-restaurant menus, and 'wood-ear' or 'mouse-ear' in English. The fruiting bodies dry out during drouth but soak up water when it rains and go back to being flubbery and cartilaginous...

And now I have my own, without having to forage!

Well, it's really growing on a neighbour's elderberry tree, but it is near enough to the fence to GET IN MAH BELLY.


Tuesday, January 15, 2019

An béal bocht a chur ort

A classic tale of struggle, power, personalities and tripe
Oh noes! I must have dozed through an episode of the long-running saga of tripe GcMAF (the all-curative blood- or colostrum-sourced glycoprotein), so I missed the reasons why Candice Lee-Bradstreet dropped out of the medicinal fortified skin-cream industry. and is now putting on the poor mouth.


That only leaves Margaret Shaver and her Maine-based webshop MWSdistributing.com still dealing in the 'GlycoPlus / GcMAFplus' range of healing unguents, out of a broad though collegial cartel of rivals who had shared the North American market between them. The only activity at their GcMAF GlycoPlus of the America's FaceBukkake page is that of tumbleweeds and crickets. Florida Woman Nicole Sullivan at PureLivingHealth remains in business but has dropped the product range.


Huzzah! The market is wide open now for the Riddled product, 'Liniment of Gratified Desire' (alternative brandname is 'Crème Passionel'; Space-Time Eddie is in charge of sourcing the fortifying protein, and we know better than to question him in depth). All the old suppliers plagiarised a blurb about 'hyaluronic acid' from an Asian medscam company, so we are happy to follow suit.
Pharmaceutical Grade Hyaluronic Acid
The Hyaluronic acid in all our products is pharmaceutical grade. Ours is formulated with a much higher molecular mass than other similar products. This helps boost anti-viral activities and stimulate an endogenyous production of Granulocyte Colony Macrophage Activating Factor. This is different than other suppliers who use low molecular Hyaluronic Acid that does not provide the same effect upon your immune system.


I have glossed over a slight complication of competition in the form of Candice's mates, Mock-Doctors Tent and Senechal, who play white-labcoat medical dress-up games at Diverse Health. This time last year their webstore pretended to distribute the GlycoPlus range, but this was a bait-and-switch to lure in suckers, and all they had were some concept-stage packaging mock-ups. Now they claim to stock the genuine article in their scammocopoeia.

But wait! The previously-abeyant webstore glycoproteinplus.com is active again, currently selling the ointments and extracts. Crucially, it continues to route enquiries and purchases through Candice's e-address (glycoplus@protonmail.com)... which leads one to infer that her departure from the industry was not entirely honest.

There is also the primary manufactury / dispensary gcmafplus.com, which is heavily anonymised (though purportedly grounded at a location in Hong Kong). On a previous visit, it and Candice's domain were housed in the same Icelandic server and the same IP address. Things have changed, and gcmafplus.com now inhabits its own unique IP address, 72.52.133.222... coincidentally, someone once chose the same address to use as name-server for glycoproteinplus.com -- fostering a suspicion that Candice remains active in both entities. Also encouraging one to associate the 'Thomas Cosner' -- mentioned in bulletin-boards and FB chatter as "Senior Partner and Lab Owner" of GcMAFplus -- with Candice's husband, Thomas Bradstreet.

Yet Candice must be destitute because there is a GoFundme appeal for her and Thomas, to pay for
alternative treatments that are necessary to beat this cancer. Suggested treatment include oxygen hyperbarics, high-dose Vitamin C infusions plus many other alternative treatments

One downside of being a fauxvangelist grifter, networked with a community of other fauxvangelist grifters, is that friends and business contacts are bountiful with the Thoughts and Prayers but not so generous when reaching into their pockets.

Despite the fraudulent therapies, it may be that Thom's actual diagnosis is genuine. Just saying: the couple previously ran a GoFundMe appeal after the suicide of Thom's brother Jeff (a careerist con-man who specialised in autism-cure scams), aiming for $25000 for a PI to re-investigate Jeff's death, then raising the target and eventually taking in $43000. The account was wound up and there the investigation rests.

Monday, January 14, 2019

Goats, goats, got no goats
And stitches don't help at all

New Zealanders are no longer passive consumers of other countries' news. Lately they have been producing all the best news themselves!



1. At the end of last year, a Scary Sea Alien found on Rakaia Huts beach appeared in headlines around the world UK tabloids, although many of them were along the lines of 'HA HA HA just look at these numpties'.



Alas, panic sparked = 0. No actual human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together, or even mass hysteria. Great was the disappoint.

Goat being stressed
2. Alternative title:
Left to die by two good friends
Tears of god flow as I bleed

Then there was the goatcitement of the tug-of-love over Zeus. Zeus the poorly goat was either abducted from a loving owner's life-style block, or rescued by a passer-by, concerned by his moribund condition and apparent abandonment, who had not considered the possibility that he was being stressed to increase his rate of Vitamin-C secretion. NZ media woefully neglected the opportunity for "kidnapped" jokes. After nursing him back from moribundance, Zeus' rescuer relinquished him to the SPCA. When last heard of, she was locked in debate with the loving owner as to whose moral claim to his custody was greater.



The dispute calls out for a Solomonic judgement. Ideally ending in goat curry.

3. Invasive wallabies. Feckin wallabies should just feck right off and feck back to where they feckin came from.

4. A large bronze gnome was stolen from outside an Auckland art gallery, in a daring Christmas-eve-midnight heist that was noticed and reported to police three weeks later. The artist, Gregor Kregar (friend of Riddled), is reportedly feeling gnomesick. Police are describing the actions of the visibility-vested robbers as 'brazen'.


Anyone seeing a two-metre bronze gnome posing for photographs to be posted home from tourist attractions and landmarks around Europe should contact the New Zealand authorities.

STOP PHOTOGRAPHING SMUT

I have no idea who Geoffrey is, but he should definitely stop peeping.

Sunday, January 13, 2019

Dem dry wet bones

"The owner of the unusual footwear likely made his living on the water"


I don't know if they have ruled out the 'Skeleton Courier' possibility.

Because the world was not stupid enough already

CHIZ CHIZ the January 20/21 lunar eclipse will not be visible from this side of the world. But this has the consolation that we are spared all the media bollocks about WOLF MOON.


Journamalists are no longer content with the frisson of excitement that comes from flirting with the End-of-Days Revelation-fanfic rhetoric preferred by US Talibangelists, and writing "Blood Moon" headlines instead of boring old "lunar eclipses". They have found a stronger hit of drama (dressed up with faux-tribal Spirit Animal trappings) to enmoronise their audience.

Evidently there is an ancient Native American tradition of using "Wolf Moon" to label the first full moon of the year (Julian calendar), going all the way back to the 1990s.


This is why we can't have nice things.