Sunday, August 8, 2010

Our animal friends

(1) Although there are exceptions, it is a well-documented fact that the vast majority of whales who beached themselves on Northern European sea-coasts during the 16th and 17th century were males in a state of sexual arousal. No-one is sure why. It is possible, of course, that the distracted condition affected their navigation, adding to their difficulty in asking for directions.
Then again, the excitement might have been the objective of the beaching rather than its cause.* If recently come-to-light images are any guide, at least one of them had a thing for bondage. Notice that he has opted for the "Deluxe Package", which involves three sex-workers rather than two. The one on the ladder is not good with slipknots so he has been put in charge of the dirty talk.

* This is known in the literature as Fish's Cetacean Erotic Asphyxiation theory.

(2) The Yellowknife Hermit Moose is among the lesser-known fauna of Canada, with a range restricted to the Northwest and Yukon Territories. Judging from the icebergs in the background, the artist drew this specimen somewhere close to the Beaufort Sea coastline.

The Hermit Moose has benefited from the construction of the Trans-Alaska Oil Pipeline since it is not restricted to curved shells such as those of hydroelectric turbines and abandoned Tokamak reactors, but can also make its home in abandoned lengths of pipeline.

(3) Squirrels. Not always cute little fluffy Squirrel Nutkins. When they get hungry and have babies to feed, don't think you'll be able to fob them off with a packet of peanuts.


ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

That last looks like a Grapefruit Chupacabra.

I'm sure of it.

mikey said...

So mikey and thunder and satan walk into a bar. mikey orders a Sailor Jerry's on the rocks, thunder orders some bizarre, obscure microbrew and they actually HAVE it, and satan orders a Grapefruit Chupacabra.

What? Punch line? Well, you DO tend to kick ass in bar fights when you happen to be running with satan...

J— said...

Someone tell that whale Body Glove makes cetacean size wetsuits. They have a special deal if you buy two.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

That Hermit Moose is sporting some impressive guns...for a snail, at least.

Smut Clyde said...

More Hermit Moose habitats:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

A meesecycle built for two!

Hamish Mack said...

Teh squirrel appears to have mated with a peacock at some time and this may account for it's dazed expression.
Oh dear I fear the whales may have misunderstood about internet pron and think that it is some sort of frolicking between nets.

fish said...

It's not a theory.

Although there is an alternative explanation. Early whale GPS equipment did not have a flat panel screen so the directional arrow was controlled through the penis (female whales simply asked for directions). Sexual excitement might have been confused for proper directions to the nearest 7-11, thus running the whale aground.