Sunday, May 8, 2011

Buck-mi-go Fungor

Ileodictyon cibarium is Nature's own geodesic dome, but inflatable.
It is native to New Zealand, where it commonly known as the basket fungus or the white basket fungus, alluding to the fruiting bodies that are shaped somewhat like a round or oval ball with interlaced or latticed branches.
Although 'ileo-' + 'dictyon' = 'intestinal net', Gooday & Zerning discovered that it was not possible to construct a convincing simulacrum from a lattice of intestines (a disappointing discovery that will come as no surprise to anyone who has tried weaving with men's intestines as the weft & warp). Thus they were forced to resort to drinking straws instead:
Once it has full unfolded from its underground 'egg' and the bars of the 'cage' are inflated to the point of rigidity, small ground animals crawl into the fruiting body and use it to roll down hills while squealing excitedly. Then they push it back up the hill for their friends to do the same. This is the mechanism that I. cibarium has evolved to distribute its spores.

To conclude, Your Honour, "zorbing" is clearly a long-established phenomenon in the natural world; thus it is absurd for the plaintiff to attempt to copyright the concept, and to sue my clients for infringing that copyright.
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As for the culinary aspect, I. cibarium smells like rotten meat. It would go well served with semi-decayed vegetables if you have invited the Ghul family from next door around for dinner.

8 comments:

Another Kiwi said...

I would hazard a guess that safety procedures for the insect zorbs would be a little, shall we say, lax?
Soon the hillsides will be littered with insects with their heads swathed in bandages.
The new Minister for Insect Safety, Roderknee Hide will be on the case directly as his dancing monkey suit gets back from the Dry Cleaners.

fish said...

Also injury litigation in New Zealand pays on a per leg basis.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

This is the mechanism that I. cibarium has evolved to distribute its spores.

Shirley you meant orbs?
~

Substance McGravitas said...

Ooh, crafts corner!

Have I mentioned the gopher dioramas made from freshly-slaughtered gophers?

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Ileodictyon cibarium is Nature's own geodesic dome, but inflatable.

Can giant ones be bred to provide low-cost housing?

As for the culinary aspect, I. cibarium smells like rotten meat.

There's sure to be an Icelandic market for exports.

Smut Clyde said...

Have I mentioned the gopher dioramas made from freshly-slaughtered gophers?

I for one welcome the collaboration between Sub McG and Survival Research Laboratories.

Smut Clyde said...

There's sure to be an Icelandic market for exports.

The Icelandic Phallological Museum was not fooled by my offer of a stinkhorn.

mikey said...

When I was but a precocious moppet, my dad would get me out of bed at four aye emm and have me go up on the roof with a scoped .22 rifle.

As the landscape slowly brightened at sunrise, the gophers would poke their heads out of their holes, and I would execute them with extreme prejudice.

My dad HATED gophers. But he really appreciated his sleep...