Sunday, May 1, 2011

The opposite of 'progress' must be 'congress'

I was taught as a young thing that if you wanted to build a quantum computer that would follow your soul through 200 trillion years and drag down every attempt at transcendence, you had to use a million miles of spider-web wire.
Evidently I was lied to. It now transpires, thanks to the research of Dr. F. Lee Aeilts, that we could have been building wireless quantum computers all along! If this is progress then I am NOT IMPRESSED.

"The root cause of evil in the world is a small wireless quantum computer in the shape of an orb that we take with us between lives. Now that we have Quantum Mechanics and digital cameras to capture the images of orbs, we have the smoking gun evidence that disembodied beings with orbs are all around us watching and manipulating us."

This is terribly disillusioning to those of us who believed in the good intentions of Teh Orbs, but the evidence does not allow any argument. Much of Aeilts' findings are identical to the claims of Scientology, and you have to admit that this independent collaboration is very convincing. Full details here:
Recent discoveries in Quantum Mechanics have proved that there is no discrete particle or solid chunk of anything in the whole Physical Universe, not even at the center of heavy atoms. It is all standing waves arising from the seething quantum field created by cosmic beings like you and me. The orb is composed of these standing waves and it's totally dedicated to ruining your life! It works like a futuristic wireless quantum computer to make people small, sick and lifeless.
But who is Dr F. Lee Aeilts?
Dr. Aeilts studied Quantum Physics at the University of Utah and discovered that our personal orbs are insidious and diabolical quantum computers that we take with us between lives. Pictures and data in the book help readers discover the world of beings flying around us that our cameras can "see" but our eyes cannot. A program to rid a person of his orb and rehabilitate his divine abilities is suggested.
Certain readers may be interested in the Physics of Ghost Orbs:
This is an illustrated book containing the physics and anatomy of paranormal ghost orbs that are showing up in digital photographs and on videos. It explains how orbs are created, what their capabilities are and how they affect humans. It contains lots of pictures, diagrams and easy math for calculating the power of an orb and its explosive energy content. 49 pages
In other news,
mind-control is the weapon of choice for psychiatrists. They can electro-shock and drug people and cut out their brains so they will never again draw a sane breath, have sex with their patients and feed at the public trough without anyone being the wiser.
That was never covered in my psych. classes.
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Close inspection of the background scenes of Orak's cave reveals that the robot's original Kruel creators chose a Delaunay theme for the decor, revealing an unexpected streak of aesthetic taste. It is not clear whether they also enjoyed Broadway musicals and Diaghilev's ballet productions.

Orak is known to have taken advantage of improved technology to transfer itself to a smaller architecture, changing its name to Orac in the process, but even the miniaturised version contained lots of wire in addition to the blinking lights.

21 comments:

M. Bouffant said...

our personal orbs are insidious and diabolical quantum computers that we take with us between lives

Great, robot fucking Buddhists.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

so this blog will, no doubt, be retitled "Time Orb"?

No surprise here, Dr. Jones.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

robot fucking Buddhists.



do not google this.

Substance McGravitas said...

Great, robot fucking Buddhists.

Plus dianetics! Twice as good!

merc said...

File sharing?

readow, see pain

Smut Clyde said...

so this blog will, no doubt, be retitled "Time Orb"?

"Orbasmotron".

robot fucking Buddhists.
do not google this.


Instead, write the script.

Jennifer said...

The orb is composed of these standing waves and it's totally dedicated to ruining your life!

I knew it! It wasn't me that wanted that thigh-hating chocolate cake, it was my Orb Master and its diabolical plot to fuck with my life.

You know, I think what Orly was trying to tell us was that not only was Obama not born in America, but his name is really Orbama. Where he falls in the orb hierarchy, I don't know, but really it's all starting to make sense now.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

This is terribly disillusioning to those of us who believed in the good intentions of Teh Orbs....

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

The Nile!
~

fish said...

Yeah, but does the quantum computer that controls our lives go "ping?"

Yeah, I thought not. Yet another fucking add-on we have to pay for.

vacuumslayer said...

I've been advised not to get rid of my orbs til I'm done breastfeeding.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Come clean, thunder, you haven't been misled by the orbs- you are their diabolical master.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

The orbs bring all the good things in our life to us.

Q.E.D.

WV: hizzine

guitarist manqué said...

It really is all about the Orbs with y'all.

wv: idieness just one letter off

ckc (not kc) said...

...I didn't believe that the math could be easy, but then I discovered that m = 21 gm - what could be easier than that!

Kathleen said...

where does Zorba the Greek fit into all this?

Substance McGravitas said...

P=Elf/R

Dividing elves by pirates seems chancy.

mikey said...

"Whatcha got?"

"Check it OUT, dood. Big sticky buds with long red hairs. Real stoney - more of a head buzz".

"Wow. That's pretty nice".

"How much you want?"

"Aahh, y'know money's a little tight right now. Just give me point five m."

Dagwood Engelberg said...

This is all old news. The more advanced technology uses cubes.

ckc (not kc) said...

The troops all eat the pills and are converted to a peaceful lifestyle.

pharma buddha

(now, where did I put my phants?)

tigris said...

Yeah, but does the quantum computer that controls our lives go "ping?"

ping[1] ROCKS.

Smut Clyde said...

ping[34].