Wednesday, January 16, 2013

As God is my witness, I thought gargoyles could fly

Wait, what?

Sure enough, even at the height of 1930s isolationism the State Department was monitoring European progress in Monster technology. No-one wanted to fall behind or allow a Monster Gap to open.

Imagine how many monsters could fit inside a concrete tower a mile tall, with skirts!

The architects have cleverly designed the Monster Tower to look like a Corymorpha nutans hydroid so that no-one will notice it.

The ring of portals at each of the three levels contain powerful hydraulics that can open the great steel doors in seconds and spill monsters out across Paris.
The specific choice of monster -- gargoyles, radioactive dinosaurs, pterodactyls, drunken giants -- depending on the unwitting choices made by the Parisians themselves. This may seem harsh but the occasional sacrificial devastation of one metropolis or another is the price we pay to appease the Old Gods of chaos and wildfire.


Also if we renege on our side of the deal, the Old Gods will stop providing us with Marmite. That probably explains the involvement in the Monster Tower of an Australian religious subsidiary / breakfast-food manufacturer.
UPDATED with bonus city-destroying monsters.

9 comments:

El Manquécito said...

that can open the great steel doors in seconds and spill monsters out across Paris

Can we propitiate the elder gods in some way so as to make this happen in Houston instead?

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

High speed monster elevators?

Eat your heart out, Mittens Rmoney!
~

fish said...

The tower is also carefully protected by mime fields.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

sheesh, a Cabin In The Woods reference?

H. Rumbold, Master Barber said...

Traditionalist that I am, I'd prefer the monster to be a giant gorilla.

Smut Clyde said...

sheesh, a Cabin In The Woods reference?

You were expecting a BOC-lyric title?

Substance McGravitas said...

Traditionalist that I am, I'd prefer the monster to be a giant gorilla.

Bad choice. He just wants to go to the top of the tower and won't destroy Paris AT ALL.

Smut Clyde said...

Imma waiting for Marmite Green.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

You were expecting a BOC-lyric title?

kinda, yeah.